Do you think theres a way to make family/friends suffer less?

[Drygore]

Thats whats holding me back right now, every other day is suffering and i can't keep living for others. I want to explain to them that this is not their fault, i dont think it would help tho.

Do you have any ideas?

 

[Return2Dust]

Thats whats holding me back right now, every other day is suffering and i can't keep living for others. I want to explain to them that this is not their fault, i dont think it would help tho.

Do you have any ideas?

I'm experiencing the same thing right now. I don't even think my notes will help.

 

[issyishere]

I don't think anything can, it's one of the things that keep me up at night.

 

[readytogonow]

I think about this a lot and it makes me very sad. I can only imagine how much guilt my friends will feel when I actually do it.

 

[Stan]

To be honest, if you are in a family that loves you, then the answer is no. Sorry to be blunt but there is no point denying it.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Not saying they won't feel deep grief & guilt too even but sometimes you do read those cases of people -siblings, friends etc, that are in some kind of way 'inspired' by the loss of someone - whether by ctb or other cause - like it makes them want to go out & 'live life' to the fullest - it makes them contemplate their own life and mortality & drives them to go and achieve all that they want to do and appreciate every moment or sometimes follow a cause / pursuit in that persons honour- like as an example I read of a girl who passed from anorexia & her sister decided to study psychology in order to try and understand it better - to work in that field and help others. Her father & brothers also went on to achieve as much as they could- to be able to appreciate the time they themselves have on this planet. Not saying this will always be the case- but it's just one angle.

 

[Chalken]

I'm in the same predicament. My family seems to care about me and I try to live for them, but I don't know for how much longer I can keep this up. I feel so awful thinking how they would react and it makes me feel so guilty.

 

[Hel]

That's my problem. My family and friends will feel guilty and angry at me for being coward, but manly guilty. I know that a note expaining that it wasn't their fault and that they couldn't hae done anything wouldn't help at all. Also, there is one person who is the reason for being like this, my friends will figure out and...
So my only way is not letting them now that it was a suicide, this is why I'm not finding the perfect method. There's nothing peaceful (and cheap or almost free, i'm broke now) and that seems like a natural death. I need to find a way and it is impossible. I'm trapped here forever.

 

[falconeyes]

Thats whats holding me back right now, every other day is suffering and i can't keep living for others. I want to explain to them that this is not their fault, i dont think it would help tho.

Do you have any ideas?

I'm in the same boat, unfortunately in all cases they will be devastated.

 

[Nem]

Once a person is dead, they won't worry about upsetting people I'm quite certain about this
Peace/hugs

 

[CrushedHopes]

Knowing that my death will break my mom isn't going to deter me from ending myself. I'm not staying alive just for her sake. This is MY life. And I ruined it. That's all there is to it, plain and simple. I'm 22 and I can make this decision for myself. I also don't have my VA friends anymore. They all turned their backs on me. I'm sure news of my death will eventually reach them.

I've never felt..... so fucking lonely and pathetic. Goddammit it all!!!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Nothing will make it easier for them I'm afraid. It will change them forever. There's no way around this.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Nothing will make it easier for them I'm afraid. It will change them forever. There's no way around this.

But people do move on...grief is a form of trama which time does help heal...of course it will be incredibly painful and yes they may always carry an element of that grief with them...but at the end of the day...life goes on (for them atleast)...and also think about the fact that so so many people have to deal with grief through accidents or illness...so in that sense I would say the main focus would be to try and alleviate the guilt factor- as this is the main concern with suicide-that they wish there was something they could have done...so this could be the focal point of any suicide note aimed at family/ friends. Just to really highlight that it was not their fault (if it wasnt) and that you want to be free of suffering/pain etc. That might give them even slight peace of mind.

 

[Nem]

I suppose if you took them out with you, then it would ease their suffering...not recommended though
Peace/hugs

 

[BlueWidow]

You know, I was thinking about this. In my situation, people are telling me I need to get over my husband's passing. . . get over the grief and move on with my life.
Therefore, it seems to me that these people can now take their own advice.
They can get over grieving my death and move on with their lives. . . And if they choose not to do that, then the advice they gave me was obviously hypocritical. Opinions?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You know, I was thinking about this. In my situation, people are telling me I need to get over my husband's passing. . . get over the grief and move on with my life.
Therefore, it seems to me that these people can now take their own advice.
They can get over grieving my death and move on with their lives. . . And if they choose not to do that, then the advice they gave me was obviously hypocritical. Opinions?

It's a fair point. However death by suicide tends to be far more devastating than natural death. Death in any form is hard to deal with but suicide tends to be tougher on survivors because they can't understand.

 

[CrushedHopes]

You know, I was thinking about this. In my situation, people are telling me I need to get over my husband's passing. . . get over the grief and move on with my life.
Therefore, it seems to me that these people can now take their own advice.
They can get over grieving my death and move on with their lives. . . And if they choose not to do that, then the advice they gave me was obviously hypocritical. Opinions?

