Do you think depression can change your memories of the past?

[Klo]

Before the pandemic I had a life I was content with. I was kind of a loner and the people in my life were at a bit of a distance but it worked for me. Little did I know that living life that way would end me up completely alone and living a life of no value now.

I was suicidal at times before in the past but I have several times found reasons to live and thought that I had a good enough life to keep living.

What is really messing with my mind now is when I look back at my experiences and interactions with people I remember it all through the perception that I was just fooling myself or that I was just pretending that things mattered or were ok. Looking back I don't have any good memories at all and even memories of relationships and friendships I had that were fine at the time, now don't matter at all to me and even I see them now as fake. How is it possible that I was so out of touch before or is it that my extreme depression now has even stolen any joy I had retroactively? Has anyone experienced something similar?

 

[Al Cappella]

Yes I do, actually. Or rob you of memories entirely.

 

[Klo]

Yes I do, actually. Or rob you of memories entirely.

It seems a particularly cruel trick of the mind

 

[myopybyproxy]

yes, memory is malleable. look it up. the context in which you retrieve a memory can affect the memory itself, because each time you remember it, you are editing it in some small way. this works in both directions - when you're in a good mood, negative things that happened in the past don't seem as awful, and projections for the future are less bleak - perhaps even hopeful. and vice versa. it can even reach an extreme wherein you simply cannot recall memories of a differing mental state - eg you're furious and becoming calm seems impossible; when asked to recall a time in the past when you felt calm you may struggle to bring anything to mind.

not explaining it well but this is a well known fact in psychology.

changing this requires seeking out positive experiences to add to the positive memory 'balance' and reminding yourself to recall memories as objectively as possible. DBT addresses the former and CBT addresses the latter, if interested in going about this process in a more structured / formal manner.

 

[Insomniac]

The past is always better because you were younger and more beautiful.