Story Document

[Carryline]

S
So I watched a documentary about a woman who spent over 30 years in prison, a lot of people do, but she wanted to be in prison, she hated freedom, she did everything she could to get into prison, she stole just to get into prison, she never worked in prison, she did everything just to not work, and that was in line with her revenge on the state and society. In 2013, she got out of prison early and she was angry and crying because she didn't want to. She was happy in prison. I can't imagine what a terrible life someone must have to just voluntarily sit in prison. She died at 56, she froze in the park, the doctors couldn't help her. She also tried to commit suicide, but it wasn't possible because she was afraid. Someone even stabbed her and she almost died, but they saved her anyway.

If she couldn't kill herself and probably had more reasons to do it than I did, how can I do it?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had probably naive thoughts like that in the past- that I'd be ok with being in prison. Mainly because I felt sick of working and, being expected to work. But then- they do in prison also presumably.

But then- I started to wonder what the real difference was! I've done jobs that were probably similar to prison jobs. As I saw it- they fed you, gave you shelter and offered you education for free.

I began questioning how free I actually was. Ok- I could go out some place and enjoy myself but that meant, I would feel awful at work. Most of my leisure time was spent recovering from the work I'd just done and preparing for the next onslaught. I could have quit my job I suppose. Found another one but- why would that be different? I could quit all together but then, who would pay the bills? Freezing in a park didn't appeal. But- I started to think- how free is anyone really? Working people's lives are often dictated by their job. Is there really freedom?

Of course, I'm sure I had an idealised view! I'm sure the conditions are horrible in prison. Plus- ironically- prison looks far too social for me! I probably see a delivery driver for a few seconds every few days. I imagine you end up seeing more people even in solitary confinement! Plus, if some are bullies or aggressive- hell no.

I think more though- it's the pressure to succeed in the real world- that I wanted to escape from. If I was in prison, I felt like there would be that stretch of time I would be allowed to not have to succeed. Of course- that's probably naive too. Maybe the push there is even higher- to better yourself.

I imagine I'd hate it though. Plus- you're there for a reason too. I'd no doubt be dwelling on that and what people thought of me.

That's so sad though- that she froze in a park. I suppose that's what makes people angry really. That plenty of homeless people haven't commited a crime and yet- they don't get food or shelter.

It sounded like she needed a refuge of some sort but then- most I imagine do make you work to some extent. I find I tend to resent, envy and admire people who can work but, choose not too. Seemingly contadictory feelings but, I feel them all. Resentment because it's those of us who do work who pay taxes that support their lifestyle. Envy because I'd kind of like to live that way too. Plus, admiration because I think it takes guts to stand up to familial and societal pressure to comply. Plus- how wrong are they even? Our societies, huge corporations and governments are corrupt. Why should we comply with paying into a corrupt system?

I wonder though- did she ever consider that the people paying for her upkeep may have hated their jobs too? I do often see this by NEETS- they criticize and mock those who do work. But, without them- who on earth do they think would look after them?

 

[martyrdom]

Homeless people often do that, especially homeless women, for whom the alternative (on the streets) is rape and being trafficked.

 

[Carryline]

I've had probably naive thoughts like that in the past- that I'd be ok with being in prison. Mainly because I felt sick of working and, being expected to work. But then- they do in prison also presumably.

But then- I started to wonder what the real difference was! I've done jobs that were probably similar to prison jobs. As I saw it- they fed you, gave you shelter and offered you education for free.

I began questioning how free I actually was. Ok- I could go out some place and enjoy myself but that meant, I would feel awful at work. Most of my leisure time was spent recovering from the work I'd just done and preparing for the next onslaught. I could have quit my job I suppose. Found another one but- why would that be different? I could quit all together but then, who would pay the bills? Freezing in a park didn't appeal. But- I started to think- how free is anyone really? Working people's lives are often dictated by their job. Is there really freedom?

Of course, I'm sure I had an idealised view! I'm sure the conditions are horrible in prison. Plus- ironically- prison looks far too social for me! I probably see a delivery driver for a few seconds every few days. I imagine you end up seeing more people even in solitary confinement! Plus, if some are bullies or aggressive- hell no.

