Does anyone else actually love life?

[yellowroses]

I feel like I can't be the only who feels this way, but I've yet to meet anyone who actually shares my point of view.

I genuinely love life, I love this world and universe, I'm honestly probably the most optimistic person I know, and yet I still plan to CTB eventually.

I guess I just don't see suicide as that big of a deal (not that it isn't a serious decision, but that if anything it's less of a tragedy than pretty much any other way to die), and I would ALWAYS prefer to go out on my own terms than run the risk of dying some horrific, painful death. I know most people on this site agree when I say that it's a basic human right to choose when and how to die, I guess I just wish people didn't view death and particularly suicide as such a tragedy, none of us are getting out of here alive after all.

I want to CTB, but I don't feel desperate or hopeless, quite the opposite actually. It's more like- I'm satisfied with where I'm at. I'm happy with everything I've done and experienced, I don't feel like I'm missing out if I were to leave now. I'm tired, not like a bedraggled, beaten up tired, but tired like getting into bed after a long day at the amusement park.

Idk, maybe my brain is just too fucked to think about things from a normal perspective, but I feel like I've always thought this way. Even as a kid I had "casual" attempts purely because the idea of an afterlife intrigued me so much I couldn't wait to find out what happened, and didn't think dying was that big of a deal.

Anyone else feel this way?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

,I for one, can't relate with this sentiment. I know for certain I don't have it as bad as many do, but my life didn't turn out the way I would have wanted, or even needed, and at the stage I am in life, I feel I've seen enough of this terrible place called earth. Nothing gets better on this planet, and I believe that things will just continue to go downhill as more time passes. I don't see anything good coming my way on the horizon. I want to check-out before I become ill with some insidious disease, or incapacitated and need to be spoon fed and have my ass wiped by someone else. I really don't see anything good on this planet unless you're one of the lucky ones who happened to get the "good things" that life has to offer. If you don't get the good things, you really just exist and life just becomes a chore.

 

[yellowroses]

,I for one, can't relate with this sentiment. I know for certain I don't have it as bad as many do, but my life didn't turn out the way I would have wanted, or even needed, and at the stage I am in life, I feel I've seen enough of this terrible place called earth. Nothing gets better on this planet, and I believe that things will just continue to go downhill as more time passes. I don't see anything good coming my way on the horizon. I want to check-out before I become ill with some insidious disease, or incapacitated and need to be spoon fed and have my ass wiped by someone else. I really don't see anything good on this planet unless you're one of the lucky ones who happened to get the "good things" that life has to offer. If you don't get the good things, you really just exist and life just becomes a chore.

I totally understand where you're coming from, and I'm definitely not saying I'm one of those people who gets whatever they want in life (I can barely afford to eat right now), but I'm also a simple person and it's the simple things that make me happy: sitting and watching the rain or the sunset, smoking weed on my patio, watching the seasons change- all these things bring me an indescribable amount of joy. Just the fact that life exists in this crazy universe is mind-boggling to me. I am not and would never try to force this perspective on someone else, but that's just how I am.

I always found it strange when people talk about CTB, it's usually from a place of deep dissatisfaction, pain, or hopelessness. I feel like a walking paradox, all sunshine and rainbows and yet itching for the opportunity to CTB.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I can't see how life is good. Most of my life has been shitty. As @locked*n*loaded said my life may have been better than a few others but I still can't wait to die. Quality of life is a BIG factor on why most people wish to die.

 

[yellowroses]

I can't see how life is good. Most of my life has been shitty. As @locked*n*loaded said my life may have been better than a few others but I still can't wait to die. Quality of life is a BIG factor on why most people wish to die.

I totally understand, I probably didn't word my original post very well so to clarify- I 100% get why people who *are* miserable decide to CTB, and never would try to force my perspective on anyone. I was just wondering if there are actually more people like me out there, or if I'm something of an anomaly. Also- I definitely don't think your life being "better than a few others" negates your feelings and desire to CTB. There's always going to be someone who has it worse, that doesn't make what you're going through any less painful.

