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Every second of living hurts lately....and I'm back at home currently and still depressed and it doesn't help that my dad has anger issues. His anger issues increase when I'm depressed cause I show less emotion and that annoys him. So living is even more unbearable then it was before....It's hard lasting a second awake.
Have you ever lost a loved one and if so how long did it take to "get over it" or for things to feel more normal.
Personally I lost my mother when I was 14 and for the first year I was seemingly alright, but it just hadn't registered yet. After the first year, and to this day, the thought of my mother's death haunts me. It's been the main cause of my depression for the past 6 years. I hate myself for not having treated her better while she was alive, and for my becoming a person she wouldn't love, that she would hate me for being.
Ah right I'm sorry to hear your dad has anger issues, you're safe tho right? He's not violent or anything? I dunno maybe have a heart to heart with him and tell him you're struggling right now with depression but you can't help it-do you think he'd be receptive to that? I hope you can figure something out with him.
I'm sorry for your loss-I have similar feelings although I lost a parent when I was in my 20s, the guilt is terrible and also ended up making me very depressed to the point I threw the rest of my 20s away. Stayed inside, distanced from my friends, never went after any opportunities. I don't advise it though! When a parent dies you suddenly see everything you did and said in a new light and there can be a lot of guilt because there is no chance to fix it. I'll bet you are being hard on yourself about a lot of things though, you were only a teenager, every teen gives their parents grief! I think parents just want you to be happy and get the most out of life, she would be sad if you weren't doing that but she would absolutely still love you and not hate you. You've been through something hugely traumatic so you really should not be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you're doing the best you can.
Well, I think the answer to that question is pretty clear.
he already know I'm suicidal and he cursed at me and called me selfish when he found out I cut myself and refused to get me therapy (I was in highschool) he used to be physical but not to a huge extent. Like I don't hate my dad he just has a hard time with emotions and dealing with anything....he's never apologized to me once in my life even when he was in the wrong...he's proud...too proud.
That's not why I'm still here. I'm already dead to anyone who should or would care.
It's always going to be someone's birthday, someone else's special day..but if you can avoid immediate family birthdays, probably better to, if not for their sake, then for the sake of your own memory.
i understand. I am sorry to know that you are/have been going through so much.... people suck.
