Discussion Does anybody get really mad when their parents talk to them?

[seeweed]

I have this questionable rage stir within me everytime my parents try to talk to me. More specifically, my mom. My dad is eh, hes never been really there. Its just my mom that genuinely makes me go insane everytime. She could just be standing there and id be in a pissy mood for 24H. I guess its because my emotions were always suppressed? Then again, i dont know. Im never sure of anything. Shes just so emotionally abusive. It grew on me. Like, maybe that's why im like this? Or am i just being sensitive again and theyre not bad people? I sometimes feel bad for her that she has a child like me, I feel bad for both my parents. I just feel so toxic, i feel like im too unstable or whatever bullshit my parents probabpy describe me. Does anyone feel like this?

 

[fishperson]

Yes , it's pent up anger. They pretend like nothing happened and that its not their fault. Usually living somewhere else is the only solution. Less time with them , less spent thinking of them

 

[Lostandlooking]

It's not weird to feel this way. And I don't think you should blame yourself. Chances are your parents (specifically mom) did things to warrant this kind of reaction from you. You said she's emotionally abusive. And in another post you said your parents were emotionally absent. Maybe you can identify some things that she does or has done in the past that hurt you. I don't have a solution. But I wish you'd experience less self doubt and confusion. Maybe they actually are bad people and you're not too sensitive. (Just a thought)

Personally I can relate. And since last year I decided not to share anything with my mom anymore. Distance myself emotionally. In the past, she directly insulted me or was outright cruel (without realizing this herself) After confronting her countless times she started insulting me indirectly. She doesn't seem to understand she's hurting me, no matter how many times I try to explain. She's probably been abused herself, and this continues in her current relationship. She simply lacks the framework to recognize these things. And as a result also doesn't know how to treat others with respect. So I no longer share things with her. Our relationship is very practical and superficial. And I owe it to myself. It's the best thing to do in my situation. It means I never really had any emotional support from my parents. And that's a difficult thing that has caused me many problems. But cutting the emotional connection is necessary and while it isn't ideal, it's the best thing for me.

Wishing you good luck. I don't think you're too sensitive.

Edit: spelling

 

[Zaphkiel]

Yeah I am the same.
I cant really explain why but we are a dysfunctionnal family and my Sister left home at 18 while I left at 17...

 

[SASU-KE]

Another fan of silent voice ,welcome!

It could just be the anger of being alive as a result of their choice and actions. We're here just like everyone else is here and that's ultimately because all our parents made a choice to have us and we're suffering here as a result.

That being said, I don't blame my parents because they're normal people. My mother's old but loves life. Even with her ailing health and creaking knees and joints she's a race car.So it's just a coin toss I ended up the way i am . I don't hate them for it.

 

[kufajoy]

I really hate to talk to my father. I always avoid him ;)

 

[cowboypants]

I hate sitting beside my dad. I don't hate mom as much but I don't like her either or have connection as one should with their parents

 

[violetforever]

yes and i dont even hide it anymore bc i just cant. i dread hearing her knock on my door everyday to ask me the stupidest things. just hearing my moms voice from the other room makes me want to sink a knife into my stomach. thats all i hear all day. noise from my family. its going to make me kill myself.

 

[finnaisgag]

I loathe myself whenever I'm next to them. The self hatred from comparing myself to them and then their brutal words, makes me want to slam my head to the nearest surface.

 

[39hatsune]

Yes , it's pent up anger. They pretend like nothing happened and that its not their fault. Usually living somewhere else is the only solution. Less time with them , less spent thinking of them

mine is like this when i bring up stuff she did when i was younger, she 'doesnt remember' …

 

[fishperson]

mine is like this when i bring up stuff she did when i was younger, she 'doesnt remember' …

and when u try to remind them , they start gaslighting : oh I fed you ,I bring u to school and all that bs as if i asked her to bring me to this world.
I came to the realization that it's impossible to expect them to understand us and we should stop trying since it feels like talking to a wall.