 

[purity]

interesting perspective, i can sorta understand it. the universe has some certainly captivating processes, and the stars look quite nice. i also share the view that suicide shouldn't be all that serious. ive normalized it. i still, however, feel like my life is shitty and i dont love the world.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Yes I would love my life, I'd love the universe, I'd like to reach an old age, I'd like to live and so on. But my life is just fucked up and I can't live my life the way I want to live it any more and I don't see a bright future and no chance to reover to be able to live the live I want to live. I personally see my life not worth to be lived any more, it's just filled with agony, suffering, desperation, hopelessness and all this increases daily, that's why I would like to CTB so much but unfortunately sth still keeps me back in the same time. It's just so incredibly difficult to leave this world easily and peacefully.

To me CTB was always and will always be a legal option under certain circumstances.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think there are beautiful things in this world. I find nature incredibly beautiful- when it isn't eating each other alive. Can't say my own experience of life has been good but I'd say I was a melancholy pessimist. I'm happy for you though. I think that's the ideal really- enjoy your time here but leave when you want.

 

[GettingOut]

Life has so much potential, and I love nature, being with friends, gardening and hobbies. But have been dealt a bad hand at an early age and at the age of 7 had my first thought of ending the pain. Things got worse, I've made mistakes I regret that have shaped my life. Got an incurable progressive muscle disease which obviously was beyond my control. Due to childhood trauma I deal with rejection really badly, chronic pain has made it difficult to cope with severe depression and the lack of emotional support has just created the perfect storm.

I'm in my 40s, would love to gym, hike and be independent with a car. So I totally agree with your love for life.

Sometimes the weight I'm carrying just gets too much and I want to end it, but I don't consider myself a pessimist obsessed with the bus stop. However, as all people at a bus stop, I get excited when you can see it on the horizon and you realise you don't need to carry your heavy baggage on foot.

 

[Anonymus]

Sometimes I don't know how to appreciate the privilege of being aware of existence enough, I'm too focused on my inner problems and I don't look outward enough. But it's really mind-blowing and incredible how it's structured and how the pieces fit together, it's a real wonder that few people know how to see in its true splendor.

Too bad I'm broke and can't actively contribute/participate in enjoying it all. It hurts a lot to see so many goodies around you that you will never be able to taste.

//

De vegades no sé apreciar prou bé el privilegi de ser conscient de l'existència, estic massa centrat en els meu problems interiors i miro poc cap enfora. Pero realment és al·lucinant i increïble com està estructurat tot i com encaixen les peces entre si, es una punyetera meravella que poca gent sap veure en el seu just esplendor.

Llàstima que jo estigui trencat i no pugui contribuïr/participar de forma activa en gaudir de tot plegat. Fa patir molt veure tantes llaminadures al teu voltant que no podràs tastar mai.

 

[feels_like_rain]

I completely agree with you! I didn't think anyone else shared this opinion either. It was nice to read this post and see that someone understands how i feel about it.

The only difference is i do feel like i'd be missing out if i left now. But 10 or 20 years from now, if i'm still around, i feel like there won't be much left for me by then.

 

[Leiden]

Absolutely not and even if I did, I eventually wouldn't because it's only a matter of time until we suffer in unimaginable ways. It's only a matter of time. it's not if, it's when. When I've enjoyed life a little bit it was only an illusion anyway.

 

[sincerely dead]

I think for me I *could* love life if a few circumstances were different. But those things seem far from reach so I find solace in someday CTB.

 

[MrDarkness]

I can relate completely, I love to learn and see people smile, it what genuinely keeps me happy, I wanna become a teacher later in life. I love music I love animals, and knowledge. But I will ctb one day either because I failed and I have nothing left or because my will is gone. But I'm far from that currently. Life is a gift and a curse, treat it with caution but care

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Absolutely not and even if I did, I eventually wouldn't because it's only a matter of time until we suffer in unimaginable ways. It's only a matter of time. it's not if, it's when. When I've enjoyed life a little bit it was only an illusion anyway.

i thought exactly the same things as you write in your post . Must be true if 2 different neural networks arrived at the same conclusion you don't see anywhere else drummed into you constantly from everywhere like you see "life is good"

 

[stainedtips]

I love life. Not mine, though. At least not yet. But I love my future, and it's really the only thing that keeps me going. I spend most of my time daydreaming about the future I'll have and how beautiful and far away it is from home. I don't like thinking about this, but if my dream ever fails.. I fear my mind would, too.

