Venting Does anybody else waste their entire day every day?

[dragonofenvy]

I wake up, dreading the fact that it's yet another day I have to deal with. I just lay in my bed for hours. Rare is the day that I get out of bed within the first hour. No, I'm sitting there for 2-5 hours before I finally decide to get out. I drink some water but don't eat, I'd like to eat breakfast, but it is so rare that I ever feel hungry. I'll skip it and eat something later. It's mid-afternoon by this point. I've got the rest of the day to do... well to do what? I don't enjoy anything. I liked gaming when I was a teenager. I don't anymore. I don't have anything to do outside. There aren't any TV shows or movies I want to watch. YouTube videos are just, bland.

So I just sit in my chair in front of my computer, just idling on the desktop. Sometimes I pace around my apartment. Here and there maybe I'll play a game for an hour or two but I'm bored the whole time. It's evening now, I suppose I should eat something. I really don't feel like cooking, I'll just throw something in the microwave.

Dinner's done, I've got a few hours left before I should be in bed. I should do something so that I didn't spend the entire day doing literally nothing. But, nothing is enjoyable. I can't think of any way to pass the time. I just sit there. I pace around some more, thinking about life, or whatever else floats around in my mind.

Suddenly it's past midnight. I should probably go to bed. I lay in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. Dreading the next day. Hating myself for wasting today. I hope tonight I can sleep for several hours, that will pass the time and would probably be healthy. Finally, I sleep for a couple of hours, before I wake up again. But I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to have to face yet another day, so I lay there for a few hours...

Every day is the same cycle, I waste away rarely doing anything. I do nothing but just sit there. I should be doing anything. I'm not talking about being productive, who cares about being productive I just want to do something I can enjoy to pass the time. Anhedonia is a real bitch, isn't it? There's more to life than just sitting there until the next day comes but it sure doesn't seem like it for me.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yes. But I'll be dead soon so it doesn't matter.

 

[ShotgunShell]

Oh this one hits hard. That's pretty much been my daily routine for the past few years now. I don't have much to say other than I'm sorry- I know that kind of cycle fucking sucks.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah, I waste my entire day lying in bed and browsing the internet. I used to waste it on video games, but my mom confiscated my consoles :(

 

[dragonofenvy]

Yeah, I waste my entire day lying in bed and browsing the internet. I used to waste it on video games, but my mom confiscated my consoles :(

I remember when my parents did the same thing many years ago because they blamed my mental problems on video games. They thought I would suddenly transform into a happy kid who got along well with everyone. No, I just spent every day bored doing nothing but watching YouTube, and got worse much to their dismay. Who would've guessed that video games were a coping mechanism and not the problem?

 

[divinemistress36]

Bed rotting everyday for the past 5 years

 

[sserafim]

Bed rotting everyday for the past 5 years

For me it's been the past 2 years

 

[divinemistress36]

For me it's been the past 2 years

Motivation is overrated

 

[Dliena]

Yep I just sit around staring at my laptop screen for 15 hours a day everyday for the past decade now like what am I doing anymore.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Productive people are wasting their days too. Those fools think the things they do actually matter. It's pathetic.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Productive people are wasting their days too. Those fools think the things they do actually matter. It's pathetic.

I was a highly "productive" member of society who wasted a year and a half of my life and destroyed my body in a factory casting metal parts for various vehicle, medical, tool, and military companies. Hundreds to thousands per day. Boy did I feel so important when I made the 30,000th cupholder frame for Tesla that month. They had propaganda on TV screens telling us how we were enriching people's lives with the work we do and how much the world appreciates us. Yeah, right. As if any of my productivity mattered.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I was a highly "productive" member of society who wasted a year and a half of my life and destroyed my body in a factory casting metal parts for various vehicle, medical, tool, and military companies. Hundreds to thousands per day. Boy did I feel so important when I made the 30,000th cupholder frame for Tesla that month. They had propaganda on TV screens telling us how we were enriching people's lives with the work we do and how much the world appreciates us. Yeah, right. As if any of my productivity mattered.

