I wake up, dreading the fact that it's yet another day I have to deal with. I just lay in my bed for hours. Rare is the day that I get out of bed within the first hour. No, I'm sitting there for 2-5 hours before I finally decide to get out. I drink some water but don't eat, I'd like to eat breakfast, but it is so rare that I ever feel hungry. I'll skip it and eat something later. It's mid-afternoon by this point. I've got the rest of the day to do... well to do what? I don't enjoy anything. I liked gaming when I was a teenager. I don't anymore. I don't have anything to do outside. There aren't any TV shows or movies I want to watch. YouTube videos are just, bland.
So I just sit in my chair in front of my computer, just idling on the desktop. Sometimes I pace around my apartment. Here and there maybe I'll play a game for an hour or two but I'm bored the whole time. It's evening now, I suppose I should eat something. I really don't feel like cooking, I'll just throw something in the microwave.
Dinner's done, I've got a few hours left before I should be in bed. I should do something so that I didn't spend the entire day doing literally nothing. But, nothing is enjoyable. I can't think of any way to pass the time. I just sit there. I pace around some more, thinking about life, or whatever else floats around in my mind.
Suddenly it's past midnight. I should probably go to bed. I lay in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. Dreading the next day. Hating myself for wasting today. I hope tonight I can sleep for several hours, that will pass the time and would probably be healthy. Finally, I sleep for a couple of hours, before I wake up again. But I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to have to face yet another day, so I lay there for a few hours...
Every day is the same cycle, I waste away rarely doing anything. I do nothing but just sit there. I should be doing anything. I'm not talking about being productive, who cares about being productive I just want to do something I can enjoy to pass the time. Anhedonia is a real bitch, isn't it? There's more to life than just sitting there until the next day comes but it sure doesn't seem like it for me.
Suicide DiscussionHollowman