What the hell kind of "advice" is that?! The pain of losing a loved one is immeasurable.

 

[BlueWidow]

It's a fair point. However death by suicide tends to be far more devastating than natural death. Death in any form is hard to deal with but suicide tends to be tougher on survivors because they can't understand.

That's very true. I have to admit though I sort of like the idea of other people giving them the same condescending advice that I've been getting about how to get over the loss of someone you care about. I've gotten so much condescending and stupid advice since my husband died. People have said such cruel and insensitive things to me.
I kind of like the idea of those same people having to have the same cruel and insensitive things said to them.

 

[noctiva]

I've made a list with resources for those I leave behind. Links to websites of families with suicides, some psychology support websites that try to explain why suicide and how people encountering suicide can work through their grief. Plus then numbers of where to specifically get help here in the city.
The absolute kicker is: No one will mourn me, I am all alone anyway, and to be fair, (take this with a grain of salt, I am very angry today) if those I leave behind had given a fuck about me in life, I wouldn't CTB to begin with.

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

The only reason I am alive is because of my wife and 2 daughters

 

[MeltingHeart]

I've made a list with resources for those I leave behind. Links to websites of families with suicides, some psychology support websites that try to explain why suicide and and how people encountering suicide can work through their grief. Plus then numbers of where to specifically get help here in the city.
The absolute kicker is: No one will mourn me, I am all alone anyway, and to be fair, (take this with a grain of salt, I am very angry today) if those I leave behind had given a fuck about me in life, I wouldn't CTB to begin with.

That last bit- Same!!

 

[not4us]

Do you have any ideas?

Same problem here!

Though I managed to get rid of almost all friends. The thing is, when you just stop giving them your attention, refuse to go out, don't pick up the phone when they call etc, they forget about you peacefully, I've done that.

Why almost all friends: because I can't afford renting apartment alone so I had to make new friends, but they won't suffer when I ctb, I made sure they knew my philosophy so my ctb won't surprise them. Sometimes I even feel that I put too much effort in explaining to them why life is horrible in general, I might have made them a bit suicidal too

Big problem for me are parents. Naturally they (in most cases) don't give up on you no matter what you do. Nevertheless I make progress with them to. I haven't visited them for 4 years now, I never call first, picking up the phone 50/50 when they call and don't talk long (when I don't pick up I text them that I'm ok, but a bit busy). With time they called less and less, now it's about a 10min talk once in a month, and I can see how the bond between us is loosing.

Also I think suicide note can make a big difference. Try to put your best arguments in it, so they may understand you. And don't forget to say that it's not their fault (even if it is), that's important .

Also I have a gf to break up with (peacefully), but that's another big problem, and it's not in your question, so I won't elaborate on that.

 

[TowerUpright]

It is holding me back a little bit. But, I realize in the end, I'll never know what happened. And, one thing I've learned is that I'm responsible for my actions, but I'm not responsible for anyone else's actions. It's a bit selfish, I personally don't have a problem with that.

I like that idea of including post-suicide mental help resources in a note. Not sure I'm writing one, but if I do, I'll be including that as well.

 

[trynacbt]

Notes, I think. Encouragement for them to seek help. And as far as I've seen in my own family after the loss of my mother, it really helps to have faith in something.

 

[I'm exhausted]

If they truly loved you they would understand your pain and let you go. Time will heal but you're the one living with the pain. Is it humane? No. It's also selfish for them to keep you around if they can't provide you with usable solution to get better. I've told people, after saying it's not hard to me, to live as me and then tell me that it's not hard. And they know what I've been through.

 

[Reyki6667]

Make them hate you, going off contact for several month /year, then die... '

 

[TAW122]

It's really difficult and since you can't directly control how others will react, feel, think, etc., the best one can do is to leave a note explaining why and wishing them well. Also, if you have property and/or other assets, maybe leaving some (through an directive or living will of some kind), would ease the pain a bit. Besides that, there isn't much more you can do and also whatever happens after death is irrelevant since you would not be there to experience it (positive/negative reactions).

 

[Helix]

I think making it look accidental would some. Hard to do.

 

[Hel]

Make them hate you, going off contact for several month /year, then die... '

I'm trying to do that but it's complicated: I'm out of home now but in a few weeks I'll hae to go back there and stay. And I deoend on them financially. Also, I barely cntact them and they're being cold and distance, I know they're mad at me and when I got back home I'll have big problems (or even before). Is not my reason to die, if the miracle I need happened, I could fight that perfectly, but since it won't happen, this is another reason to ctb asap and never come back there.
But there are people in my family which will suffer a lot and love me, no matter what (the others too but they are very severe and judgamental) and I don't want to hurt them.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

To be honest, if you are in a family that loves you, then the answer is no. Sorry to be blunt but there is no point denying it.

I'm of this opinion to be honest. I really don't think there is anything you could do to lessen the blow emotionally. However if you're able to leave any money or valuables behind it could lessen their financial burdens. Money can still never replace you though.