Do you think its because of chemicals in your Brain or life has just been shit?

[Sinkinshyp]

in my case I believe both are a factor. Life has dealt me a really bad hand.. I've always been depressed and anxiety. Being a mom though- I felt so much love, happiness and pride that the depression was not affecting me so much. Always anxiety always worry, when my son died the depression totally took over again
I try meds because I do think they can help.. while I am very depressed I think it would be worse without my meds

 

[cisooyamano]

For me, it's probably a hormonal imbalance (low estrogen = low serotonin) mixed with lack of sunlight.

 

[Gnip]

I wasn't that screwed up before entering first grade exposed me to bullying teachers and principals, although my elementary school principal father was stupid enough to try using reverse psychology on me when I was a toddler. (He had also served in the USMC. That's fine, but entrants into the Marines should be sterilized after finishing boot camp so they can't have children of their own to abuse like that.)

Give me blue collar parents who would have raised me naturally instead of schoolteacher parent apologists and enablers of the public "education" system, then home school me instead of subjecting me to public school bullshit, then I never would have had my developing brain and self image subjected to amphetamines and negative stereotyping from others starting at age seven. (ALL the home schooled people I have ever known who were never poisoned by exposure to the toxin of school, away from peer pressure, are extremely happy and fulfilled in life. School should be abolished.)

Take away the life destroying poison of school and parents who were teachers, then the one innate problem which remains is severe congenital obstructive sleep apnea.

For me not to aspire to CTB, I would need to completely reboot my life so that it is as if I have never attended any schools ever.

Chemicals in my brain are an issue, but only because of what began happening to me in first grade. If I'd never gone to school, never had my life poisoned by exposure to obnoxious and stupid brats my own age, or bullying teachers and principals, then chronic problems with sleep might have been my only issue growing up.

 

[netrezven]

Chemicals-1200%

 

[_Kaira_]

A mix of both. Abusive family stunted and damaged my emotional growth, which led to further issues down the line with mental illnesses developing. Which further caused school difficulty and trouble making/keeping friends. Hard time changing a lifetime of the only way I know how to live, which causes continuous and worsening unstable relationship problems.

A barely functioning, barely existing adult. I honestly can say I have tried to break my cycle of avoidance and pain. Still trying. Been for a long time now.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

(and yes, stopping anyone who feels the need to tell me "well have you tried x, y z..." yes...yes I have. That is the insanity I'm mentioning :) )

 

[Gnip]

A mix of both. Abusive family stunted and damaged my emotional growth, which led to further issues down the line with mental illnesses developing. Which further caused school difficulty and trouble making/keeping friends. Hard time changing a lifetime of the only way I know how to live, which causes continuous and worsening unstable relationship problems.

A barely functioning, barely existing adult. I honestly can say I have tried to break my cycle of avoidance and pain. Still trying. Been for a long time now.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

(and yes, stopping anyone who feels the need to tell me "well have you tried x, y z..." yes...yes I have. That is the insanity I'm mentioning :) )

Most of us who are here (except for maybe a few dirtbag prolife infiltrators) understand completely. (Welcome aboard the SS SS! No lifeboats required!)

Ultimately, there is still only so much which can be done for mental health at this extremely primitive stage in time. I've pretty much run the full gamut of treatment options, so many that there's an extremely strong likelihood that the few alternatives i haven't tried (deep brain stimulation, biofeedback, clinical hypnosis, monoamine oxidase inhibitors) would likewise only fail.

Prevention really is the best cure in most cases. Evade damage, minimize damage or repair damage ASAP.

Moderate daily exercise for two years made me worse. Talk therapy forced on me when I was in my mid teens worsened me with psychoquackery induced iatrogenesis. I have failed on seven of the eight classes of antidepressant medications. ECT failed as well as CBT. I more than qualify for psychiatrist administered euthanasia in every nation where that form of mercy killing is practiced.

Gary Craig's EFT and Francine Shapiro's EMDR tapping techniques have been praised by a number of posters here. Well guess what? I have letters from BOTH, telling me that they personally would not be able to help me. I also have an hour and a half of audiocassette recordings of Roger Callahan, the creator of TFT and history's most experienced mental health professional falling flat on his face in trying to treat me in November 1996. Tony Robbins couldn't personally do a damned thing for me. Neither could Albert Ellis, the creator of Rational Emotive Therapy.

Right when my response to my first experience with Prozac was peaking in early 1997, I purchased and read, "Listening to Prozac," by Peter Kramer, and he nailed the ideal reaction to Prozac perfectly, but then it stopped working for me after several months. Kramer had oversold the benefits of Prozac. What good is an antidepressant if it doesn't work indefinitely?

It's not that I'm not uncooperative, it's that mental health is still far too primitive in 2020 to help many cases of distress, and that's why euthanasia for psychological and psychiatric disturbances was enacted in Canada in 2017, and will soon be legalized in the United States. If pro lifers want to stop that, then they should shut the fuck up and permanently CURE these problems, or PREVENT them from happening in the first place! Sanctioned Suicide exists because they all SUCK (while Sanctioned Suicide fills a very desperate need those do gooder shithead interventionists have all FAILED to meet).


BTW, any brain dead fuckwit who mindlessly parrots the tired old ignorant asshat mantra, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" needs to be slapped across the room with a brass knuckle covered hand.


When I CTB, I'll probably live stream it to the heroes at LiveLeak and BestGore while wearing a tee shirt which says, FUCK ALL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINES! 1-800-FAQYOU!

 

[_Kaira_]

Most of us who are here (except for maybe a few dirtbag prolife infiltrators) understand completely. (Welcome aboard the SS SS! No lifeboats required!)

Ultimately, there is still only so much which can be done for mental health at this extremely primitive stage in time. I've pretty much run the full gamut of treatment options, so many that there's an extremely strong likelihood that the few alternatives i haven't tried (deep brain stimulation, biofeedback, clinical hypnosis, monoamine oxidase inhibitors) would likewise only fail.

Prevention really is the best cure in most cases. Evade damage, minimize damage or repair damage ASAP.

Moderate daily exercise for two years made me worse. Talk therapy forced on me when I was in my mid teens worsened me with psychoquackery induced iatrogenesis. I have failed on seven of the eight classes of antidepressant medications. ECT failed as well as CBT. I more than qualify for psychiatrist administered euthanasia in every nation where that form of mercy killing is practiced.

Gary Craig's EFT and Francine Shapiro's EMDR tapping techniques have been praised by a number of posters here. Well guess what? I have letters from BOTH, telling me that they personally would not be able to help me. I also have an hour and a half of audiocassette recordings of Roger Callahan, the creator of TFT and history's most experienced mental health professional falling flat on his face in trying to treat me in November 1996. Tony Robbins couldn't personally do a damned thing for me. Neither could Albert Ellis, the creator of Rational Emotive Therapy.