I think more though- it's the pressure to succeed in the real world- that I wanted to escape from. If I was in prison, I felt like there would be that stretch of time I would be allowed to not have to succeed. Of course- that's probably naive too. Maybe the push there is even higher- to better yourself.

I imagine I'd hate it though. Plus- you're there for a reason too. I'd no doubt be dwelling on that and what people thought of me.

That's so sad though- that she froze in a park. I suppose that's what makes people angry really. That plenty of homeless people haven't commited a crime and yet- they don't get food or shelter.

It sounded like she needed a refuge of some sort but then- most I imagine do make you work to some extent. I find I tend to resent, envy and admire people who can work but, choose not too. Seemingly contadictory feelings but, I feel them all. Resentment because it's those of us who do work who pay taxes that support their lifestyle. Envy because I'd kind of like to live that way too. Plus, admiration because I think it takes guts to stand up to familial and societal pressure to comply. Plus- how wrong are they even? Our societies, huge corporations and governments are corrupt. Why should we comply with paying into a corrupt system?

I wonder though- did she ever consider that the people paying for her upkeep may have hated their jobs too? I do often see this by NEETS- they criticize and mock those who do work. But, without them- who on earth do they think would look after them?

Sometimes I also think that going to prison will be better because I won't have to think about how I'm going to pay the rent and what I'm going to eat. I'm already in prison in my mind, every minute, every second I regret being born, I wish my mom would just abort me.

The woman in the documentary was already very sick, so she probably wouldn't have lived that long anyway, but I feel sorry for her because freezing to death must be terrible, at least she's in a better place now.

She even told everyone that she was addicted to prison, and because of the documentary people wanted to help her, but she refused, said she didn't understand the world and the world didn't understand her.

When they asked her what she thought about other people who work and actually pay their prison bills (and sometimes get some money after they get out of prison), she told them that she could steal things, didn't ask for help, and then told a story about another woman and how they didn't steal from her, and still got 7 months and 23 days. They even sent her to prison for 2 months because she stole bananas and oranges. But when she stole, she always tried to steal from big corporations, she usually steals clothes and always gives to people who had less than her, she even helped the homeless, she wasn't just evil and I think if she hadn't ended up in prison she would never have ended up like this. She even had a daughter and according to the same articles she died, so of course it's very hard and her partner left her.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometimes I also think that going to prison will be better because I won't have to think about how I'm going to pay the rent and what I'm going to eat. I'm already in prison in my mind, every minute, every second I regret being born, I wish my mom would just abort me.

The woman in the documentary was already very sick, so she probably wouldn't have lived that long anyway, but I feel sorry for her because freezing to death must be terrible, at least she's in a better place now.

She even told everyone that she was addicted to prison, and because of the documentary people wanted to help her, but she refused, said she didn't understand the world and the world didn't understand her.

When they asked her what she thought about other people who work and actually pay their prison bills (and sometimes get some money after they get out of prison), she told them that she could steal things, didn't ask for help, and then told a story about another woman and how they didn't steal from her, and still got 7 months and 23 days. They even sent her to prison for 2 months because she stole bananas and oranges. But when she stole, she always tried to steal from big corporations, she usually steals clothes and always gives to people who had less than her, she even helped the homeless, she wasn't just evil and I think if she hadn't ended up in prison she would never have ended up like this. She even had a daughter and according to the same articles she died, so of course it's very hard and her partner left her.

I suspect I'd eat better in prison. I've gotten so lazy.

Yeah, she definitely doesn't sound 'evil'. Just more of a lost soul I suppose. Not suited to this world at all. It is sad though really- you would have thought some sort of sheltered accomodation would be available. Sounds like she had more mental issues rather than criminal. It seemed like she only stole to return to somewhere she felt sheltered and safe.

Kind of unbelievable she had a daughter but then, being anti-natilist- that kind of troubles me. I consider myself too messed up to raise children. Not that I'd want to bring them into this mess regardless but, I wonder what her child's life was like and, why she died. But then, maybe her life was different before. My mind's jumping to her being a vulnerable woman, so her partner being abusive but, that's probably unfair too. It does sound a very sad story though.

