Does anybody here view CTB on a positive light?

[JezebelDuLioncourt]

Does anybody here feel good about committing suicide? Does the prospect of catching the bus excite you or make you happy?

The thought occurred to me...that maybe I don't have to feel so damned about my desire to die. After all, I believe that I will be reunited with my soulmate when I die. I believe that happiness is waiting for me in the afterlife. So, instead of despair, I could let joy spark in me whenever I think of that day when I finally leave this planet to get reunited with my Beloved.

I'd probably hear only crickets on this post. And that would be quite understandable. Still, it shouldn't surprise me if this thought strikes a familiar chord in some other soul here.

I am happy today
For I know what to do
And my heart is not torn

Spirits know when to fly when it's time
There's no reason to mourn
For the great sacred bird is reborn

--The Sacred Bird, from Miss Saigon

 

[broth0100]

My feelings abt it fluctuate! Sometimes i feel rlly elated at the thought, sometimes i feel anxiety, like a rush to get going w my plan or watever. Most times i feel nothing, maybe just a faint concern abt the loved ones I'll leave behind.
thank u for this post, it did strike a chord for me :)

 

[divinemistress87]

Since I have a belief in some sort of afterlife yes it brings me peace thinking about it. But the fear of failing always takes over

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

It calms me down a bit knowing that I already have my SN kit and there will be no fear or anxiety after CTB

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Sure are.

 

[J&L383]

I fluctuate also. I do find the calm in thinking that it would at least provide a permanent ending. I don't think there is an afterlife but I will cross that bridge. It is difficult deciding to take the affirmative action on the timeline, or just wait it out and see when death comes in the "normal" course of things.

 

[iloverachel]

I don't have any serious plans to CTB yet, mainly because i have a few good friends and family members I don't want to hurt.

But the thought of one day dying, hopefully by CTB and not old age brings me so much comfort and peace.

Seeing people commit suicide is obviously horrible and sad, but I feel if they exhausted all options and tried everything they can to get better but it doesn't work, then they have a right to choose death over living decades in suffering

 

[Darkover]

Does anybody here feel good about committing suicide? Does the prospect of catching the bus excite you or make you happy?

no but neither does life

I believe that I will be reunited with my soulmate when I die. I believe that happiness is waiting for me in the afterlife.

I don't believe there is an afterlife i simply believe you cease to exist altogether or rebirth which would be a completely new life and machine

 

[Denis]

I like your take on this. Poetry definitely helps to view everything in a better light.

 

[jacobryan]

Part of me gets excited about it. There is fear as well. I don't know what, if anything comes after this life. I just sometimes think I should have ended it when I first had the thought of doing so about 20+ years ago. What stopped me then is the same thing stopping me now: fear.

 

[FuneralCry]

If I had the option of a peaceful, guaranteed suicide method I'd be very relieved, to me suicide is only something positive as it's suffering prevention, it's escaping from suffering in an existence I never even wished for in the first place. I actually see so much beauty in ceasing to exist especially as existence is so cruel and hellish, I only see non-existence as desirable, I have no interest in suffering for decades just to be tormented by old age in such a disgusting, evil world.

For me death means peace and I'd always prefer to peacefully not exist no matter what. In my case I don't believe existence could be desirable under any circumstances, I see nothing appealing about being burdened with human existence so of course I'd be glad to not exist, to me existence itself is the true problem.

 

[Dliena]

Of course! It needs to be a human right but unfortunately this is humanity and last I checked we're still ass backwards on a LOT of other things suicide being one of them.

 

[Hotsackage]

As Yoda said, death is a natural part of life, fear it do not.

 

[eashanm]

Yeah I've cut cake because of me going to die and achieve freedom

 

[mtoro998]

It makes me feel good there is an escape from this hell. The process of dying scares me however

 

[JezebelDuLioncourt]

My feelings abt it fluctuate! Sometimes i feel rlly elated at the thought, sometimes i feel anxiety, like a rush to get going w my plan or watever. Most times i feel nothing, maybe just a faint concern abt the loved ones I'll leave behind.
thank u for this post, it did strike a chord for me :)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I, too, must admit that my feelings also fluctuate when I think of catching the bus.