Right when my response to my first experience with Prozac was peaking in early 1997, I purchased and read, "Listening to Prozac," by Peter Kramer, and he nailed the ideal reaction to Prozac perfectly, but then it stopped working for me after several months. Kramer had oversold the benefits of Prozac. What good is an antidepressant if it doesn't work indefinitely?

It's not that I'm not uncooperative, it's that mental health is still far too primitive in 2020 to help many cases of distress, and that's why euthanasia for psychological and psychiatric disturbances was enacted in Canada in 2017, and will soon be legalized in the United States. If pro lifers want to stop that, then they should shut the fuck up and permanently CURE these problems, or PREVENT them from happening in the first place! Sanctioned Suicide exists because they all SUCK (while Sanctioned Suicide fills a very desperate need those do gooder shithead interventionists have all FAILED to meet).


BTW, any brain dead fuckwit who mindlessly parrots the tired old ignorant asshat mantra, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" needs to be slapped across the room with a brass knuckle covered hand.


When I CTB, I'll probably live stream it to the heroes at LiveLeak and BestGore while wearing a tee shirt which says, FUCK ALL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINES! 1-800-FAQYOU!

Most people tell me that I'm the cause of my own issues now. I question my own sanity if I really am mentally ill or just making excuses to not really live. I can't even explain well on how I feel. I can list my diagnosis over and over again, but honestly, it's just so hard to slap a label on something that barely makes sense as it is. Even now I barely comprehend on wtf I'm talking about. But from personal experience, those I live with are really starting to think I'm "riding the wave" and faking it....hah. Ok. Or the quote "everyone is depressed." Like sure, if we're including the mild sads among those who have the rope around their necks already.....

I'm told that I brought my problems to others, and that if I died today I would just be passing how I feel to others. I can't even rant about that anymore. I'm so tired of trying to have others open their eyes past the stigmas that I've just accepted the truth. You're right, even in 2020, we haven't progressed to the point that people understand chemicals and 'talking our feels' isn't the most effective strategy for everyone.

"If you got a job, you'd be happier. Atleast you'd be surviving." Nothing triggers me more than that. Like seriously, I'm not dumb. I understand work is essential in today's age. That's not my issue. "You don't know if you don't try." Ok dude. Therapy barely does anything long term, the meds don't work. And because I'm good at faking my depression levels (I appear calmer, etc) over ZOOM meetings it's just that I'm not trying hard enough to be all happy-happy. Okkkkkkk.


I'm more upset at myself that I havn't gotten numb to this problem yet, and I keep letting it emotionally devastate me over and over again.

 

[Deleted member 94]

A doctor wrote Dopamine=Pleasure, Serotonin=Happiness

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

None of both. Neither "chemical 'imbalance' in the brain" nor "life has been 'shit'". My life has never been/isn't "shit" (or whatever that means lol) nor any other "bad"/"negative" 'way'/'type of life'.

It's not because of any of those nor because of any other thing in general at all. I have a 'good'/'great' 'life' (I put it between ' because i couldnt give any less of a fuck how the fuck 'my life'/whoever's life'/'life' in general is lol i don't give a shit if its "good" or if it's "bad" or if it's "happy" or "sad" of if it's "meaningful" or "meaningless" or if it's "successful" or """pathetic""" or whatever other 'type of life'/'way' lol) and I don't give not even a single fcking sht lol i just dont want to have nor live any life at all of any fucking 'type'/'way'/'kind' or whatever the fuck that is. I simply literally just don't care about 'life' in general no matter what way it is no matter what it is about no matter what 'settled'/'installed'/'inserted'/'added'/'established' "ideas"/"norms"/"rules"/"concepts" etcetc there are, no matter how it works no matter what there is/there can be, no matter what it has/it can have, no matter what happens/what can happen neither how what happens is/happen etc. I. JUST. DONT. CARE. ABOUT. 'LIFE'. IN. GENERAL. NO. MATTER. HOW. IT. IS. LIVED. AND. OR. CAN. BE. 'LIVED'. AND. 'EXPERIENCED'. AND. 'DONE'. OR. WHATEVER. I DONT SAY "I DONT WANT TO LIVE A PARTICULAR 'TYPE OF LIFE'/'WAY OF LIFE'" NO. I DON'T SAY """I DONT WANT TO LIVE LIFE IF IT'S 'THIS WAY'/'LIKE THIS'/'IF MY LIFE IS "BAD", "PAINFUL", "BORING", "MEANINGLESS", "EMPTY", "USELESS", "POINTLESS" (or whatever the fuck that means lmao i don't give a shit and it doesn't ""affect"" 'me' nor """worry""" 'me' at all. I couldn't give any less of a fuck about the 'meaning' of those 'words' and couldn't care less if it's """"negative"""" or whatever tf "negative" means. I don't want to 'have'/'be'/'do' anything """positive""" lmao.) OR WHATEVER OTHER """"""NEGATIVE""""" 'WAY'/'TYPE' OF 'LIFE', NO. I DON'T SAY IT BECAUSE OF ANY OF THOSE 'REASONS' NOR LITERALLY ANY OTHER 'REASON' AT ALL IN GENERAL. THERE'S/THERE ARE LITERALLY NO 'REASON'/'REASONS'. IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF A 'REASON'. NO. JUST NO. Why there has to be a 'reason'? Just reflect on that or whatever tf "reflect" means, that theres literally NOTHING wrong with SIMPLY JUST NOT WANTING TO 'LIVE'/'DO'/'EXPERIENCE'///NOT GIVING A DAMN SHIT ABOUT////NOT HAVING ANY "INTEREST" (AND NEVER WILL) ABOUT/IN/FOR 'LIFE'/'HUMAN LIFE'/'LIVING'/'THE WORLD'/'PLANET EARTH' IN GENERAL NO MATTER WHAT/HOW TF IT IS and without any 'reason' AT ALL. Just like everyone/all 'people' agrees that it's 'fine' and the 'normal thing' to want to live life/be interested in it/care about it/the world/planet earth, things in general blah blah uNleSs iTs 'bAd'/unLeSs i hAvE a 'rEaSoN' tO 'nOt wAnT'/uNlEsS sOmEtHinG 'bAd' hApPeNs/uNlEsS iM 'dEpReSsEd' aNd oR 'aNxIoUs' aNd Or 'ApAtHeTiC' aNd oR aNy oThEr 'mEntAl iLlnEsS'/'mEntAl hEAltH iSsUe'/UnLeSs mY lIfE iS 'bAd' aNd 'painFuL' aNd 'mEaNinglEsS' aNd Or 'bOrInG'' blaaaah blah blah whatever other 'reasons' 'people' have to 'not want to live life', it SHOULD also be fine and the normal thing to JUST NOT WANT TO LIVE/EXPERIENCE/DO/EXPLORE/DISCOVER 'LIFE' (NOR LITERALLY ANY OTHER THING) NOR 'THE WORLD'/'PLANET EARTH' NOR LITERALLY ANY OTHER THING AT ALL NO MATTER WHAT/HOW IT IS.