You've reached enlightenment and are better than your peers. But it doesn't matter lol

 

[sserafim]

I was a highly "productive" member of society who wasted a year and a half of my life and destroyed my body in a factory casting metal parts for various vehicle, medical, tool, and military companies. Hundreds to thousands per day. Boy did I feel so important when I made the 30,000th cupholder frame for Tesla that month. They had propaganda on TV screens telling us how we were enriching people's lives with the work we do and how much the world appreciates us. Yeah, right. As if any of my productivity mattered.

Society brainwashes everyone into thinking that the meaning of life is to "be productive". Imo, you don't need to be productive to be loved or valued. It's okay to not be productive

Productive people are wasting their days too. Those fools think the things they do actually matter. It's pathetic.

They're all in the capitalist rat race, but it's just a pointless game.

 

[MrShino]

I feel you. I do waste alot of time myself. Did you try signing up for some voluntary work or something? Might be helpful to get out and just do something for others, even if the motivation is lacking it might do you good if you manage to go through with it anyway. That's what I am trying to do now. Also, helps alot just to visit a friend and watch some TV series or anything. Or try visiting church and partake in a home group if they have. Just throwing ideas. Hope you find something that will make your days more meaningful my friend!

 

[R_N]

Kind of. At least that is how average person would view me.

I am not playing the blame game here but they put me in this position themselves too, therapy in particular which was the final nail in the coffin since it took my health away. I am not exactly fit for being a good slave anymore so by their definition I am a waste.

Still, this "tragedy" allowed me to have some peace. Despite my issues I was able to enjoy myself here and there and managed to cope. Come to accept my issues and what my life came to be. Also did some introspection and observed society from outside the box.

So, I am a waste by society's standards but I am fine with being seen like that.

And whatever happens to me I accept my fate no matter how uncomfortable it could be.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Being a drain on society is equal to being a philanthropist ultimately.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Did you try signing up for some voluntary work or something?

I did volunteerism when I was a teenager. I didn't feel gratified doing it sadly. I'm not sure what I could do here as I live in a very small area.

Also, helps alot just to visit a friend and watch some TV series or anything.

I would do this but I unfortunately, sadly, have no friends or much of a family.

I think a big part of my issue is simple anhedonia. I've been to amusement parks and was just bored the entire time. I've gone ice skating and didn't enjoy it. I traveled to most of the western US, saw the Grand Canyon, traipsed through Yellowstone, walked in the deserts of Arizona, visited the Mall of America, went to awesome waterparks, and I simply did not like any of it. It's been a persistent problem since I was 12. I don't know how to fix anhedonia, if I did I probably wouldn't have written the post.

Also did some introspection and observed society from outside the box.

One thing I appreciate about wasting my days is that it gave me the opportunity to introspect and think about things. People seriously underestimate the value of giving yourself time to think.

 

[MrShino]

I understand, I guess that's the problem with anhedonia, huh. That even if what you do is meaningful - you dont experience it as such. It might help to just do it anyway tho, just to shake up the routines, meet some people and get some fresh air. I don't know. I know many people here are not believers, but I would still suggest the last option I gave here - to visit a church and partake in a fellowship. There are usually alot of friendly people there that wants to help (in my experience at least). It's something that brings joy and light to my life at least. A sense of belonging can do wonders for the soul. Just sharing what helps for me. Hope you find something that suits you. :)

 

[R_N]

One thing I appreciate about wasting my days is that it gave me the opportunity to introspect and think about things. People seriously underestimate the value of giving yourself time to think.

The funny thing is how often I end up giving advice to my friend who lives a "normal" life. It feels weird but he always opens up to me and appreciates my input.

I think it should be the other way around but he is often too affected by social hierarchy and comparisons so he needs to be calmed down. It's so surreal when I think about it... Considering what I went through.