 

[flightlessbutterfly]

I love the idea of life, and I hate the reality of it. I have found myself appreciating the soft, gentle outlook of living my life without fear or regret when I let myself dissociate in a park on a swing, but every time I pull myself out of that bubble of happiness, I am always without a doubt thrust headfirst into this messed up reality that is my life. A downward slope that'll continue to tumble. So, I hate this world, I hate this reality and I hate how there are always horrible things waiting for me around the corner. But I love the idea that people can make it work, to live in their very own bubble and be okay with living in that small circle.

 

[vitbar]

I relate to your love of life. Sadly I am living as though already dead.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I totally understand where you're coming from, and I'm definitely not saying I'm one of those people who gets whatever they want in life (I can barely afford to eat right now), but I'm also a simple person and it's the simple things that make me happy: sitting and watching the rain or the sunset, smoking weed on my patio, watching the seasons change- all these things bring me an indescribable amount of joy. Just the fact that life exists in this crazy universe is mind-boggling to me. I am not and would never try to force this perspective on someone else, but that's just how I am.

I always found it strange when people talk about CTB, it's usually from a place of deep dissatisfaction, pain, or hopelessness. I feel like a walking paradox, all sunshine and rainbows and yet itching for the opportunity to CTB.

I'm actually really interested in this perspective because I've never been happy so I don't really get it. I kinda assumed it must be the same for other people otherwise why would they need to take drugs to feel happy/high? I mean I realise people don't go around feeling "high" when they're happy, but I'm pretty sure I don't get out of life what other people do. So I'm always curious, how watching a sunset and all those things makes other people feel, I don't know I guess people can't really put into words. I guess I was maybe born with lack of serotonin or whatever it is so I just don't get what other people do out of life.

I've come to a place of acceptance, I had a good childhood even though I wasn't happy in myself, I suppose I was content enough. I certainly had nothing to complain about, but now it's over, all my family who were so lovely from back then are gone except my mother and I'm "content" with my decision to go on my own terms. And yeh I don't think it's a big deal from my POV to CTB (especially if I wait til my mother dies, then there will literally be no one who will care enough for it to affect) but I always say it should be a last resort because of the effect it has on loved ones and the way society views it. So I try and see if there is anything that will make someone stick around. But that's just my opinion, I don't judge anyone for going for ANY reason at all, it's a personal decision.

 

[OceanBlue]

I was just wondering if there are actually more people like me out there, or if I'm something of an anomaly.

The majority will give your answer.. it stems from the lack of awareness/empathy. If you can type this out, it means you got lucky in life, privileged enough to be born a human with acceptable fate. Good for you, but it's ignorace/arrogance to go through life with this opinion.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I totally understand, I probably didn't word my original post very well so to clarify- I 100% get why people who *are* miserable decide to CTB, and never would try to force my perspective on anyone. I was just wondering if there are actually more people like me out there, or if I'm something of an anomaly. Also- I definitely don't think your life being "better than a few others" negates your feelings and desire to CTB. There's always going to be someone who has it worse, that doesn't make what you're going through any less painful.

If you're trying to find a lot of likeminded people, then you're not going to find too many here. The majority of us are here because our quality of life is shit. Unfortunately, the simple things like sitting in the rain are neutral and doesn't compensate for the bad in life.

 

[yellowroses]

I'm actually really interested in this perspective because I've never been happy so I don't really get it. I kinda assumed it must be the same for other people otherwise why would they need to take drugs to feel happy/high? I mean I realise people don't go around feeling "high" when they're happy, but I'm pretty sure I don't get out of life what other people do. So I'm always curious, how watching a sunset and all those things makes other people feel, I don't know I guess people can't really put into words. I guess I was maybe born with lack of serotonin or whatever it is so I just don't get what other people do out of life.

