Discussion Do you still have hope?

[DF90]

I brought up in the discord that most days I want to ctb, even when I feel happy I still have a voice in the back of my head that tells me to kill myself and that it's not worth it. But every now and then I get a little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, l can turn my life around and be relatively happy despite all my issues. Most of those glimmers turn out to be bullshit, but still it happens. I'm not sure. I guess, no matter how much I want to die, I still have the tiniest bit of hope on some days that it can get better.

Does anyone else experience this or have you completely lost all hope?

 

[Anarchy]

I've lost all proper hope; sometimes I have fleeting moments where I think I might carry on instead, but it's less to do with hope and more about curiousity about the future and wanting closure.
I want to die because I'm so isolated, and sometimes I think that I might meet someone I could become friends with, but it's easy to dismiss because my situation practically makes that impossible. Also, I have experienced true love; they were the only person I've ever cared about and could relate to and they are ignoring me...I can't ever replace them so it's useless to try to fill that void, and I know that they were my last hope; I could have carried on living if they were there for me but they weren't...so I feel like this is meant to happen - if I weren't meant to die then I wouldn't be so dislikeable and easy to ignore and so insignificant to others.
If the most accepting, caring individual I've ever come across doesn't want anything to do with me, then what hope do I have?
There's no hope for a paranoid, extremely anxious and depressed, insane person who is mistreated by all and whose very existence is rejected.

 

[Tomasnil]

No i dont

 

[Smilla]

Not even a shred of hope.

My only hope is that I successfully complete suicide.

 

[Threads]

My choice has already been made. Even if I win the lottery. Shit's not going to change.

Things have gotten better. And I'm hopeful they will continue too. But nothing will change my decision.

 

[Tiburcio]

The short answer is "no".

The long answer is a 20 paragraph reflexion about how hope keep us attached here that would depress you even more, and I feel too lazy to write all this.

 

[RainAndSadness]

No there isn't any hope left. I've made my decision back in 2017 after consciously reflecting my situation. And I have no regrets whatsoever. I think it's the right and only way and I'm ready to leave this world.

 

[skyofAuroras]

Unfortunately, yes I do. I say unfortunately because it's this hope that makes everything difficult. I want to be able to let go of life. But there's always something in me that wants to keep trying. I hate it because it's not a lot. I want to be either completely hopeful or hopeless. Instead I'm stuck in the middle of wanting to live and wanting to die. So yeah I do feel hope, I just don't know if I should act on it or not.

 

[nuclearsnake]

Sometimes, yes, and I despise it. I just want to be left alone and die; I'm tired of fighting over and over again. Hope sucks.

 

[Weirdoee]

I'm starting to accept that it's over for me

 

[skitliv]

No, I'm decided

 

[Gray Wounds]

I do not know if it is hope that visits me or just some random pint of a dream. An image depicting my life cloistered in the room that i love, with the privacy i need. But that's just a dream. It will never happen.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I'm rejecting the moving puzzle that I need to fit in with .
I don't like the puzzle , it is offensive , stupid , disagreeable and repulsive.

I need to change how I see the puzzle or accept certain processes that are at the moment unacceptable ...
( hypocritical expedient collaboration in the name of survival and thriving .)

I need to' want to live' , even though I see life as little more than a torture chamber , comprised of varying levels of suffering ...

Hope ?

I hope to change my entire universal view ?

I guess so .

It feels like I will either suicide or I will change so much , in order to thrive , that I will really not be who I am anymore at all. ( I like most , have survived by chameleonizing in the world ..... too much compromising only to survive , with too little authenticity for me )

serious negotiation with the concept of compromise and balance needs to ensue .

My ability to twist ideas and 'reason contorsion' is one of my worst enemies I think.
It can be interesting but it erodes all potential anchors ,

 

[Final Escape]

I think if you are on this site you are beyond hope, but hopefully some people do find hope from this site. I would think it's possible for some people to actually discover hope from this site because you realize how alone you are not. You hear about all the tragedies of other people's lives and maybe u realize that you don't have it as bad as u think in some cases.

 

[IQof87SadButTrue]

I have no hope but I'm staying alive until it gets a little worse.

 

[transgenderfailure]

yes false hope, it's certain that my situation will eventually lead to suicide and that is just a fact... but my brain keeps trying to paint these scenarios, which I know are not real

 

[Imaginos]

One can't lose what they never possessed in the first place, so no. Hope sucks, anyway. It's nothing, but a tainted anchor to keep you trapped/deluded in this twisted universe of pain we all have the great misfortune of currently occupying. Fuck hope.

 

[spicyfriedtofu]

Some days, in the short run, yes. In the long run (1+ years), no. And whenever it happens, I'm certain my death will be suicide.

 

[licebap]

If you speak of true hope, the hope I had when I was still young with dreams and fantasies, well the answer is simply a resounding NO.

If you speak as in your post of being *relatively* happy, well in my personal case that could be maybe achieved with many medical aids and accepting the fact that despite being born normal, healthy and smart, now I should live for the rest of my life as sort of down-syndrome guy, as a hermit and definitely as a society reject, with only few distractions as music, games... But that is not my thing at all, so until I can reasonate, my answer remains a sounding NO and I wish myself a near and peacful death.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

No, not anymore.
I feel like I've already died, I've been a hollow shell for the past 2 years.

 

[millefeui]

I do not. I am playing the waiting game now.

 

[wanttodie]

me to My only hope is that I successfully complete suicide.

 

[MiserableBastard1995]

One can't lose what they never possessed in the first place, so no. Hope sucks, anyway. It's nothing, but a tainted anchor to keep you trapped/deluded in this twisted universe of pain we all have the great misfortune of currently occupying. Fuck hope.

Came here to say this.

 

[Sternum]

Not even a shred of hope.

My only hope is that I successfully complete suicide.

Nailed it. I do have hope in one thing.

 

[iwant2die]

I used to, but I do not anymore. At this point, I just hope that I angle the gun right and can die.

 

[okyeah]

nah i got no hope left. I'm pretty dead inside and consider quitting my job every morning. I could write a thesis on how shitty my life is (and always has been) and why I should kill myself basically.

It's funny because going to a therapist for 2 years has made me figure out the exact reasons I want to die and how shitty my upbringing was and how trash my parents are. So I guess getting "help" has just helped me realize I need to die even more.

 

[Ssname]

Hope for little things in the moment but not long term or about important things.

 

[misunderst0od]

nah i got no hope left. I'm pretty dead inside and consider quitting my job every morning. I could write a thesis on how shitty my life is (and always has been) and why I should kill myself basically.

It's funny because going to a therapist for 2 years has made me figure out the exact reasons I want to die and how shitty my upbringing was and how trash my parents are. So I guess getting "help" has just helped me realize I need to die even more.

I thought I was the only one. Ive been to two different therapists and both of them definitely did NOT help. Just made me realize how fucked up I am and how I lack "coping" mechanisms.

 

[Jerryman]

Unfortunately, yes I do. I say unfortunately because it's this hope that makes everything difficult. I want to be able to let go of life. But there's always something in me that wants to keep trying. I hate it because it's not a lot. I want to be either completely hopeful or hopeless. Instead I'm stuck in the middle of wanting to live and wanting to die. So yeah I do feel hope, I just don't know if I should act on it or not.

That's exactly me, I'm stuck in the middle of hopeless and hopeful, I'm just treading water in pointlessness. I either want to be completely saved or it to end completely preferably with a terminal illness. Been in this stale boring middle ground for ages I'd rather the end was near. I can't see an end which is the scariest part

 

[watchtthethrone]

My world ended 3 years ago. I've been living on borrow time since ..