Discussion Do you think there's such a thing as a 'natural' loner?

[Forever Sleep]

Seeing as we're supposed to be social animals, do you think you can be a 'natural' loner?

I'd say I probably was one. I can be alone for literally years and not really feel lonely much. I'm not entirely sure why.

I'm biologically an only child and, both my parents were too. Maybe that's one reason. My upbringing was fairly solitary but happy too. Plus, I probably have equally as many unpleasant social experiences as positive ones. So- the negative memories tend to create social anxiety.

What are your feelings? Do you suppose some of it is genetics? Extroverted, outgoing behaviour vs. introverted? I remember talking to someone once saying- you can tell which you are by considering how you recharge your batteries as it were. Do you need time alone to do that or, do you need to be with others?

What do you think? Which are you?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yes, if you are autistic the inherent tendency is towards introversion and solitude. And schizoid type people belong to the very tiny minority of people who truly don't make much of a need for relationships.

 

[Little_Suzy]

No, I believe true loners are very rare. Even people with intellectual or psychiatric disabilities experience loneliness and seek company.

Joining a chat forum allows you to engage in stimulating conversations with people from all over the world.

A person with 6,700+ comments on SaSu is not an introvert, even if they prefer to stay at home or experience difficulties making friends.

 

[rozeske]

I think nature on it's own plays a role on being an introvert. I also believe upbringings play a role to make you social or make you be more socially anxious. I have always been an introvert, love and crave my alone time. I pushed my self more out of my comfort zone and been a bit more social after my uni years but it just is too exhausting for me. They almost always endup being disappointing and pointless.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No, I believe true loners are very rare. Even people with intellectual or psychiatric disabilities experience loneliness and seek company.

Joining a chat forum allows you to engage in stimulating conversations with people from all over the world.

A person with 6,700+ comments on SaSu is not an introvert, even if they prefer to stay at home or experience difficulties making friends.

Fair point.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Yeah, I think one can be a natural loner. In fact, i think we are loners by default, its just that our environment forces us into interaction with different individuals at an early age. Family, school, etc... Even when you grow old and enter the workforce, the emphasis is on group rather than individual merits.
There's very limited data in terms of studies done on the subject(that is available and easily accessible),instead, studies about how people are social creatures are much more prolific. Case in point would be the quote "no man is an island". A lot of people can readily remember that quote, but not a lot of quotes abound about the virtues of being alone.
Personally, I think it comes down to if you're okay with yourself. Being with people removes the need of one to focus their attention inward instead of outward.
Personally, i think i'm a natural loner, based on years of living the corporate life. One has to develop masks which make interacting tolerable, at least for 9/8 working hours per day. Anything other than that though, good luck getting a hold of me if we work together.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah, that's me. I've always called myself a solitary animal, not a social one. I've always been introverted and preferred to be alone. One of my life-long dreams was and is to be far away from society and people, where I can truly be alone. I was forced to be around people 24/7 because of school and I think that it was pretty annoying and draining to me, I hated having to interact with people all the time. I guess that's why they called me "quiet": because I didn't want or need to talk to them. I recharge my batteries by being alone.

I'm not an only child though and my parents aren't only children either. However, I do have neurodivergences (such as ASD) and social anxiety, and I think that I'm possibly schizoid. I've been a hiki (which is my comfort zone and default mode) after college, and I enjoy not having to talk to or interact with anyone. Online interaction (like this forum) is fine, I just really hate talking to and interacting with people in person.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think there are but they're rare

 

[F@#$]

I'm almost always alone. I live alone in a farm house miles from anyone. I work by myself have no friends or visitors. Fuck it, it doesn't bother me much. I hate people anyway.

 

[cold_severance]

probably. never saw one or heard of one though. you have to hack your brain or something to abslove yourself of consequences of loneliness.