I have 'everything', I 'have it all', and? Do i have to care? lol. And it's so fcking annoying when 'people' say sht like "yOuRe sO YoUnG yOu hAvE a wHoLe lIfE aHeAd oF yoU" and other crap like that lmao. As if i gave a fucking shit if 'I' have a 'wHoLe lIfE aHeAd of Me' or whatever tf that means lol ok I guess? I don't give not even a single fcking sht lol. I dont want to have/live/do any 'life' of absolutely any type/kind/way and that's it and not just because 'humans'/'people' say so and feel like it means I have to/have to want to yes or yes uNlEsS tHeReS a reAsOn wHy, ffs why cant I just not want to and thats fcking it. I don't want to do any fcking type of thing 'in'/'with' 'my life'/'life' in general nor literally any other thing at all in general whatever/however it is. I don't want to have any fucking type of "future" or whatever tf "future" means nor any single 'type of life', for fuck's sake why tf do 'I' have to? Damn this is really a fcking obligation/obligatory prison. I'll seriously never fucking understand. Why can't I just not want absolutely anything nor 'be' anyone at all/any single fcking thing, nor 'be'/'behave'/'act' any fcking way. Why can't I just not give a damn fcking sht (and not want to give a sht lmao why do i have to ffs WHY. W H Y. why is this obligatory? why is this a forced thing? I didn't ask to 'be' 'born'/'exist'/'be brought' anywhere at all for fuck's sake, it wasn't my decision, it was the decision of two "human bodies" who decided to 'reproduce'/'create' another 'human body' and 'bring' 'it' to a 'planet'/'place' apparently called/'known as' 'the Earth' and 'the world' and a 'thing' that 'exists' in this 'place'/'planet' called 'life'/'human life' or whatever the tf its made-up 'name' is. 'i' 'am' an 'I', 'i' 'exist' and 'Im' 'something'/'someone'/a 'person' against my will Why tf do 'I' have to be "interested" As if i gave a fcking shit what "age" 'I' 'am' lol I don't want to be any fcking 'age' nor 'gender' nor have any 'name' nor any 'voice' nor any other fcking type of thing for fcks sake I JUST DONT!!!!! And there's no goddamned 'reason' behind for fcks sake!!!!


Nothing "bad" has ever happened to 'me'/'in my life', literally NEVER. All that has happened and happen are 'good things' (as if i gave a fcking shit lmfao ok I guess? Lol why the fuck do "I" have to want /care about/'be grateful'/be "interested" and or "curious" and or "excited" etc/'like' and want to 'like' [its NOT that i "hate"/"dislike" 'something'/'things' aNd tHatS wHy i dOnT cArE aBouT aNythIng/tHaTs wHy i dOnT LiKe aNytHing [its not that i 'dont like' anything, i just don't fcking care. I dont want to 'like' anything whatever/however the fck it is, the fcking question is WHY DO 'I' HAVE TO?????? 'Im' 'loved' and 'wanted' and I couldnt care any less. and they even offer to 'buy' 'me' a 'keyboard' or whatever the fuck is that lol (I dont want any "keyboard" nor any other "instrument" nor literally any other single type of thing lol) or ""whatever I want" even though Ive never asked for absolutely anything at all and they give 'me' 'kisses' and 'hugs' and I dont give a damn shit lol they say im their 'favorite' (or whatever the fck 'favorite' means lol) 'among' 'my' 'siblings' or whatever the fck 'siblings' means and I DONT GIVE A DAMN FCKING SHT NEITHER lol. 'i' put the 'words' between 's because i dont give any less of sht lol) and I DONT GIVE A FCKNG SHT. My parents are the 'best' 'type' of 'parents' 'one' 'can' 'have' AND I DONT GIVE A SHIIIIIIT. I DONT I JUST DONT FOR FUCKS SAKE why do 'i' have to 'care about' 'something' and think/say that 'something' is ''good'' or ''bad'' or ''exciting'' ''interesting'' ''entertaining'' or ''boring'' or ''useful'' or ''useless'' or ''worthful'' or ''worthless'' or ''valuable'' or ''valueless'' or ''meaningful'' or ''meaningless'' or whatever other '''''positive''''' or '''''negative''''' 'adjective' or whatever all those 'words' 'mean' lmao. Why can't i just not give a fcking sht. I don't understand why isn't not giving a shit about literally anything in general, possible and 'rational' (as if i gave a fcking shit if x is "rational" or "irrational" lol not wanting to live life wItHoUt aNy rEaSoN aT aLl is ""irrational"" because 'humans' say so/feel like it, "rational"/"irrational" and literally all the rest of 'words'/'terms'/'adjectives' are all just human inventions/'concepts' established into 'human society'/'modern society' or whatever tf that is/means lol and the rest of 'humans' just follow it and have it as a 'rule', """not wanting to live life is 'irrational' and 'selfish' [or whatever tf that means lmaooo don't give a f shit] because I say so and feel like it, ok?" said once a 'human being'/'person' and the rest of 'people'/'human beings' have followed it and have that conceptualized 'idea' as 'fact' and that it's 'objectively'/'generally' "irrational", "illogical" and "selfish" or whatever the fuck that means because a 'human' said so and fucking felt like it and now it is inculcated in everyone's heads as a and concepts not only 'these things'/'things' in general that 'humans' have invented and created such as 'concepts' installing them into 'society'/'human society'/'life'/'human life'/'modern life'/'the world'/'modern society'/'modern world' blah blah. It's very funny to me (or whatever the fuck a 'me', 'you', 'she', 'he', 'they', 'we' is and means lol) that literally everyone else feel "empty" and 'feel'/'are' "bored" if they 'have nothing to do'/'dont do anything' and not doing anything gives them "emptiness", "meaninglessness" and "boredom" lmao. And for 'me' it's ALL the OPPOSITE (and has always been and will always be, and so fucking proud of it lol) I don't want to do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING OF ANY TYPE AT ALL AT ANY TIME AT ALL,NEVER AT ALL IN GENERAL, NO MATTER WHAT/HOW IT IS.
I WANT TO NOT WANT TO DO ANY FUCKING THING AT ALL OF ANY FUCKING TYPE (this isn't the "consequence" of 'something' and there's not fucking reason behind ffs so don't fcking assume anything, don't assume that i say i don't want to do anything bEcAuSe oF a reAsOn" because ITS NOT BECAUAE OF ANY FUCKING REASON AT ALL.
I simply seriously literally just DON'T want to do absolutely anything, of absolutely any fucking type. I. Just. Don't. For. Fucks. Sake. I don't give a fucking sht not only about 'these things' that 'i' 'perceive' as a 'human'/'living being'/// that 'i' was 'brought' to, I DONT GIVE A FCKING SHT AND NEVER WILL, ABOUT ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE. What a fcking garbage that i cant just leave this 'carcass' 'Im' in called 'human body' being completely inert and not 'move' it nor 'feed' it nor 'use' it AT ALL (I don't want to be 'inside' ANY 'human body' in general no matter how tf it is/looks like lol. I DONT WANT TO 'BE' ANYTHING/ANYONE AT ALL I DON'T WANT TO 'BE' 'INSIDE' ABSOLUTELY ANY FUCKING 'THING' OF ANY 'TYPE' AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!. It sucks that existence and life or whatever tf their 'names' are is an obligation and that i have to want and care about it and have "interest" (or whatever the fuck "interest" and all that trash garbage shit means lol) in 'it' (I DONT HAVE/NEVER WILL HAVE////DON'T WANT TO HAVE AND NEVER WILL WANT TO 'HAVE' ANY FUCKING """"INTEREST"""" 'IN'/'ABOUT'/'FOR' ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!and 'experience' it yes or yes uNleSs I hAvE a 'vAliD rEaSoN', uNLesS iM "sUfFeRiNg", "uNleSs sOmeThinG 'bAd' hApPeNs tO mE", I wish i never had to move it (I don't want to use/have/feed/take care of ANY FUCKING 'HUMAN BODY' IN GENERAL, NOT "JUSR THIS ONE IM IN IN PARTICULAR" NOR LITERALLT ANY OTHER THINF!!!!! I just don't want to 'be'/'exist as' absolutely anything ffs.) What a fucking garbage that i cant just finally get rid of being 'something'/'someone' and inside a 'human body' or whatever this is so 'I' could finally not be any 'i', any anything nor anyone, but this is obligatory UNFORTUNATELY, and it fucking sucks that I cant choose to simply not want to experience 'life' and simply just literally not give a fcking shit (and NOT wanting to care) and just simply not have absolutely any "interest" in it nor 'the world', nor 'planet earth' nor absolutely any other thing at all no matter how/what it is Just nothing nowhere for fucks sake. I wish i never had to do any fucking type of thing ffs i couldn't give any less of a fucking goddamn sht about ANYTHING at all.