Since I have a belief in some sort of afterlife yes it brings me peace thinking about it. But the fear of failing always takes over

I'm glad to hear from a fellow believer, especially from someone whose posts I admire and have always found authentic. You speak spirit level true, @divinemistress36
Thanks for your thoughtful replies, folks! It warms my heart to hear your affirmative, forward-looking views regarding death. Very helpful!

I fluctuate also. I do find the calm in thinking that it would at least provide a permanent ending. I don't think there is an afterlife but I will cross that bridge. It is difficult deciding to take the affirmative action on the timeline, or just wait it out and see when death comes in the "normal" course of things.

I sense some balance in your point of view. To be even keel with the uncertainty of whether you'd take the bus or wait it out, I find admirable.

Part of me gets excited about it. There is fear as well. I don't know what, if anything comes after this life. I just sometimes think I should have ended it when I first had the thought of doing so about 20+ years ago. What stopped me then is the same thing stopping me now: fear.

Ah, I see me in you some 20+ years ago. It was fear that deterred me from ending my life when I was a teenager. Fear of spending eternity in hell, that is. I was raised in an evangelical Christian household and I believed in the Bible's hversion of heaven and hell. Not anymore. My spirituality has evolved into something more akin to Zen Buddhism.

As Yoda said, death is a natural part of life, fear it do not.

Ah, if Yoda said it, then it must be so.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I do. After all, a successful suicide attempt would prevent me from pointlessly suffering for decades which I see as a positive thing. I see suicide as my recovery as I'd be recovering from the pains and cruelty of life by taking myself away from life

 

[TransientEternal]

Yup, life doesn't really matter objectively. Death is the end of all suffering, we all die eventually. Our memories and consciousness will disappear with death. Dying now or later doesn't change anything. I regard it with indifference at worst and comfort/peace at best.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

sometimes it feels like death is something beautiful, something that will give my life meaning

other times, it feels it's completely meaningless, just a footnote at the end of my life

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm looking forward to not having to worry about my future. To not have to try anymore but realistically- I'll have that worry right up until the last second because I won't know for sure that my attempt will be successful until it has succeeded and presumably then, I won't be thinking or feeling anything at all!

But for now- it's more that I'm reassuring myself that I'm going to be my own hero- as it were. I'm not going to allow myself to experience old age, illness, a povety stricken retirement. I feel relief when I think I could spare myself all those things. That's nice, passive ideation.

Active ideation isn't so nice... What method should I go with? How likely is it it will work? How long will it take? How much pain/fear will I experience? What happens if it fails? Will I be worse off? Probably. So- there's a sting in the tail there...

 

[Princess Picta]

I think it's courageous

 

[lostmind38]

The thought of CTB makes me calm and anxious at the same time. Calm- as I know there will be an end to the suffering, an end that I choose. Anxious - what method, would it work, is it going to be painful, how long would it take, access to sources.... Once that is sorted, I will be at peace.

 

[Miku _fanboy101]

Does anybody here feel good about committing suicide? Does the prospect of catching the bus excite you or make you happy?

The thought occurred to me...that maybe I don't have to feel so damned about my desire to die. After all, I believe that I will be reunited with my soulmate when I die. I believe that happiness is waiting for me in the afterlife. So, instead of despair, I could let joy spark in me whenever I think of that day when I finally leave this planet to get reunited with my Beloved.

I'd probably hear only crickets on this post. And that would be quite understandable. Still, it shouldn't surprise me if this thought strikes a familiar chord in some other soul here.

I am happy today
For I know what to do
And my heart is not torn

Spirits know when to fly when it's time
There's no reason to mourn
For the great sacred bird is reborn

--The Sacred Bird, from Miss Saigon

Yeah dying is not sad because it's the same way as being born, we see light and it will be okay. I can wait for the day I die and I can wait because I have the patience for my time. May you have a good day