N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,001
I had this thought quite often recently. I wanted to make this thread since some time but I always postponed it. Maybe some of you can give me a feedback how you handle this feeling. Maybe it is an unpopular thread but it was quite often in my mind.
I thought a lot about what it means being member of a suicide forum. I feel a little bit better since some weeks. It might only be a new mania (which is really not unlikely it would be the final nail in my coffin). Since I am feeling a little bit better I questioned myself whether I have spread too much negativity in this forum. Often when I am in this forum I am quite depressed and suicidal. I don't want to make other people more depressed when I am describing my feelings. My intention is feeling less lonely and maybe when other people read my threads I hope they feel less lonely too. For me this really is a comforting feeling. I am facing chronic suicidality for years and being member in this forum really helps to cope. At least speaking about my experience I can say I think it helps me to stay stable. I could make a huge analysis for example about the anti-manic effect but this is not my intention with this thread.
All these media reports gave me a guilty conscience. I don't want to be compared to demons I want to act morally right. This was one reason why I had the need to spread more positivity and recovery resources. I have got a lot of positive feedback which was quite pleasant for me. Sometimes it is really hard for me to spread positivity especially when I am struggling myself. I recently censor me a lot in order to avoid spreading too much negativity. I think this is kind of unhealthy for me. But all these media reports made me really paranoid and anxious. No matter how I behave I cannot make it right.
I think this feeling of huge responsibilty has several reasons. This is a suicide forum and debating the question whether to end your own existence is a huge decision. Probably one of the most existential decisions there is. It can't be undone. If you are dead there is no possibility to return. At least this is what I am believing. Then you could ask the question whether the decision to kill yourself can be wrong. I mean with that that the person had better choices. I think this can be the case. But on the other hand I am just a random person on the internet who barely knows the other person who sits in front of his/her computer. In the vast majority of cases I don't have the feeling that I should make the final judgement. This is why I am advocating for therapy and having appoinments with professionals. Often I can't really evaluate the situation if I don't see the person in real life. And then the responsibilty is also carried by someone who is trained, skilled and experienced with such situations. I have often expressed myself that I see suicide only as the last resort. But I don't want to force someone to undertake my worldview.
There was a thread with which I was quite unhappy about. I really hope it is not too offending that I mention it here but for me it is a good example why it is important to have the thought of responsibilty in mind when posting here. I won't say the name of the member but there was once a thread which said that if you are chronically suicidal things would only get worse and more or less recovery was impossble. I wrote a response to this thread that this statement is quite dangerous and factually not true. My post was the post with the second most (positive) reactions (after the post of the OP.) Though the majority agreed with the OP. The OP said it was only a vent. And I can understand that. As I said I am also very negative/pessimistic when I am really depressed. But I think it was important to point out that the statement was not true. If other people read such a thread some might can't differentiate whether this was only a vent or a factual statement. If you want to know my reasoning why the statement is false you can read the thread I won't elaborate on it now.
These are my ways how I try to handle the feeling of responsibilty. Maybe I am just overthinking things too much. I am currently quite vulnerable and almost everything triggers me. Also these media articles where they demonize the members of this forum. In the end I have to trust in the thinking ability of the adults in this forum. I try to deliever help when it is needed and provided recovery resources as good as I can. I have a little bit the feeling I am currently very sensitive (towards pressure).
Have you ever thought of the responsibilty that you have due to the fact that you are member of a suicide forum? How are you dealing with it?
I thought a lot about what it means being member of a suicide forum. I feel a little bit better since some weeks. It might only be a new mania (which is really not unlikely it would be the final nail in my coffin). Since I am feeling a little bit better I questioned myself whether I have spread too much negativity in this forum. Often when I am in this forum I am quite depressed and suicidal. I don't want to make other people more depressed when I am describing my feelings. My intention is feeling less lonely and maybe when other people read my threads I hope they feel less lonely too. For me this really is a comforting feeling. I am facing chronic suicidality for years and being member in this forum really helps to cope. At least speaking about my experience I can say I think it helps me to stay stable. I could make a huge analysis for example about the anti-manic effect but this is not my intention with this thread.
All these media reports gave me a guilty conscience. I don't want to be compared to demons I want to act morally right. This was one reason why I had the need to spread more positivity and recovery resources. I have got a lot of positive feedback which was quite pleasant for me. Sometimes it is really hard for me to spread positivity especially when I am struggling myself. I recently censor me a lot in order to avoid spreading too much negativity. I think this is kind of unhealthy for me. But all these media reports made me really paranoid and anxious. No matter how I behave I cannot make it right.
I think this feeling of huge responsibilty has several reasons. This is a suicide forum and debating the question whether to end your own existence is a huge decision. Probably one of the most existential decisions there is. It can't be undone. If you are dead there is no possibility to return. At least this is what I am believing. Then you could ask the question whether the decision to kill yourself can be wrong. I mean with that that the person had better choices. I think this can be the case. But on the other hand I am just a random person on the internet who barely knows the other person who sits in front of his/her computer. In the vast majority of cases I don't have the feeling that I should make the final judgement. This is why I am advocating for therapy and having appoinments with professionals. Often I can't really evaluate the situation if I don't see the person in real life. And then the responsibilty is also carried by someone who is trained, skilled and experienced with such situations. I have often expressed myself that I see suicide only as the last resort. But I don't want to force someone to undertake my worldview.
There was a thread with which I was quite unhappy about. I really hope it is not too offending that I mention it here but for me it is a good example why it is important to have the thought of responsibilty in mind when posting here. I won't say the name of the member but there was once a thread which said that if you are chronically suicidal things would only get worse and more or less recovery was impossble. I wrote a response to this thread that this statement is quite dangerous and factually not true. My post was the post with the second most (positive) reactions (after the post of the OP.) Though the majority agreed with the OP. The OP said it was only a vent. And I can understand that. As I said I am also very negative/pessimistic when I am really depressed. But I think it was important to point out that the statement was not true. If other people read such a thread some might can't differentiate whether this was only a vent or a factual statement. If you want to know my reasoning why the statement is false you can read the thread I won't elaborate on it now.
These are my ways how I try to handle the feeling of responsibilty. Maybe I am just overthinking things too much. I am currently quite vulnerable and almost everything triggers me. Also these media articles where they demonize the members of this forum. In the end I have to trust in the thinking ability of the adults in this forum. I try to deliever help when it is needed and provided recovery resources as good as I can. I have a little bit the feeling I am currently very sensitive (towards pressure).
Have you ever thought of the responsibilty that you have due to the fact that you are member of a suicide forum? How are you dealing with it?
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