It's not "cHeMicAl imbalance' iN tHe bRaIn" nor "suffering", nor "problems", nor "bad life"/"bad situation" nor any other 'reason'/'thing' at all in general. I'm not "suffering" at all in any way about anything, and there's nothing at all that "I want"/"care about" etc, why the fuck do "I" have to, why can't i just not want any fucking thing whatever/however the fuck it is. I just don't give a shit about 'life' in general/'the world'/'planet earth' in general no matter what happens, how the things that happen are/happen, no matter how/the way it is, I don't give a shit about anything at all in general no matter what/how the fuck it is lol and I simply just don't want to 'experience'/'live'/'do' etc 'life' in general no matter how/the way it is, what it is about/how it works/what it has/what there is/how the things that there is are, no matter what happens no matter what "standardized life" there is in the "modern world/society" etcetc, I just don't and never will and there is no 'reason' at all. I will never understand why existence and all 'this' that 'I' was 'brought' to ('I' don't want to be anything nor anyone and I don't want to be 'brought' anywhere at all) is obligatory and that if I SIMPLY JUST DONT WANT IT (nor any other thing lol) iTS bEcAusE oF a ReAsOn. NO. JUST NO. IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF ANY REASON. and I know that all of you will be thinking shit like: "nO yoU sAy tHat bEcAusE oF a ReAsOn, tHeReS sOmethInG thAt hAs mAdE yOu sAy tHat" "yOu oBvIoUsLy uSeD tO cArE aBoUt tHiNgS aNd yOu wAnT tO cArE aBoUt tHiNgS bUt yOu hAvE dEcIdEd tO nOt cArE aNytHiNg bEcAuSe iTs bEtTeR fOr yOu aNd yOur mEntAl hEaltH ((((what "mental health"/mental illness"? Lmao ie dont have any 'mental illness'/'mental health issue' or wahtever tf that is/means lol why cant i not want to live /experience 'life' nor 'exist' at all and not give a fucking shit /not have any "interest" in /about ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL IN GENERAL REGARDLESS WHAT/HOW IT IS ETCETC without it being bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN? sigh. I DONT HAVE ANYTHING like that literally NOTHING 'bad'/'terrible'/'painful' happens at all and? so what? just because nothing "bad" happens to 'me' and i dOnT hAvE aNy rEaSoN aT aLl i don't have the RIGHT to just not want to live/experience 'life' (no matter how/the way it is etc, it's not that i don't want to experience it bEcAusE oF tHe wAy iT iS, bEcAusE iTs LikE thIs Or lIke tHat, bEcAuSe tHiS aNd tHaT hApPeNs, no!!!! It's not that ffs lol i couldn't give any less of a f what happens in 'life'/'human life'/'modern life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'modern world'/'modern society' or whatever, I DONT CARE LOL I JUST DON'T GIVE A F SHIT. I don't care at all how 'life'/'human life'/'planet earth'/'the world', whatever, is/can be i don't care what it can be 'experienced'/'seen'/'enjoyed'/'done'/'explored' etcetc in 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' blah blah I DONT CARE AT ALL. NEVER CARED AND NEVER WILL. I just dont, that's it, there's no damned 'reason' at all but well i know that therell be assumptions anyway and that this is just impossible to 'understand'/'comprehend'/'believe' for literally everyone in general whether it's non suicidal or suicidal, pro life or not. so I'll have to just give up trying to explain 'better' with other 'words' lol, it'll receive assumptions anyway.)))) aNd sUfFeRInG bEcAuSe yOu dOnT sUfFeR aS mUcH aS wHeN yOu cArE aNd iT mAKeS yOu sUfFeR lEsS tHaN wHeN yOu cArEd aBoUt tHinGs aNd nOT cArInF aBoUt aNytHinG mAkEs yOu fEeL mOrE rElIevEd oF tHe pAiN aNd yOu dOnT gO THrOuGh rEgReTs nOr dIsApPoInTmEnTs aNd mAkeS yOu NoT gEt fRuStRaTeD oR wOrRiED/sAd/dEpReSsEd aBoUt tHinGs aNd dOeSnT mAkE yOu sUfFeR aNd bE iN pAiN* aS wHeN yOu cArE aBouT sOmethInG aNd wAnT/nEeD it bUt yOu cAnT hAvE it aNd tHe feElInG iS hOrRibLe sO YoU cHoSe tO Not cArE aS a cOnsEqUeNcE of tHaT, bEcAusE oF a ReAsOn, tO nOT sUfFeR mOrE bEcAusE iF yOu cArE yOu gEt sAd aNd dEpReSsEd aNd fRusTraTeD aNd iTs pAiNfUL * aBoUT sOmEtHiNg bEcAuSe yOu cArE aBoUt iT aNd gIvE iT tOo MuCh ImPoRtAnCe aNd yOuVe dEcIdEd aNd cHoSeN tO NoT cArE aBoUt aNyThInG bEcAuSe tHeN yOu aReNt