 

[kawaiiphantom]

Anhedonia Is fucking awful, I'm so sorry your have to deal with it too I relate deeply to what you described. I waste my day every day too, I just rot in bed, I feel like just an empty decaying shell of what I once was. I rarely get hungry as well, often I'll suddenly realize it's 6 pm and I haven't eaten anything, the only indication I get when I need to eat is when my stomach starts hurting a lot. I don't enjoy anything anymore either, everything feels so bland and lifeless and pointless. I tried to play one of my favorite games yesterday and it only engaged me for like 10 mins until I felt disinterested and fatigued. It's like I'm already dying, jumping in between social media apps scrounging for the littlest bit of dopamine to make me feel SOMETHING, anything. I'm so tired of this and of everything and auhh. Thank you for this post and sharing how your experience, although I wish you didn't have to go through this too, I'm glad to not feel alone

 

[onbekend]

So I just sit in my chair in front of my computer, just idling on the desktop. Sometimes I pace around my apartment. Here and there maybe I'll play a game for an hour or two but I'm bored the whole time. It's evening now, I suppose I should eat something. I really don't feel like cooking, I'll just throw something in the microwave.

Wow. Literally perfectly described everything that I've done in one day for the past few years now.
I hope everything will be okay for you.

 

[Malaria]

I used to have passions and goals. I used to want to learn Japanese and be a professional artist/storyteller. I used to really be passionate and excited about media. Now all I do is mindlessly scroll through social media, and watch YouTube videos I don't even like. I've been feeling this way for a very long time, where I just couldn't feel pleasure at all anymore. Comedy is no longer funny, food no longer tastes good, art is no longer beautiful, hell, even sex no longer feels good.

I used to be able to manage my negative emotions through escapism, but I feel like I can't have escapism anymore because of the damn anhedonia and social media addiction. I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm wasting my life. I know I only have one life, and I'm getting older, so I want to feel like my life was worth something, but everyday it's wasted and I feel completely worthless. Doesn't help that the job currently I have is eating away at my soul too.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Today was a great day of change. Today, rather than doing nothing all day, I spent 8 consecutive hours on this forum.

Memeing aside, I used to not understand social media addiction but now I do. But honestly, being able to talk about my shit even if I can be a doomer at times, and try to help others and show some compassion to real people made me feel a whole lot better than just sitting around being bored. Even if I feel like I can slightly improve someone's mood from my random ramblings I make I feel that was time I spent well.

And here I thought I was a bitter misanthrope who hated everyone. I still am, don't think I've changed, but I'm less so than I realized. Even if I'm spending time on this forum, fuck it. Trying to slightly help other people is better than doing nothing. I'm not sure if I will do anything with this, I probably won't, let's just be honest, but at least I feel like I did something that is actually good, that I don't feel guilty for spending time doing for once in several years.

So thank you to everyone who shared their experiences here, and to everyone on this forum. Today, you made me feel a lot less shit.

 

[RemainingDubious]

I wake up, dreading the fact that it's yet another day I have to deal with. I just lay in my bed for hours. Rare is the day that I get out of bed within the first hour. No, I'm sitting there for 2-5 hours before I finally decide to get out. I drink some water but don't eat, I'd like to eat breakfast, but it is so rare that I ever feel hungry. I'll skip it and eat something later. It's mid-afternoon by this point. I've got the rest of the day to do... well to do what? I don't enjoy anything. I liked gaming when I was a teenager. I don't anymore. I don't have anything to do outside. There aren't any TV shows or movies I want to watch. YouTube videos are just, bland.

So I just sit in my chair in front of my computer, just idling on the desktop. Sometimes I pace around my apartment. Here and there maybe I'll play a game for an hour or two but I'm bored the whole time. It's evening now, I suppose I should eat something. I really don't feel like cooking, I'll just throw something in the microwave.

Dinner's done, I've got a few hours left before I should be in bed. I should do something so that I didn't spend the entire day doing literally nothing. But, nothing is enjoyable. I can't think of any way to pass the time. I just sit there. I pace around some more, thinking about life, or whatever else floats around in my mind.