 

[Carryline]

I suspect I'd eat better in prison. I've gotten so lazy.

Yeah, she definitely doesn't sound 'evil'. Just more of a lost soul I suppose. Not suited to this world at all. It is sad though really- you would have thought some sort of sheltered accomodation would be available. Sounds like she had more mental issues rather than criminal. It seemed like she only stole to return to somewhere she felt sheltered and safe.

Kind of unbelievable she had a daughter but then, being anti-natilist- that kind of troubles me. I consider myself too messed up to raise children. Not that I'd want to bring them into this mess regardless but, I wonder what her child's life was like and, why she died. But then, maybe her life was different before. My mind's jumping to her being a vulnerable woman, so her partner being abusive but, that's probably unfair too. It does sound a very sad story though.

I would enjoy the library in prison, I would read every book there. The only thing I would miss is the internet, but otherwise I am already in prison, that is called life. I feel like I lost my life at cards, like it couldn't feel worse, it doesn't matter where I am, and only death can set me free.

I also don't know why they didn't help her or send her to some place for the mentally ill. I think it could be cheaper and she could get some help and maybe she could stop stealing, I don't know... because it's not just the clothes, but also the court, the prison, the time spent in prison, all of that cost money... She even said, "This is my home... I'm home here" while she was in prison... She even asked God to let her steal for 14 days before they caught her... And what was also stupid, they gave her a sentence that she couldn't go back to her hometown, and she was right when she said that some people stole millions and nobody saw it, and she stole about 50 euros and she was punished for it. She even asked for some room or a place to stay instead of the money... But I think she would have ended up in prison anyway... But somehow I feel like it's not just her fault.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I would enjoy the library in prison, I would read every book there. The only thing I would miss is the internet, but otherwise I am already in prison, that is called life. I feel like I lost my life at cards, like it couldn't feel worse, it doesn't matter where I am, and only death can set me free.

I also don't know why they didn't help her or send her to some place for the mentally ill. I think it could be cheaper and she could get some help and maybe she could stop stealing, I don't know... because it's not just the clothes, but also the court, the prison, the time spent in prison, all of that cost money... She even said, "This is my home... I'm home here" while she was in prison... She even asked God to let her steal for 14 days before they caught her... And what was also stupid, they gave her a sentence that she couldn't go back to her hometown, and she was right when she said that some people stole millions and nobody saw it, and she stole about 50 euros and she was punished for it. She even asked for some room or a place to stay instead of the money... But I think she would have ended up in prison anyway... But somehow I feel like it's not just her fault.

It does definitely sound like one of those 'society failed this person' cases. She must have been assessed in prison I would have thought- for mental illness. Odd that they didn't seem to give her more support when she left each time. It seemed kind of obvious she would reoffend to get back in!

Like you say though- all that costs money. But then- I think sometimes they seem to prefer to just plough/ waste money into the established system, rather than try something new.

Yeah- I'd be lost without the internet now. I've never been much of a reader. I expect I'd be bored stiff. We do seem to create prison's for ourselves though. I've probably only left the house a few times this year- asides from taking the bins out.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Physical Prison is a worst hell

Imo everyone is in a mind prison

In physical prison they have even more control of me of and of a person. That's horrible

Also a million times more difficult to commit suicide in prison than when you have some physical freedom

Imo most people get beaten sexually abused bullied etc in prison by guards and other prisoners

More reasons

This life is hell in or out of prison

 

[Carryline]

Physical Prison is a worst hell

Imo everyone is in a mind prison

In physical prison they have even more control of me of and of a person. That's horrible

Also a million times more difficult to commit suicide in prison than when you have some physical freedom

Imo most people get beaten sexually abused bullied etc in prison by guards and other prisoners

More reasons

This life is hell in or out of prison

I still believe it is better to be in prison than homeless idk...

But I believe it is very difficult in prison, i am soo addicted to internet, I know that in some prison prisoners could go to the interntet to learn but it is not everywhere and it is not every sides, just the learning sides so maybe like wikipedia I know that in some prisons prisoners can go to skype to chat, but it is very restricted and the guards have to listen so... I just have seen that prison shortrn life I wish it to be true