wOrRieD aBoUt aNythInG/yOu dOnT hAvE tO wOrRy aBoUt aNyThInG aNd iT mAkEs yOu fOrgET aBoUt tHoSe tHiNgS tHaT uSeD tO cAusE yOu pAiN, sUfFeRiNg aNd hOpEleSsNeSs aNd tHaT uSeD tO mAKe yOu fEeL eMpTy aNd dEpReSsEd (wtf lmfao im not "depressed" nor "sad" nor literally any other ""bad""/""negative"" 'way' nor 'feel' "empty" nor "numb"/"broken" or whatever the fuck that 'means' lol) aNd tHaT uSeD tO wOrRy aNd AfFeCt yOu (lmao nothing has ever /doesn't and never will "affected/affect" 'me' nor "worry" 'me' lol), aNd iTs bEtTeR tO nOt cArE aBoUt aNytHinG bEcAuSe tHeN yOu dOnT gO tHrOuGh tHaT bEcAuSe eVeRyThInG iS iNdIfFeReNt (and why can't things be 'indifferent' to 'me' lmao why can't i just not give a fcking shit PERMANENTELY AND WITHOUT IT BEING BECAUSE OF ANY FUCKING DAMN 'REASON'????) To yOu iF yOu dOnT cArE aBoUt aNytHinG aNd nOt cArIng aBouT aNytHinG hAs tHoSe aDvAntAgeS aNd iTs bEnEfiCiAl tO yOu bEcAuSe tHeN yOu dOnT gO tHrOuGh hArDsHiPs aNd wOrRiEs, rEgReTs, hOpElEsSnEsS, dIsApPoInTmEnTs, tEaRs aNd pAiN aNd sUfFeRiNg eTc (lmao) aNd YoU dOnT sUfFeR bEcAuSe nOtHiNg wOrRiEs yOu aNd nOtHiNg mAkEs yOu sUfFeR aS wHeN yOu cArEd (nothing /no one makes 'me' "suffer" lol) tHaTs wHy yOu dOnT cArE aBoUt aNythInG,bEcAuSe iTs bEtTeR tO nOt cArE sO tHeN yOu dOnT sUfFeR aNd YoU dOnT gO tHrOuGh BaD sItUaTiOnS aNd cIrCuMsTaNcEs SuFfErInG fOr SoMeThInG oR sOmEoNe ThAtS cAusINg yOu PaIn" no lmao nothing/no one has ever/doesn't caused/cause 'me' any "pain". "yOu cHoSe tO nOt cAre aBoUt aNytHinG aNd nOt bE iNteReStEd iN lIfE iN gEnEraL nOr aNyThInG iN gEnErAl bEcAuSe tHaT dOesNt mAkE yOu sUfFeR aLsO pRoBAbLy yOu sToPpeD cArIng aNd sAy tHat yOu dOnT cArE abOuT aNytHinG aNd tHat yOu dOnt wAnT tO lIvE/eXpErIenCe LiFe (((((i haven't "stopped" caring lmao I've NEVER 'cared' [and had never wanted to lol and never will want to, i mean, why the fck do 'i' have to care/want to care? wtf lol why is this obligatory...] about anything in gensral lol , NEVER AT ALL. So it's obviously not "loss of" "stopped" nor any other crap like that lol. ive always had and will always have to PRETEND , P R E T E N D /force myself to 'care'/'have' "interest" and blah blah all that crap ,THERES A DIFFERENCE, because if i didn't they'd have suspected/noticed ages ago and also assumed 'im' "depressed" or whatever other 'thing'/'reason' bUt sOmeThInG hapPenS tO mE yEs oR yEs ,tHeReS yEs Or YeS a ReAsOn wHy, iTs bEcAuSe oF sOmEtHinG yeS oR yEs {sigh, why the fck there has to be a reason yes or yes what's so "wrong" about literally just not wanting to exist and just not giving a sht about anything and simply just not wanting to 'experience'/'live'/'do'/'explore'/'know'/'learn from'/'enjoy' 'life' nor any other 'thing' WITHOUT IT BEING BECAUSE OF A 'REASON'} and i would have been taken to a psychiatrist /psychologist too sigh.))))) bEcAuSe yOu lOsT hOpE aBoUt sOmEtHiNg Or yOu lOsT sOmEthInG tHaT gIvEs a MeAniNg aNd pUrPoSe To YoUr LifE aNd mAkEs iT aNd lIfE iN gEnErAl wOrTh LiVIng aNd nOw tHat yOu dOnT hAvE thAt Or yOu sImplY cAnT dOnT hAvE wHat yOu wIsH nEeD aNd WaNt So yOuR liFe AnD lIfE iN gEnEraL hAs bEcOmE mEaNiNglEsS bOrInG eMpTY aImLeSs aNd pOiNtLesS oR bEcAuSe aFtEr YeArS oF tRyInG yoUr lIfE aNd sItUaTIoN hAvEnT cHanGeD aNd iMPrOvEd aNd yOu fEeL lIkE a lIfE lIkE tHAt, a LifE tHat wAy iS nOt a LifE, a LifE wiTH nO dRiVE, pUrPoSe MotIvAtIoN aNd mEaNiNg ItS nOt a LifE tO yOu AnD yOuRe UnHaPpY aNd nOt sAtISfIeD aT AlL aNd aFtEr MaNy yEaRs oF tRyInG tO rEcOvEr YoUvE lOsT hOpE Or yOuVe mAdE tHat dEcIsIoN* (WHAT 'DECISION' LMAO ITS NOT A 'DECISION' FFS I SIMPLY JUST FCKING DONT FFS ) oF nOT cArInG aBoUt aNyThIng bEcAuSe of HoW fUcKeD uP aNd mEsSeD uP sOcIetY, hUmAnItY aNd tHe wOrLd aRe aNd wHat HapPeNs iN tHe wOrlD aNd bEcAuSe yOu dOnT lIkE moDeRn LifE mOdErN sOciEtY aNd MoDeRn WoRlD aNd yOu ThInK iTs UnfAiR aNd hArD aNd vErY pAiNfUl aNd yOu wIsH iT wAs a DiFfEreNt wAy" no lmao it's not because of 'that' nor literally any other 'thing'/'reason' in general, it's NOT because of anything, any 'reason' in general at all, it's NOT because of ANYTHING at all of any type. i couldnt give any less of a fck if whatever 'thing' is ''better'' or ''worse'' or whatever the fuck. its not that ffs lol its NOT because of ANY fucking reason at all.

