Does a part of you wants to be saved?

[theloserestloser]

part of me wishes someone would save me but im so unsocialized that i can't stand it when people are around me. i think id rather people knew what i was going thru than to actively engage me on it.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Yes but that part of me is an evil corrupt bastard that deserves to die and if no one else will kill him then I will.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Yes definitely. But honestly I don't know if that part is a real part or just a manifestation of my survival instincts or inherent narcissistic traits! Even if it is a true part,then also it doesn't matter as practically my problems cannot be solved. My idea of being saved means that I am genuinely interested in living this life(not necessarily happy or passionate 'cause that would obviously come with efforts and time and support) and not being forced upon, through gaslighting and completely obliterating my sense of reality and real problems just so that others can be satisfied.

 

[needed_]

the question is what "saved" means.. saved from what? surely I don't want to be saved from killing myself if my life goes on the same then.. I want to be saved from my bipolar disorder but I don't see that happening (I've tried so many meds) so what would "saved" even look like? it's not that I want to die, but I cannot live any longer. I am indeed waiting for a miracle

 

[Alwaysdreaming]

I really don't think anybody wants to truly die. We just want the pain stop. I have been dealing with severe depression since a really young age and just a few years ago I was attacked by a family member while I was sick, underweight and malnourished. I have struggled very hard for many years with suicidal ideations and to add that last situation it really pushed me over the edge. I have been doing everything I can to try to get better but with really no emotional support other then my therapist things have gotten really difficult. I am in my early 30s I only just recently discovered and had to be convinced that I am not borderline or any of that stuff. My issues apparently started when I was young and I just happen to suppress and normalize the fucked up shit around me. When I was growing up, It wasn't ok to feel so I never learned to process or deal with my emotions. Now I can't even be physically or emotionally connected to anyone. The thought of even letting anyone in physically makes me sick. I have tried several several medications and many in-patient visits. I just got done with TMS and unfortunately it didn't help me (just because it didn't work for me doesn't mean it wont work for someone else. I have met people that claim it has helped them). I am now literally at my last resorts. I have actually had very very good results from certain psychedelics and now even the doctors want me to explore that option. I never in my life thought I would be told by a major hospital to seek psychedelics and to find a "local trip guide" (legally find these treatments - be careful if you use psychedelics - not for everyone). The point I am trying to make besides just dumping my heart out because if I don't I am afraid I may act early, is if you can try to get help get it. Not everybody can get the help they need and its unfortunate. Sometimes your quality of life just wont be worth it to you. It all depends on your circumstances. I know I can feel differently because there was a brief moment when I didn't feel shitty for once in my miserable life. I hope I can get there and maintain it better this time. If not death is always there. If you can get help get help. For those that truly are unlucky you do what you have to do and get the rest you deserve.

 

[gottago222]

no not at all. as long as im alive bad things can happen and im good to go

 

[neverend]

I don't really know what I want.

 

[HappyForever?]

Yes. If a miracle happens and I find a gf I will stop being suicidal and never look back.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

Hmm, I'm torn on being saved. On the one hand, of course - it would be wonderful to be free of my severe intrusive thoughts and utter lack of motivation, to find living enjoyable and socializing a delight.

But on the other, the desire to ctb has been such a massive part of my life for so long that, I don't know if it's possible - that is, I don't know if the person who would be saved could entirely be called "me." My identity has been so impacted by my mental health, that I don't know who I'd be without it. I've held on to fragments of my pre ocd and suicidal self, but that's all they feel like - pieces, not a whole person, and certainly not the "me" I am today. ...but maybe that's too introspective? Idk.

 

[brainpain2]

I want to be cured of my chronic pain, and insomnia But they have no cure. If I was cured of those, I would be okay with living

 

[Looooser]

I'll be 50 I'm a few months and I definitely had more hope than I do now. I feel cursed since my attempts to ctb have failed

 

[iamalwaysalone]

i want to be saved from my mental illness, as i'm i don't want to be depressed and suicidal anymore. unfortunately i have exhausted all options to accomplish that. the last thing i want is to be saved from yet another attempt though. i've already been saved from 3 and stopped from even starting a couple others

I hope it's ok to ask how you managed to survive 3 attempts? I completely relate to wanting to be saved from mental illness and a lot of times I think about surviving a a suicide attempt as something that could possibly do that for me in some weird way that doesn't really make any sense but somehow does for me.

I absolutely don't want that anyone prohibits me to ctb. I want to have the opportunity for peaceful assisted suicide and I think this should be a human right.
On the other hand I feel rather forced to ctb because I cannot solve some huge problems that I have. I wish someone or something could solve these problems for me. I am hoping for a miracle. So in that sense yes I want to be saved.
But under no circumstances this means that when the pain becomes unbreable and my problems still are not be solved they should lock me up against my will. However many pro-lifer mean that by "saving a life".

Do you want to be saved and what does that mean to you?

I just want to be happy and feel like I'm living instead of existing because otherwise I feel like life is meaningless and I'm better off having never been born. But like most people said that idea feels so foreign and in the end you just accept that you will forever be depressed and have hurt in your heart and there's nothing you can do about it no matter how many meds you take or how many friends or lovers you have.

 

[hatedanddestroyed]

I want to be saved but there's only 2 options for saving 1) my wife comes back 2) someone new that blows away all problems and never betrays me

 

[willitpass]

I hope it's ok to ask how you managed to survive 3 attempts? I completely relate to wanting to be saved from mental illness and a lot of times I think about surviving a a suicide attempt as something that could possibly do that for me in some weird way that doesn't really make any sense but somehow does for me.

survival instinct.

 

[ncmxm]

Yes, although I don't want to admit it

 

[NumbItAll]

Sometimes I can't tell if I feel bad because I hate everything or I hate everything because I feel bad. It's probably a combination of both in a vicious negative feedback loop. In the end I just want to stop suffering, and suicide would only be a very crude way of achieving that.

 

[Interloper]

Yes, although I don't want to admit it

 

[waitingforrest]

If my saver can find a surefire way to save me from my mind, them maybe I wouldn't "mind" living a bit longer. (Sorry for the stupid joke)

Otherwise, I really don't see myself getting better from the more traditional methods of help :(