 

[SASU-KE]

she 'doesnt remember' …

That's pretty classic lol.
My family don't remember any of the good things but when it comes to the embarrassing stuff they remember every minute detail.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

I have this questionable rage stir within me everytime my parents try to talk to me. More specifically, my mom. My dad is eh, hes never been really there. Its just my mom that genuinely makes me go insane everytime. She could just be standing there and id be in a pissy mood for 24H. I guess its because my emotions were always suppressed? Then again, i dont know. Im never sure of anything. Shes just so emotionally abusive. It grew on me. Like, maybe that's why im like this? Or am i just being sensitive again and theyre not bad people? I sometimes feel bad for her that she has a child like me, I feel bad for both my parents. I just feel so toxic, i feel like im too unstable or whatever bullshit my parents probabpy describe me. Does anyone feel like this?

Oh yeah. I'm 60 and mom is 87..... I've felt rage, frustration whenever she speaks to me for as long as I remember

 

[MicahBell]

and when u try to remind them , they start gaslighting : oh I fed you ,I bring u to school and all that bs as if i asked her to bring me to this world.
I came to the realization that it's impossible to expect them to understand us and we should stop trying since it feels like talking to a wall.

i always felt frustrated around my mother, could never talk about the things she did that hurt me because she'd say exactly that. "i never hit you, you always had a roof over your head, i always fed you". it took a long time to realise it was intent vs impact, she didn't mean to emotionally neglect me but nevertheless…

 

[selectivefishermen]

I have this questionable rage stir within me everytime my parents try to talk to me. More specifically, my mom. My dad is eh, hes never been really there. Its just my mom that genuinely makes me go insane everytime. She could just be standing there and id be in a pissy mood for 24H. I guess its because my emotions were always suppressed? Then again, i dont know. Im never sure of anything. Shes just so emotionally abusive. It grew on me. Like, maybe that's why im like this? Or am i just being sensitive again and theyre not bad people? I sometimes feel bad for her that she has a child like me, I feel bad for both my parents. I just feel so toxic, i feel like im too unstable or whatever bullshit my parents probabpy describe me. Does anyone feel like

I have this questionable rage stir within me everytime my parents try to talk to me. More specifically, my mom. My dad is eh, hes never been really there. Its just my mom that genuinely makes me go insane everytime. She could just be standing there and id be in a pissy mood for 24H. I guess its because my emotions were always suppressed? Then again, i dont know. Im never sure of anything. Shes just so emotionally abusive. It grew on me. Like, maybe that's why im like this? Or am i just being sensitive again and theyre not bad people? I sometimes feel bad for her that she has a child like me, I feel bad for both my parents. I just feel so toxic, i feel like im too unstable or whatever bullshit my parents probabpy describe me. Does anyone feel like this?

Samee. Feels like theyre always trying to see what im currently doing even when theyre just there standing minding their own thing

 

[CatLvr]

Thank God my parents are both gone. But there is absolutely no shame in going no contact with parents who are abusive, manipulative and/or just horrible people. Unfortunately, a lot of us just have literal pieces of shits for family.

I walked away from my entire family in my mid-30s (except for my kids) and my only regret was that I didn't do it the day I walked out that door after my 18th birthday. It is a sad fact, but there are so many of us who had parents who were the exact opposite of Ozzie and Harriet. And again, there is no shame in leaving that type of family in the dust. The sooner the better, kids.

 

[witchcraft]

Yes. For me, it doesn't stem from emotional abuse but from emotional neglect.

I was much happier living on my own at university but I'm not sure how much of that was from being away from both of them, or because I just generally still had one last bastion of optimism before I graduated with the wrong degree and permanently fucked my life into an unstoppable downward spiral.

My father is a very practical person. Good to go to with a practical problem (i.e. "car need fix") but not much else. My mom cooks dinner and hasn't kicked me out but she is just unable to understand how I feel, and it's been that way since I was a child. Sometimes it's like she doesn't even make an effort, or is secretly making an effort to not understand.

They are both 60+ years old. They're basically 35-40 years older than me. They are completely out of touch.

 

[lost in the lilies]

 

[LastLightFade...]