"thEreS sOmEthInG tHaTs cAusInG yOu PaiN aNd AnGuIsH Or dIsaPpoInTmEnT aNd hOpElEsSnEsS oR tHerEs sOmeThInG mAyBe AbOuT hOw LifE tOdaY wOrKs aNd tHe wAy iT iS/wHat iT iS aBouT oR aBoUt hOw tHe wOrlD iS nOwAdAyS aNd tHe pRoBlEmS/iSsUeS aNd cAtAsTrOpHeS/tRaGeDiEs hApPeNIng Or wHatEVer otHer tHinG tHat cAusE yOu iMpOtEnCE aNd frUstrAtIon aNd yOu wIsh iT wAs diFfEreNt/aNoThEr wAy/tHat yOu cOulD cHaNgE iT aNd tHat iT wAs bEtTeR aBouT tHe eStAbIiShEd lIfE nOwAdAys iN cUrReNt wOrlD/sOciEty oR aBouT tHe wOrlD AnD pLanEt eArTh becAusE iTs bEeN rUinEd bY cRueL/vIoLeNt/dEsTruCtiVe/mAniPulAtIvE/rIcH peOplE liKe cRiMinAlS/mUrdErErS, RaPiStS, rAcIsTs eTc aLsO pOliTIcIaNs/tHe gOvErMenT aNd alSo tHe elItE aNd rIcH cOmpAnIeS , FaMilIeS AnD sEcReT sOcIeTieS cOnTrOlLinG tHe WoRLd aNd wAnTinG tO mAniPulAtE pEoPlE aNd rEdUcE pOpUlAtiOn aNd rUiNinG cOuNtrIe's eCoNoMiCs aNd mAkiNg pEoPlEs lIvEs MisErAblE (as if I gave a fucking shit lmao) aNd aLsO cReAtInG a nEw wOrLd oRdEr aNd rUiN pEoPlEs lIves wHilE tHe r IcH aNd pOwErFuL fRoM tHe eLiTe, pOliTicIaNs, sEcReT sOciEtiEs LikE iLluMinAtI aNd mAsOnEry eTC (as if i gave a fcking sht lol) gEt mOrE aNd moRe bEnEfItS wHilE tHeY KiLl mIlLioNs oF peoPlE wiTh eStRagEtIeS lIkE cOntAMinATiNg tHe fOoD wE eAt oR tHroUgh wAtEr aNd aIr pOluLitIoN eTc EtC (and i dont give a sht, at least I dont lol) MaYbE iTs bEcAusE oF thE siTuAtiOn oF tHe wOrlD wItH sO mAnY iSsUeS aNd pRoBlEms LikE pOvErTy, hUngEr, dIsCriMaTioN, rAcIsM, hOmOpHobIa, pOlLutIoN, mUrDeRs, cOrRuPt pOlItIcIanS aNd gLobAl eLitEs aNd iN gEnErAl rIcH, pRiViLeGeD aNd pOwErFuL pEopLe cOnTrolLinG eVerYthiNg aNd thE pOpUlaTioN aNd gEnOcIdE aNd wArS aNd tHeyRe dEprIviNg pEoPlE oF tHeiR rIghTs aNd fReEdOm AnD beCauSe oF hOw iT iS And tHat hAs bEcoMe a hOrRibLe plAcE bEcAusE oF huManItY aNd hUmaNs wAnt tO aLsO deStrOy tHe pLanEt (ok lmao) ,oR foR wHatEvEr oTheR rEaSoN bUt iT iS bEcAusE oF a rEasOn, (it's NOT because of any reason at all) bEcAusE oF sOmEtHInG tHat iS mAkiNg yOu sUfFeR aNd bE miSeRaBlE aNd oR uNhaPpy mAybE yOuRe NoT sAtIsfIeD aNd uNhApPy wItH yOuR sItUaTiOn aNd yOur lIfe In genEraL becAusE iTs nOt hOw yOu wAnT iT tO bE iTs nOt tHe lIfE yOu WaNt oR yOure NoT lIvInG yOur LifE aNd lIfE iN gEnErAl tHe wAy yOu wAnt tO oR yOuR lIfE aNd YouR aCtIonS aRe beiNg cOntRoLlEd oR tHerEs SomEthInG yOu wAnT aNd neEd bUt cAnT hAvE oR yOure HoPeLesS aNd dEpRessEd/sAd/ dIsaPpOinTed abOut yOurSelF oR yOuR lIfE bEcAusE iTs nOt gEtTiNg bEtTeR aNd yOu wAnT tO sEe rEcOvErY aNd iMprOveMEnT oR yOuRe uPsET aNd uNhApPy aNd dIsaPpOinTeD aNd hOpeLeSs mAyBe bEcAusE of tHe wAy tHat lifE iS aNd hOw iT wOrkS aNd Or bEcAusE Of tHe cUrReNt sItUaTiOn iN tHe wOrlD /wHaTs hapPeNinG iN tHe WoRld rIgHt noW wItH sO mAnY pRoBlEmS aNd cHaOs aNd sUfFeRiNg aNd hUmAnItY beiNg sO cRuEl aNd sO cOrRuPt oR yOurE fRusTraTeD aNd mAd aBouT aNy oThEr ThInG yOu hAtE oR dOnT aGreE wiTh Or cAuSes yOu dEsPerAtiOn, fRuStRAtIoN yOu hAtE aNd oR dOnt aGreE wItH aNd tHat fRuStRaTeS yOu" NO ffs it's not any of that!!!! It's NOT because of absolutely any 'possible' 'reason' at all. It's not because of literally/absolutely ANY type of reason at all. Why the fck there has to be a damn reason lol, i need an 'explanation' for that.