 

[leloyon]

It depends on what you really consider a "loner". Does someone have to shun all social interaction to be considered a loner? What if someone only talks to, say, their parents, and no one else? What if they're in a relationship and they just sit in their house all day and solely interact with their partner?
I think that everyone requires different degrees of social interaction, some people require less than others. And I think some people may genuinely not want to interact with anyone at all, though they are a very small minority.

 

[sserafim]

probably. never saw one or heard of one though. you have to hack your brain or something to abslove yourself of consequences of loneliness.

What if someone enjoys being alone?

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I've been alone my entire life and feel nothing towards relationships, i don't understand love or companionship, even family ties.

I fake in person friendship in an attempt to make my life easier or to gain something.
I hate small talk and stay silent most days however i do make an attempt for the above reason, i'd like to think that i have the situational intelligence to blend in.

Plenty people would say positive things about me but i have no feelings towards them at all, not nefarious just nothing.
Animals get most affection from me but i still don't feel anything, it's because they don't speak and i'm not expected to sit and have small talk with them, naturally that puts them on a higher level to me.

Extroverts get put lower and i actively avoid them, until i cannot.

I do believe in natural loners, i'm one rofl.

 

[InversedShadow]

I believe these exist, some people just cope better with loneliness than the others and dont have that much of a need for socializing with others nor any need for pursuing relationships until they somehow get into one, surely those cant be extroverts too, and will interact with others if they think its neccesary

 

[Argo]

Definitely. There was this story I recently read about a Spanish lady who always preferred to be alone, in the mountains. She eventually decided to break the record for longest time spent in a cave without human contact. She did 500 days. Of course whole teams were required to make this work. I think some details were that she could communicate outside, but no one could ever reach her. And so if she was ever injured and couldn't make it to the communication setup, she would die. The quotes of her in the article I read(Which I can't find anymore, it was longer/more detailed than the articles you'll find from major media websites if you look this story up), made her seem like a hardcore isolationist type of person who loves solitude.

As for which I think I am, I'm not sure if I'm a loner by preference or if it's forced on me by the nature of the world. Sometimes I really want human connection, other times I avoid it. Some sort of bipolar desire there. I just sort of go with the flow at this point.

 

[cold_severance]

What if someone enjoys being alone?

like with entertainment, so movies, games, hobbies? you still need other people for fulfillment, its just wired into your brain. you may be content with being alone, but its still not a full human experience. btw by alone i mean like stranded on a deserted island without any communication with others even online. otherwise its fine if theres less human contact than usual, but still some present.

 

[Shrike]

Depends on how you define it.

COVID lockdowns appeared to have hit a lot of people really damn hard. I had probably my calmest time ever during lockdowns.

I've read many people lament the uselessness of online interactions. I can't relate.

There's some kind of difference there, I don't know what it is. But most comments about people needing people are really meant for the normal person, people like me are not in the conversation to begin with.

Being fully solo is pretty hard to simulate. I've been told many times about cabin fever.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Depends on how you define it.

COVID lockdowns appeared to have hit a lot of people really damn hard. I had probably my calmest time ever during lockdowns.

I've read many people lament the uselessness of online interactions. I can't relate.

There's some kind of difference there, I don't know what it is. But most comments about people needing people are really meant for the normal person, people like me are not in the conversation to begin with.

Being fully solo is pretty hard to simulate. I've been told many times about cabin fever.

Very true. There are varying extents of isolation certainly. I think I probably would actually go nuts if I didn't have social interaction at all.

 

[Final_Choice]

I was diagnosed as autistic nonverbal in my very early childhood, grew out of it to an extent but I still don't talk much, just don't see any reason to talk if there's not some reason or goal that I'd get out of it. I also always tried to be a spectator to everything and not interact in any way with anyone/anything, that could have influenced me to just be a loner now.

 

[sserafim]

I also always tried to be a spectator to everything and not interact in any way with anyone/anything, that could have influenced me to just be a loner now.

Same, I'm on the spectrum as well and I've always felt more like an observer than a participant in life. I hate having to actually interact with people and life itself.