I've come to a place of acceptance, I had a good childhood even though I wasn't happy in myself, I suppose I was content enough. I certainly had nothing to complain about, but now it's over, all my family who were so lovely from back then are gone except my mother and I'm "content" with my decision to go on my own terms. And yeh I don't think it's a big deal from my POV to CTB (especially if I wait til my mother dies, then there will literally be no one who will care enough for it to affect) but I always say it should be a last resort because of the effect it has on loved ones and the way society views it. So I try and see if there is anything that will make someone stick around. But that's just my opinion, I don't judge anyone for going for ANY reason at all, it's a personal decision.

It took me a long ass time to get to this point, it was pretty much a "fake it till you make it" kinda thing. I started by forcing myself to acknowledge at least 3 good things a day (usually the sky or a cute animal), it didn't actually make me feel better at first, but after committing to it for about 10 years those little things became what I live for. I've never had what most people call a "drive" or like "fire" inside me, so I 100% get what you mean when you say you don't understand what other people get out of life. Everyone always seems to talk about "why they get up in the morning", etc, I've never felt any attachment to continuing to live.

The majority will give your answer.. it stems from the lack of awareness/empathy. If you can type this out, it means you got lucky in life, privileged enough to be born a human with acceptable fate. Good for you, but it's ignorace/arrogance to go through life with this opinion.

Respectfully, I completely disagree. I would say my fate is far from what anyone would consider "acceptable", and I certainly wouldn't say I came to have this opinion out of "ignorance", quite the opposite actually. I've been to rock bottom, tried to get off this train we call life more times than I can count. But, since for now I'm stuck here, I decided that instead of wallowing in my misfortune and unhappiness, I was going to find what I could to get even the slightest bit of enjoyment out of this world. I would never try to get someone else to see from my perspective, and nothing I said in my post implied that. Hating this world and everything in it is completely valid too. No need for name-calling. I made this post because I was wondering if anyone else on here was going through a similar "paradox" of emotions, and turns out there were more than I expected who feel similarly!

 

[CentreMid]

I feel like I can't be the only who feels this way, but I've yet to meet anyone who actually shares my point of view.

I genuinely love life, I love this world and universe, I'm honestly probably the most optimistic person I know, and yet I still plan to CTB eventually.

I guess I just don't see suicide as that big of a deal (not that it isn't a serious decision, but that if anything it's less of a tragedy than pretty much any other way to die), and I would ALWAYS prefer to go out on my own terms than run the risk of dying some horrific, painful death. I know most people on this site agree when I say that it's a basic human right to choose when and how to die, I guess I just wish people didn't view death and particularly suicide as such a tragedy, none of us are getting out of here alive after all.

I want to CTB, but I don't feel desperate or hopeless, quite the opposite actually. It's more like- I'm satisfied with where I'm at. I'm happy with everything I've done and experienced, I don't feel like I'm missing out if I were to leave now. I'm tired, not like a bedraggled, beaten up tired, but tired like getting into bed after a long day at the amusement park.

Idk, maybe my brain is just too fucked to think about things from a normal perspective, but I feel like I've always thought this way. Even as a kid I had "casual" attempts purely because the idea of an afterlife intrigued me so much I couldn't wait to find out what happened, and didn't think dying was that big of a deal.

Anyone else feel this way?

While I can't relate to your sentiments, it's interesting that you bring this up, as I've seen a number of threads asking what are "valid" reasons for or feelings towards suicide. I always bring up the fact that there are people who aren't suffering (or don't seem to suffer) to the degree that many users here are, yet still choose to die due to their own personal reasons (there are some here who believe that you need to be absolutely miserable in order to "qualify" suicide, but that doesn't sit right with me, but I digress).

I'll admit, you're the first person I've met here who's been a prime example of my explanation, and I'm thankful that you've shared your story/thoughts. Your thoughts and feelings towards wanting to die by suicide are absolutely valid, and I wish you the best and good luck in whatever you choose to do! Take care!