Suddenly it's past midnight. I should probably go to bed. I lay in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. Dreading the next day. Hating myself for wasting today. I hope tonight I can sleep for several hours, that will pass the time and would probably be healthy. Finally, I sleep for a couple of hours, before I wake up again. But I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to have to face yet another day, so I lay there for a few hours...

Every day is the same cycle, I waste away rarely doing anything. I do nothing but just sit there. I should be doing anything. I'm not talking about being productive, who cares about being productive I just want to do something I can enjoy to pass the time. Anhedonia is a real bitch, isn't it? There's more to life than just sitting there until the next day comes but it sure doesn't seem like it for me.

I wake up, dreading the fact that it's yet another day I have to deal with. I just lay in my bed for hours. Rare is the day that I get out of bed within the first hour. No, I'm sitting there for 2-5 hours before I finally decide to get out. I drink some water but don't eat, I'd like to eat breakfast, but it is so rare that I ever feel hungry. I'll skip it and eat something later. It's mid-afternoon by this point. I've got the rest of the day to do... well to do what? I don't enjoy anything. I liked gaming when I was a teenager. I don't anymore. I don't have anything to do outside. There aren't any TV shows or movies I want to watch. YouTube videos are just, bland.

So I just sit in my chair in front of my computer, just idling on the desktop. Sometimes I pace around my apartment. Here and there maybe I'll play a game for an hour or two but I'm bored the whole time. It's evening now, I suppose I should eat something. I really don't feel like cooking, I'll just throw something in the microwave.

Dinner's done, I've got a few hours left before I should be in bed. I should do something so that I didn't spend the entire day doing literally nothing. But, nothing is enjoyable. I can't think of any way to pass the time. I just sit there. I pace around some more, thinking about life, or whatever else floats around in my mind.

Suddenly it's past midnight. I should probably go to bed. I lay in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. Dreading the next day. Hating myself for wasting today. I hope tonight I can sleep for several hours, that will pass the time and would probably be healthy. Finally, I sleep for a couple of hours, before I wake up again. But I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to have to face yet another day, so I lay there for a few hours...

Every day is the same cycle, I waste away rarely doing anything. I do nothing but just sit there. I should be doing anything. I'm not talking about being productive, who cares about being productive I just want to do something I can enjoy to pass the time. Anhedonia is a real bitch, isn't it? There's more to life than just sitting there until the next day comes but it sure doesn't seem like it for me.

Thank you for posting this, my existence over the last few months has been very similar to yours. i've never heard of anhedonia.

i've accepted the fact that things actually can't improve for me either. the longer it goes on the more difficult i find having to go the shop or something that most people can do effortlessly. Some days i don't even bother getting up since there isn't anything worth getting up for.

The people i care about (who've guilt tripped me to exist before) don't understand. Those who told me they care and would always be there haven't, etc. The truth is there's loads of times i could of be happily died and those that said they "care" or those who've guilt tripped me, wouldn't have noticed for days, weeks, possibly even months.

i've become detached. i've stopped replying to their messages cause i no longer know what to say. i don't have the energy to get up most days. So i definitely don't have the energy for peoples bullshit anymore. i can't invest in their lies anymore. It's actually rather hurtful how i've been told multiple times things will get better. i won't always feel the way i do. The majority have never even been in a similar position so how would they even know? Just because their their own thoughts and feelings are so fickle it doesn't mean mine are. i know myself more than they do combined. They flippantly say shit and completely downplay how messed up i actually am. So i don't bother making an effort for them anymore.

i'm sorry to hear you feel the way you do and hope you can find something to motivate you into making your experience better. Thank you again for sharing, it means a lot understanding there's someone else trapped in a loop that's torturous and discovering it even has a name.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

The combination of executive dysfunction and severe agoraphobia has made it impossible to do anything. I just lie around on the internet surrounded by these four walls and it's been that way since leaving school well over a decade ago. I don't even really have a routine. I just sleep and if I'm not sleeping, I'm rotting. Living like groundhog day everyday. Repeating days. It's so easy to lose track of time and when you're not doing anything, is there really such a point in time keeping?

