wistfulness
Member
- Nov 15, 2023
- 36
When I was 15, I started cutting myself. Since then, I would tell myself that once I left for college, things would get better. Before I could even finish the first semester of my senior year, my mother died of cancer, leaving my twin sister and I to care for our disabled father alone (he has Parkinson's).
Some part of me still thought things would get better. After graduating high school (2 years ago), I moved over 700 miles away from my home, effectively cutting me off from everyone I grew up with just to live by my dad's other children - who don't even show up for us when we need them. And recently, the only other adult left that I trust - my godmother - just got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My dad and her both had falls this week and I honestly just can't take the stress of it.
Every time I start to let myself think that things will get better, I remember every other time I said that and things only got worse. I miss my home and I miss my mom and I know things will never, ever go back to the way they were and I just can't accept that. It will take so much work for me to be happy - for me to accept myself. For me to be able to have healthy relationships with other people (being a lesbian certainly doesn't make it easier).
I'm honestly losing hope that things will ever get better. Should I just jump ship before things get even worse?
Some part of me still thought things would get better. After graduating high school (2 years ago), I moved over 700 miles away from my home, effectively cutting me off from everyone I grew up with just to live by my dad's other children - who don't even show up for us when we need them. And recently, the only other adult left that I trust - my godmother - just got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My dad and her both had falls this week and I honestly just can't take the stress of it.
Every time I start to let myself think that things will get better, I remember every other time I said that and things only got worse. I miss my home and I miss my mom and I know things will never, ever go back to the way they were and I just can't accept that. It will take so much work for me to be happy - for me to accept myself. For me to be able to have healthy relationships with other people (being a lesbian certainly doesn't make it easier).
I'm honestly losing hope that things will ever get better. Should I just jump ship before things get even worse?