I was always a hopeful and positive, but ugly kid. I thought "oh I just have to work to improve myself and I will find someone!". But after a decade of trying and trying and failing every time, the light of hope is all but gone. As I've matured I realized the true nature of the human courting process, the insignificance of my existence, how undesirable I really am, the mundanity of everyday life, and when I envision my life years from now (if I'm still around), I see myself alone, sad, and working for no real purpose. I believe the chances of life getting better are nonzero, but in the same way that the chances of god existing are nonzero. I see no evidence to support these possibilities and plenty of evidence against them, but as they say, you never know.
So, to answer the question: I don't know. There are a lot of good things in my life and from a third-person view, it may seem that I have a good life. However, the years of the interplay between my loneliness, insecurity, lack of belonging, and constant rejection have extinguished what used to be my bright-eyed, ambitious, optimistic perspective on life.