I have this questionable rage stir within me everytime my parents try to talk to me. More specifically, my mom. My dad is eh, hes never been really there. Its just my mom that genuinely makes me go insane everytime. She could just be standing there and id be in a pissy mood for 24H. I guess its because my emotions were always suppressed? Then again, i dont know. Im never sure of anything. Shes just so emotionally abusive. It grew on me. Like, maybe that's why im like this? Or am i just being sensitive again and theyre not bad people? I sometimes feel bad for her that she has a child like me, I feel bad for both my parents. I just feel so toxic, i feel like im too unstable or whatever bullshit my parents probabpy describe me. Does anyone feel like this?

Yep, I feel mad when it comes to thinking about my mother, sometimes mine was also emotionally abusive, but she was abusive physically too, that's kind of the reason why I get pissed at her talking to me too. I think it has something to do with not being able to forget the past. I relate to the feeling of being toxic. I don't think it's toxic, though personally, they wronged you in the past, even if they apologized for it, it'll never undo what your mother did to you and what mine did to me.

 

[lost in the lilies]

Yes. For me, it doesn't stem from emotional abuse but from emotional neglect.

I was much happier living on my own at university but I'm not sure how much of that was from being away from both of them, or because I just generally still had one last bastion of optimism before I graduated with the wrong degree and permanently fucked my life into an unstoppable downward spiral.

My father is a very practical person. Good to go to with a practical problem (i.e. "car need fix") but not much else. My mom cooks dinner and hasn't kicked me out but she is just unable to understand how I feel, and it's been that way since I was a child. Sometimes it's like she doesn't even make an effort, or is secretly making an effort to not understand.

They are both 60+ years old. They're basically 35-40 years older than me. They are completely out of touch.

It doesn't help that it's usually the most out of touch people who think they are the most in touch. Unrelated, but interesting name haha. Do you actually practice witchcraft?

 

[witchcraft]

It doesn't help that it's usually the most out of touch people who think they are the most in touch. Unrelated, but interesting name haha. Do you actually practice witchcraft?

For real. And thank-you. I don't want to derail too much but it's from a time I was falsely accused of hacking in a video game and banned by a community of people whom I thought were my friends. Pleading my case and going to great lengths to provide evidence that I don't cheat, even jumping through hoops that THEY told me to jump through like a good little clown, they were dismissive and cracked jokes about burning me at the stake for committing "video game witchcraft." I decided to re-appropriate their insult as a username instead of letting that whole debacle remain a very negative life experience. I like to read and enjoy The Crucible so I found the whole experience and its historical parallels rather fascinating after a year or so passed and moved onto other games and found a different community.

To try and tie this into the thread topic, I could not imagine going to either of my parents about that whole incident. Just like I never felt as though I could go to them for any problem of emotional significance and complexity, like dating troubles. At least to my dad, it would have seemed impossibly stupid—not what happened to me, but the mere fact that I was upset.

That whole event was during COVID, and I had just recently moved to university where I had no friends, so I had become quite attached to those online people. (Not every single one of them necessarily thought I was a cheater, but 99% of people turned their backs either way.)

Anyway, I do dabble in tarot from a secular angle. That's about it.

Nice profile picture. I had no idea that they were remaking Fatal Frame II.

 

[DisIsDaPhoenyx]

It's the same way with my mom and dad. It easier for me at least to be mad at my mom because she acts like she's so much better than my dad when the fact of the matter is they are both terrible parents. I think it makes me upset because she fails to realize how rotten she is! She is so male-centered and chooses a man over her kids any day so when I'm stuck taking care of my younger siblings then she wanna swoop in and act like a mother. She just leaves me peeved.

 

[Lucid7972]

same, I think I've forgot all the stories in all these years, but the rage, as an emotion and feeling, remains, I haven't seen them for years, only a few courtesy calls every year

 

[lost in the lilies]

For real. And thank-you. I don't want to derail too much but it's from a time I was falsely accused of hacking in a video game and banned by a community of people whom I thought were my friends. Pleading my case and going to great lengths to provide evidence that I don't cheat, even jumping through hoops that THEY told me to jump through like a good little clown, they were dismissive and cracked jokes about burning me at the stake for committing "video game witchcraft." I decided to re-appropriate their insult as a username instead of letting that whole debacle remain a very negative life experience. I like to read and enjoy The Crucible so I found the whole experience and its historical parallels rather fascinating after a year or so passed and moved onto other games and found a different community.