It helps a little bit to clean around the house and open a window every now and then for a taste of fresh air, otherwise, it is the same day on loop.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Sometimes I waste my entire day. However, on a few days, I get a panic attack over how much university work I missed out on and so I try to study as much as possible on those days. But, because of my autism, I study slower than average hence I don't know if I can say that my days are productive or not as I don't end up doing much anyway. On average, I'd say that I don't do more than the bare minimum

Society brainwashes everyone into thinking that the meaning of life is to "be productive". Imo, you don't need to be productive to be loved or valued. It's okay to not be productive

The whole "be productive" rhetoric is used as a propaganda technique to make people justify why they're spending the majority of their lives slaving away to a job. I'm confident that the majority of people who apply for a job don't do so because of productivity but rather because they want to survive. However, if they were to admit that, society would fall apart so they need a comfortable excuse to justify their lives. The same thing applies to the idea of "giving back to society"

 

[bakkikak]

I wake up, dreading the fact that it's yet another day I have to deal with. I just lay in my bed for hours. Rare is the day that I get out of bed within the first hour. No, I'm sitting there for 2-5 hours before I finally decide to get out. I drink some water but don't eat, I'd like to eat breakfast, but it is so rare that I ever feel hungry. I'll skip it and eat something later. It's mid-afternoon by this point. I've got the rest of the day to do... well to do what? I don't enjoy anything. I liked gaming when I was a teenager. I don't anymore. I don't have anything to do outside. There aren't any TV shows or movies I want to watch. YouTube videos are just, bland.

So I just sit in my chair in front of my computer, just idling on the desktop. Sometimes I pace around my apartment. Here and there maybe I'll play a game for an hour or two but I'm bored the whole time. It's evening now, I suppose I should eat something. I really don't feel like cooking, I'll just throw something in the microwave.

Dinner's done, I've got a few hours left before I should be in bed. I should do something so that I didn't spend the entire day doing literally nothing. But, nothing is enjoyable. I can't think of any way to pass the time. I just sit there. I pace around some more, thinking about life, or whatever else floats around in my mind.

Suddenly it's past midnight. I should probably go to bed. I lay in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. Dreading the next day. Hating myself for wasting today. I hope tonight I can sleep for several hours, that will pass the time and would probably be healthy. Finally, I sleep for a couple of hours, before I wake up again. But I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to have to face yet another day, so I lay there for a few hours...

Every day is the same cycle, I waste away rarely doing anything. I do nothing but just sit there. I should be doing anything. I'm not talking about being productive, who cares about being productive I just want to do something I can enjoy to pass the time. Anhedonia is a real bitch, isn't it? There's more to life than just sitting there until the next day comes but it sure doesn't seem like it for me.

I feel you so much, I used to be really busy, reading books, writing stories, playing musical instruments, but now I hardly ever have the energy and motivation to even come out of my bed and do stuff. Nothing seems to be worth it anymore, and the only thing I do is waste my time on social media.

 

[VoidedExistence]

Yes. Been doing that for the last four years. I will keep doing that until I die.

 

[CoffeeN]

Productive people are wasting their days too. Those fools think the things they do actually matter. It's pathetic.

Actually many people are productive and still depressed and has nobody in their life, just working day and night foolishly without any goal but there are also people who are productive ,improving themselves everyday to get a better standard of living and their dream job. I hope u didn't mean to attack the later . I know people who can't live without their work, it keeps them"alive" + helps them with depression. And money can buy everything, so cheers to depressed workaholics.

 

[xmissellax]

Damn, could have written this myself. In a way it gives me a lot of solace to know I'm not the only one out there feeling this way. But it's sad anyone ever has to feel like this. I wish it wasn't like this for us.

Sleep is the only relief from my brain I get. Waking up has just become really triggering tbh. It's like, I have to survive yet another day. I can't carry on like this. I cry every day. I feel such loss and hopelessness. The only thing keeping me going is the possibility of securing SN to do that method. It's all I'm researching and thinking about all day. But it seems really fucking hard to get a reliable source anywhere. I'm tired.