 

[Svart616]

I relate a little to this. Even though my life isn't that good in many ways, I still love this world, nature, just looking at the stars at night. All the little things in life gives me joy. But since I don't see myself having an actual future were I live happily and have friends and a good life in general (plus all the trauma from my past), I think of ctb very often. But if it weren't for all the major bad things that happened to me, I'd probably stay just for the little things.

 

[dialogos]

for some, life was a shit storm, for some it was a joy and for others it was in between. . these are all completely valid points of view. people from all points of view still choose to ctb for whatever reason. there shouldnt be politics about this. each and every one considering ctb shouldnt be maligned simply because they arent depressed as others. this a safe place where we can discuss what we feel without being considered inferior to others.

 

[midnights]

i love the idea of life. i think there's so much beauty in the scientific aspect of it, how tiny sea creatures have fought for centuries to survive... but then i get sad when i think about how humanity in this present time is the result of all of that. like seriously how do we just keep getting worse. i think i wouldn't want to ctb if society was different, but then again i'm sure there's billions of alternate universes where i'd have the same mindset. and i think that's all part of life too. i'm gonna smoke weed now

 

[GettingOut]

i think there's so much beauty in the scientific aspect of it, how tiny sea creatures have fought for centuries to survive

This is an interesting concept, I haven't thought about. When in evolution did we first have the thought of committing suicide? Humans are the only species that has such a strong inclination, that I know of

i'm gonna smoke weed now

I honestly didn't expect that ending You nearly killed me

 

[firedancer232]

I feel like I can't be the only who feels this way, but I've yet to meet anyone who actually shares my point of view.

I genuinely love life, I love this world and universe, I'm honestly probably the most optimistic person I know, and yet I still plan to CTB eventually.

I guess I just don't see suicide as that big of a deal (not that it isn't a serious decision, but that if anything it's less of a tragedy than pretty much any other way to die), and I would ALWAYS prefer to go out on my own terms than run the risk of dying some horrific, painful death. I know most people on this site agree when I say that it's a basic human right to choose when and how to die, I guess I just wish people didn't view death and particularly suicide as such a tragedy, none of us are getting out of here alive after all.

I want to CTB, but I don't feel desperate or hopeless, quite the opposite actually. It's more like- I'm satisfied with where I'm at. I'm happy with everything I've done and experienced, I don't feel like I'm missing out if I were to leave now. I'm tired, not like a bedraggled, beaten up tired, but tired like getting into bed after a long day at the amusement park.

Idk, maybe my brain is just too fucked to think about things from a normal perspective, but I feel like I've always thought this way. Even as a kid I had "casual" attempts purely because the idea of an afterlife intrigued me so much I couldn't wait to find out what happened, and didn't think dying was that big of a deal.

Anyone else feel this way?

i totally understand this !! although my life rn isn't amazing i actually enjoy life a lot of the time. i have amazing friends and an okay home life. idk if ur the same in that sense but i see myself genuinely being happy a lot. however i still believe that ctb is the best for me considering i have no want on getting old or dealing with adult life etc etc. i know i have it better than a lot of people but my life growing up was awful with more attempts than i can count on both hands. idk if this is really what you meant but yeah. i genuinely enjoy life

 

[dialogos]

actually my sources of happiness are considered shallow like enjoying a beautiful sunset on the side of the road, driving on my scooter on a cold evening etc. its the pressures of living expenses, failed small business, etc thats slowly burying me. im at an age i cant go thru this cycle again so i decided to quit on my own terms. its like i have an enemy actively working to cut off every avenue of aid, break every solution for a better life etc. i only had some victories in life but looking back, a lot of them didnt last especially the material aspects which is important because we live in a material world and man is composed of both body and soul. ive prayed and asked God many times, strangely enough i got to this site. ive been thinking deeply on this. im not an addict, dont smoke, dont drink. didnt marry, didnt have kids. the last two were to avoid involving other lives in my misery. its like i cant get out of this curse and im tired of fighting a losing battle

 

[saddestbunny]

life has the potential to be incredibly beautiful and that's what media shows, dreams and wishes for what experience was, but it's not like that

the stars are pretty though and I understand people enjoy being here