"As a way to release all your frustration you say you don't care about anything, that's why you say that you just don't care about/aren't interested in anything and that you don't want to live life, maybe it's all meaningless to you and you ask yourself why because everyone is gonna die anyways or you're frustrated and impotent about something> (no lmfao , ime frustrated and impotent because i literally just dont want to be 'here' [I mean in general, not reffering to an 'specific'/'particular' 'here'] nor anywhere else at all but i can't because i have no way out, and this is something obligatory* apparently is "not normal" to just simply not want to experience life/exist iF thErE iSnT aNy rEaSoN aT AlL. *Thats why, NOT because of a fcking reason. There. Is. No. Reason. At. All. Ffs.) >also bc you may say, why care? if things, life and the world will continue being messed up, filled up with problems and tragedies and being so hard and unfair (and that doesnt "worry"/"affect" 'me' at all lol couldnt care less) and there is no hope for improvement because humanity is very cruel and corrupt (ok? lmao) so it's not worth it to have hope for a better world and a better life for people in general if it's gonna stay like this and it's not gonna change and improve"> (no it's not because of that crap nor because of literally any other single 'reason' at all lol) (as if ie gave a shit how the fuck 'humanity' is and what they 'do'/'dont do' looool) (lmao as if i gave a fucking shit if "the world"/'life' or whatever other thing is "messed up"/"bad"/"unfair"/"hard" or not lmfao) , > "because you're frustrated and depressed about something that is worrying you so much (no lmao, im not "worried" nor "depressed" about absolutely ANYTHING) or that it gives you a lot of impotence and anger that you cannot change and you wish it wasn't like that/that way and that it was better/different *due to problems / because something bothers you / you hate it or you dont agree with it or you wish it wasnt like this /it was another way/ different /better or that it had/there were other things different way about other things or you wish that x thing did not happen in your life or in the lives of some people in general or in life now in general or there is something about the world / about what is happening in the world that makes you depressed frustrates you or that you would like to change and that it was better/different or that you hate or dont agree with and wish it was different or whatever other thing /reason but the thing is that you dont say you simply just dont care about life nor anything in general etc and that you just simply don't want to live /experience/do 'life' no matter how it is etc without any reason at all nor any other thing and that you don't give a shit anout the world nor .planet earth nor anytjing in grneral and thst you dont want to.explore it without any reason at all, theres a reason why, theres something that has made you say that and come to that decision and conclusion, that's a consequence of something bad and traumatic in your life in the past or you lost something that used to give value and meaning to your life or youre just going through a phase, yOuR bRaIn hASnt fuLly dEvElopEd yEt yOuRe sTilL yOuNg tHaTs wHy yOu sAy tHoSe tHiNgS, yOu hAvEnT gRoWn Up mEnTaLly tHaT mucH, mAybE yOuRe dEpReSsEd aNd aPaThEtIc oR yOu fEel eMpTy aNd hAvE lOw sElF eStEeM aNd yOu fEeL lIke yOuRe NoT gOoD eNougH Or wHatEvEr otHeR rEAsON, iF yOu sAy tHeReS nO rEAsOn tHaTs a cHeMicAl iMbAlAnCe iN thE bRaiN, iTs jUsT tEmPoRaRy aNd a pHaSe aNd yOuLl cHaNgE wItH tImE, yOUrE sTilL yOunG anD hAvEnT MAtUReD yEt" (and i dont want to at all lmfaoooo, as if i gave a damn fcuk sht if I have "matured" or "not" lmao and Im not "depressed" neither "apathetic" neither i have "lost" "interest/motivation"{*}, and I dont feel "empty" at all about anything and i dont have "low self-esteem" or whatever that is at all lol. And I dont want to be "good enough" at all for/about absolutely any single damn fcking thing of any type lol nor be "good for|at" absolutely anything at all no matter what/how it is nor do anything "right"/"well" nor 'know how to do' absolutely ANYTHING. I dont want to be "good at"/"good for" absolutely/literally anything lmao i dont give a sht. {{*}ive NEVER had any "interest"/"motivation"[*] so ofc it's not that i "lost" it lol, that would have been that i used to have "interest"/"motivation" before but now not, and no it's not that i had before but now i "lost" it lol I've NEVER been "interested"/"motivated" in anything and never will AND dont want to and never will. why the fuck do i have to loool, [*]but anyways yes or yes have to PRETEND i have that crap or else id have been taken maaaany years ago to a psychiatrist and psychologist and would have been assumed to be "depressed" or whatever other crap lol while being forced into meds/therapy and all that crap that I neither want nor need and never will lmao}) [as if i gave a fcking sht if Im 'young', 'old' or whatever the fck loool I dont give a sht what 'age' 'I' 'am' lol, I dont want to be/have any fcking 'age' nor 'gender'] (no lmao it's not "temporary" nor a "phase" nor "depression"/"apathy"/"loss of interest and motivation" nor literally any other 'reason' of absolutely any type at all.) (as if i gave a fckng sht if 'i' have "grown up" or "not grown up" lmfao 'i' dont want to be "mature" nor absolutely any other single fcking "positive" way lol) (as if i gave a damn fcking sht lmfaoooo i dont want to have/use any 'brain'/'mind' at all of ABSOLUTELY any 'type'/'kind'/'way' MUCH LESS "positive" 'ways' lol. I dont want to have anything "developed" or whatever the damn fck that means ) (as if i wanted "value"/"meaning" or whatever tf that means lol) (lmfao no for fucks sake it's not any "decision" nor "conclusion" or whatever tf that means) (i don't want to 'explore'/'see'/'discover'/'experience' etcerc any fucking 'thing' nor 'place' nor any otjer thing at all in general lol i dont have any fuvkong tjing "against" 'the world ' nor 'planet earth' nor any other 'place'/'thing' whatever/however the fuck it is and what there is/it has/happens etcetc. So its not that i say that i literally JUST DONT give a shit about the world nor planet Earth nor anh othrr fcking thing "bEcAusE oF hOw iT iS" "bEcAusE tHe wOrlD iS a 'bAd' pLacE fiLlEd up wItH fAlsEnEsS, hYpOcResY, sElfIsHNesS , cRuEltY, mAniPulAtiOn, cOnTrOl, vIoLeNcE, mIsErY, pAiN, cOrRuPtiOn, pOvErTy, gLobAl elItIeS /cOrPoRaTiOns/oRgAniZatIonS/sOcIEtiEs/eNtITieS (as if i gave a fcking sht that all those 'things' exist and that its """dangerous""" lmao) cOntRoLlIng eVerYthiNg aNd EvErYonE aNd mAnIpUlAtIng tHe pOpUlaTiOn thRoUgH tHe MedIa wItH fAlSe iNfOrmAtiOn/lIeS sO tHat PeoPle gET sIcK aNd dIe sO tHeY bECome 'igNorAnTs' (lmao as if i gsve a shit if im "ignorant" or whatever/any other """""""negative""""""" thing lmao i dont want to be ""educated", " civilized", "disciplined", "cultured", "intelligent", "productive", "smart", "useful", "worthful", "knowledgeable", "independent", "mature", "active", "healthy" , "hardworking", "successful" nor literally any other """"""positive"""""" 'way'/'thing' in general , i dont want to be anything, anyone, any fucking way of any fucki ng way at all, any fucking 'type'/'kind' of 'person' nor literally any other fucking thing at all just dont ffs) "As a wAy tO cOpE wiTh yoUr fRuStrAtIoN aNd aS a wAy tO vEnT aNd rElEaSe yOuR fRuStRaTiOn, AnGeR aNd iMpOtEnCe bEcAusE oF sOmEtHInG bAd hApPeNiNg tO yOu oR yOuR lIfE bEInG bAd And pAinFuL aNd BorInG aNd mEanIngLeSs tO.yOu oR yOu feEL eMptY bEcAusE yOur lIfe iS nOt tHe lIfE yOu wAnT tO hAvE aNd lIvE aNd yOurE uNhApPy, dIsSaTiSfIeD aNd dISaPpOiNtEd wItH yOuR cUrReNt sItUaTiOn aNd yOuR lIfE Or yOu hAd a tRaGiC aNd bAd lIfE iN tHe pAsT oR yOu cAnT hAvE wHat yOu wAnt aNd nEeD Or yOuRe vErY dIsApPoInTeD aNd fRuStRaTeD aBouT tHe wAy lIfE iS aNd hOw It wOrKs aNd oR hOw tHe WorLd iS riGhT nOw aNd wHatS hApPeNinG aNd yOu sAy uOu HavE reAchEd tHe cOncLusIoN aNd hAvE mAdE tHe dEcIsiOn tO nOT cArE abOut aNytHinG tO nOt bE iNteReStEd iN lIfE iN gENerAl nOr tHe wOrLd nOr pLaNeT eArTh nOr aNyThInG iN gEnEraL bEcAuSe iT iS nOt wOrtH iT aNd iT dOeSnT mAkE sEnSe bEcAuSe iT iS nOt wOrtH gIvIn G a ChAncE tO LifE aNd tHe wOrlD bEcAusE oF hOw It iS aNd uOu tHinK tHat itS pOiNtLeSs tO hOpE fOr a bEtTeR wOrlD (lmfao as if i gsve a shit how the fuck "the world"/"planet earth"/"life", whatever 'thing' in general whatever/however it is, is lol i couldn't give any less of a fuck . "bUt yOu sAy tHat BecAusE yOuVe bEcoMe hOpEleSs aBouT tHe fUtuRe oF hUmAn LifE aNd tHe wOrLd aNd iTs sTuPid aNd pOintLesS tO hOpE aNd wiSh fOr a BetTer LiFe aNd a BeTteR wOrlD bEcAusE iTs nOt gOnNa hApPeN oR yOuVe loSt IntErEsT iN wAntInG tHe wOrlD tO bE a BeTtEr pLacE aNd aBouT cHangInG yOur PeRspEcTiVe aBoUt lIfE bEcAusE iTs nOt gOnNa cHaNgE aNd sO mAnY pEoPlE wILl cOntInuE sUfFeRInG aNd tHe lIfE sTanDaRd wOnT cHaNgE iT wIlL cOntInuE bEinG aBouT tHiS aNd wOrKiNg LikE thIs aNd yOu dOnT wAnT lIfE aNd tHe wOrLd tO bE tHis WaY aNd wItH tHeSe tHiNgS hApPeNinG tHaTs wHy yOu sAy tHaT, iTs oBvIoUslY bEcAusE oF a ReAsOn"