To try and tie this into the thread topic, I could not imagine going to either of my parents about that whole incident. Just like I never felt as though I could go to them for any problem of emotional significance and complexity, like dating troubles. At least to my dad, it would have seemed impossibly stupid—not what happened to me, but the mere fact that I was upset.

That whole event was during COVID, and I had just recently moved to university where I had no friends, so I had become quite attached to those online people. (Not every single one of them necessarily thought I was a cheater, but 99% of people turned their backs either way.)

Anyway, I do dabble in tarot from a secular angle. That's about it.

Nice profile picture. I had no idea that they were remaking Fatal Frame II.

I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that, I've known some people online who I'd consider to be pretty close friends and I can imagine having anyone you care about suddenly kind of switching up & being dismissive of you and anything you have to say would really suck. That being said, it is pretty funny that they would accuse you of ''video game witchcraft'', I often get accused of cheating in game and those interactions are usually really funny and I like to save whatever messages they send in the process because of that. There's been many funny ones but nothing quite like "you should be burnt at the stake for video game withcraft", I'm honestly kind of jealous haha. Not making light of your situation, I'm sure it didn't exactly feel humorous going through it. I'm glad you were able to get past it, though I'm curious what game you were being accused of cheating in?

Regarding "talking to your parents during moments of emotional vulnerability" I can probably speak for many other people when I say that the few instances in which I ever tried to find some sort of solace by reaching out to some family member I was only given a lengthy list of reasons as to why doing that was a mistake and why I should never open up to anyone (at least in my family) again. I know that type of mental isolation is pretty unhealthy, but in a way it has made me more resilient & introspective, so I feel like I probably know & understand myself far better as a result. This to say, there's obviously a lot of downsides with this type of behavior but there's definitely some upsides, too.

And thank you! Yeah, I forgot when it's supposed to come out but I'm curious to see what it'll be like

 

[sillycat]

It's not weird to feel this way. And I don't think you should blame yourself. Chances are your parents (specifically mom) did things to warrant this kind of reaction from you. You said she's emotionally abusive. And in another post you said your parents were emotionally absent. Maybe you can identify some things that she does or has done in the past that hurt you. I don't have a solution. But I wish you'd experience less self doubt and confusion. Maybe they actually are bad people and you're not too sensitive. (Just a thought)

Personally I can relate. And since last year I decided not to share anything with my mom anymore. Distance myself emotionally. In the past, she directly insulted me or was outright cruel (without realizing this herself) After confronting her countless times she started insulting me indirectly. She doesn't seem to understand she's hurting me, no matter how many times I try to explain. She's probably been abused herself, and this continues in her current relationship. She simply lacks the framework to recognize these things. And as a result also doesn't know how to treat others with respect. So I no longer share things with her. Our relationship is very practical and superficial. And I owe it to myself. It's the best thing to do in my situation. It means I never really had any emotional support from my parents. And that's a difficult thing that has caused me many problems. But cutting the emotional connection is necessary and while it isn't ideal, it's the best thing for me.

Wishing you good luck. I don't think you're too sensitive.

Edit: spelling

That's exactly my relationship with my parents, are we twin? I have been trying to explain my situation in words but you described it perfectly.

 

[Lostandlooking]

That's exactly my relationship with my parents, are we twin? I have been trying to explain my situation in words but you described it perfectly.

I'm sorry you have the same experiences. But at the same time it's kinda nice to hear I'm not alone in this. Also from reading other posts in this thread. Lots of things are very familiar.

My mom recently asked if I would visit again sometime in the future. It's been a while… maybe more than a year at this point. I decided to tell her some of the reasons why I no longer visit. Her boyfriend is very misogynistic and very vocal about it as well. He also says things to shock me, like how he wouldn't go to the vet to have a pet euthanized. He'd do it himself by drowning the animal. My mom said everybody says stupid things sometimes. I told her I don't know anybody who says things like that. And that was the end of it. Long story short: I won't be visiting any time soon. I don't need people in my life who are racist, misogynistic, cruel and abrasive.

I didn't confront my mom about going along with his behavior. In a way she's a victim of his abuse. But sadly she'll never understand. Like I said before, she lacks the framework to recognize disrespectful behavior. And as a result also doesn't know how to treat other people with respect.

It's a sad situation.