Discussion Do you want to die because of life itself or your current situation?

[dogemn]

Life has its own inherent weight and suffering, separate from temporary situations. Are you thinking about dying because existence itself feels unbearable, or because of what's happening in your life at the moment?

 

[cowboypants]

Current situation, I wouldn't die if i had more resources at hand cue money. i really won't survive in a workplace setting, relationship is something I will have to figure out but i can handle that i feel with therapy, housing, gym. I would be able to take care of myself much better

 

[whatishope]

For me it's my life situation. I think life is absolutely 100% worth living, if your situation is good. For me, I have an area of my life that is just so fucked that I don't have much hope of fixing it. If there was a way to fix it, I would 100% do that instead of being here.

 

[tooBadTooLate]

Both, but especially leaning into the latter. Rant ahead.

Spoiler: Rant

I live in a rural part of the country, and since it's Thailand, it's a hundred times worse as you're pretty much closed off from everything but your neighbors, who could help but I don't want to burden them, and the news, which is nothing but a circus—nothing but murders, politics, and rubbish, while the actual problems seem to be ignored. I can't drive, either, so I have to rely on something like Uber here, which really cuts into my budget. That's the only public transport that I could get here, the rest is non-existent or is within the city itself. I don't leave near there. A few miles away from it and you're already out of the bus/songthaew lines. It really fucking sucks for when you have to get a job, too, as all of them are far away from where I live. I really wish my dad hadn't brought me up in this place—I don't give a damn whether the taxes are better here or that you already have a car; I don't, and he probably wouldn't help me and my current problems, anyway. I don't want to CtB, but it's becoming more and more like the only way out of this hell.

 

[niki wonoto]

I think it's both.

A friend of mine also from this online forum just ctb yesterday.. and when I just browsed around & look at one of his comment, I can relate with what he said: "situational become philosophical". In other words, my life's problems eventually led me to 'seek the truth' even a lot much more deeper, and discovered the darker existential & philosophical truths about life, reality, & existence (eg: nihilism, pessimism, antinatalism, efilism, promortalism, depressive realism, absurdism, cosmicism, etc2).

And just like that famous 'Matrix' quotes: once you swallow the red pill, you already 'wake up' to the truth/reality, and you can't go back again to being 'ignorant' (blue pill). You understand what this life (& existence) is truly/really all about. And there's no going back anymore to the 'old self', or the 'younger me', etc2. That's why there's a popular sayings: "Ignorance is bliss". Because it's sadly true (reality).

(That all said though, if only there's somehow a 'miracle' .. (which my jaded, bitter heart & mind already skeptic & think it's impossible, realistically.. ), that my life could somehow change to become better, & at least this 'one big/major thing' that i've been praying/wished supposedly does come true / become reality somehow,.. then idk, maybe i wouldn't become like this now.. )

 

[User111885]

my current situation

but it's not a situation I can change. i don't think life is always inherently awful for everyone, and i think if i had met someone nice, or hadn't met someone mean, and if i didn't have medical issues, and if a large part of my life hadn't been just pain and misery, then i wouldn't want death. but i don't see any way to change this, and only see more suffering in my future. i am here for now, but hope i ultimately die by suicide.

 

[Syriancel]

Because of my current situation. My life would have been significantly better had I been born in a first world country. My parents brought me to this world despite their being from a poor Muslim country with not many opportunities.

 

[dead dav]

Both first my mental health has ruined my life and I am sick of this increasing violent and unfair world

 

[FuneralCry]

Certainly because of existence itself, no matter what I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer in this dreadful, torturous and deeply undesirable existence I always saw as a mistake, simply just existing is enough to make me wish for death and as long as I exist I'll only hope for non-existence.

To me existence just feels like a mistake and I wish I never suffered more than anything, I find it the most terrible, dreadful tragedy how this existence was imposed causing all this harm and suffering as a result, I find it so terrifying how a human can suffer for so long in this dreadful, futile existence just to die in agony from old age with no limit as to how much they can be tortured.

 

[Kitsuné_]

Current situation. However as an antinatalist i dont want to get too old either, so i guess its a matter of when

 

[MissAbyss]

Both, my current situation drove me over the edge. I've had to rebuild my life from scratch many times. I've tried everything I could to make the best of it. I can already predict the future outcome pretty well, so I'm done with it.

 

[Feldsparc]

My situation. I was happy and leading a productive life, safe with ny family. I didn't know I had bpd. Got into a weed session with my husband's nephew and we got into an affair. He's only half my age but it was a toxic dynamic. I lost my family, my respect, my job, identity...sanity. nothing remains. 3 years ago I was successful and happy. I can hardly believe what my life has turned out to be

 

[Bishop]

Honestly I'm not sure. I'd like to say both because I felt at one time I was happy. Though it's been so long.

 

[tiredofthis12]

I would say life. My circumstances change and my reason for not wanting to be here are always constant. I am tired of this and tired of putting in so much effort knowing that there will always be ups and downs.

 

[logar]

Existance is definitely a heavy burden for me. I'm unable to gather the energy to get up to do literally anything that I'm expected to, and I despise life and myself for it so, so much. But I do also feel like my current situation is really the pushing factor as to why I want to CTB. I'm genuinely unable to see any other path for myselfin life, and the longer I stay in this most likely inescapable situation, the more I have to endure the constant terrible suffering... and it really fucks me over man.

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

I am simply done. I'm tired. tired of this life. ready to leave it all behind as I have already done what I'm supposed to do.

 

[no mas]

20%/80%...ones reality is formed in now, what's really reality anyway other than ones perception. Perception is the way we look at and interpret things such thoughts, ideas, beliefs, people, places, things. Recency bias carries a lot of weight. If one stub a toe it 'really' hurts, if one then breaks a leg that toe pain is practically imperceptable, and were one to go brain dead nothing through conciousness can be absorbed therefore its unpercieved, as in unconciousness nothing in this realm we here consider real may even matter. Life here today is geared towards the contribution of ones time and effort into obtaining enough knowledge and skill to then pay ones way through their existence. However the society feeds on touting obsession for more and more power, money, status, and appearance leading unbridled greed, dominance, and endless jealousy that's infested itself in a culture and wont let go. Just look at the current POTUS... a narcissistic egomaniac, megalomaniac, who's alienating mocking, condescending, name calling, never wrong, never enough, greed ridden making side deals, under the table, back room, double deals and steals. Praises killings, is a double talker, insincere bigot. Heck, Grab a pussy here, rape in a dressing room there, cheat on wife, lie, lie, lie, etc. etc...and yet people just love the guy. Why go on, if this shit show continues and is looked up upon as good and just? Without radical changes in general perception there won't be enough contentment for the marginalized amongst us struggling to make sense of it all and a contibution to society in our brief existance to want to live out a normal expected average lifespan of 73-79 years of age. Why wait, what gives?

 

[Spite]

Both, to varying degrees, though I'd say mostly because of life itself. Life is inherently flawed, unfair, random and chaotic, and I hate it.