NO. it's NOT because of any of that NOR literally ANY other 'reason'/'thing' at all.
Please no assumptions. to the OP, if you want to delete this post because it's "too long" you can I guess lol.

 

[ilovenightmares]

Chemical imbalance, which makes me see how shit life is. Double points.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I saw what some people have that "I've always wanted"
And thought to myself I should have it too.

There is no other way to live.
What's the point?

I guess it could be chicken egg or a bit of both but what if you think it was things that happened in life how do you not get mad? I don't think it's possible.



maybe people who don't see it aren't dumb maybe there the clever ones?

I despise peasant lives however suicide is just as bad as living a life without "higher desires".
IMO that is.
Who am I to judge them anyways, right?

 

[Weary Soul]

Do you think its because of chemicals in your Brain or life has just been shit? I suppose its the old question of nurture vs nature and some people on here might be because there is a chemical imbalance and medication may or may not help but what if life has been shit no amount of chemical fixing drugs are going to help that are they.

Both, with the major problem in life being complete lack of support and additional ongoing harm.

 

[Silvermorning]

Both.

 

[degeneratewaste]

both for me. I was already genetically predisposed to a bunch of mental problems (thanks, father dearest), but have gone through a huge amount of trauma, neglect, abuse and mistreatment, and watched my life fall to pieces, resulting in an even worse depression than before, and probably multiple other underlying issues. the perfect equation for a completely fucked up person.

 

[WitheringAway]

Nope it's just my life that has been shit.

 

[Deleted member 23374]

Brain mostly. Worse after experiences with medication over decades.
is it supposed to be green ? this is distressing...

 

[Mr2005]

My whole adult life has been a total disaster. Doctors and medication being part of the reason why. That's why I stopped taking them even if I feel even worse. Given what's happened this is how I should feel. At least that's what I tell myself. I deserve to suffer. A chemical imbalance? I think there's a very good reason why and I'm not taking pills again that I never should have started just to stop me from killing myself. I'd need a much better reason than that and I don't have one. I'm determined to end it as a matter of self respect

 

[dandan]

I, we thought it was brain chemicals , 20 years. Medication.

Turns out testosterone cypionate , dianabol and exercsie does the job, for now.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It can't just be chemicals I feel like. Objectively, it makes sense that many of us are unhappy. If you consider the various parameters we live within, the inherent struggles of life, combined with modern day isolation, financial issues, health problems, raised by bad parents, etc etc then really, it's fairly logical that we operate on a negative level. This world is not meant to be a happy place - it can't be, no matter how hard commercials, therapists or do-gooders like to try and convince us.

If you are a bit lucky and dodge some of life's major bullets, and have some natural fight in you, you stand a good chance of making it. But many are not so fortunate.

 

[CalmStrikeofMercy]

TL;DR: eon of strife and nothing is sacred.

Trying to find food, shelter, and potable water in a never ending war zone that is outside the country I live in as well from inside a system with consequences with people who will not get along with one another. It is lawless in here. Everyone and their grandma qualifies for a felony.
If I try to pack up and go and live in the wild ...the government would probably just hunt me down and arrest me. I am forced to participate in a system I do not want to be in because it is a zero-sum game full of absurdism, death, torture; next to nothing in here is sacred; the police rape and beat people and act shocked and astonished when you point it out.
The ATF funnels out violence. The police have been known to sell drugs. Shooting up schools and churches. Mass shootings.
White collar crime for days..politicians advocating sexual assault...basically rape.
250k untested rape kits. STIs that people cannot keep to themselves. Child neglect and abuse (shaken baby syndrome). Selling underaged kids for sex. Hotels running brothels (caught a few in my time when they arranged a room for me that I did not want) after they said they would not.
Hackers for days.
Bigotry for days.
Polarization like no other.
Fraud like no other.
Sexpionage.
Gang stalking.
Hitmen.
People who make baseless accusations.
Extra-judicial punishments.
Self-proclaim dictators running around.



It is 1984 in here.

 

[Unlucky Self]

Life is misery for everyone, but hardly any awaken to see that quitting is actually an option.

 

[Sakura94]

The brain is an adapting organism. I think life is just getting too worse for it to adapt.

 

[AutoTap]

Both and more