Discussion Do you sometimes feel like you'll be seen as a loser if you ctb?

[qw3rty259]

Do you think what people will think about you after your death? lol

The following text is kinda messy... But I guess my main point is clear.

I mean, personally I understand that it's actually a win. But still, sometimes, I think like people who don't know my full story would pity me and assume that I couldn't endure some mental disorder and was always alone and bla bla bla. Not to disrespect anybody who suffers from it, I might have also had some of this issues, I just don't like the way some people percept the act of suicide. Regardless of what's the cause, I don't like the prospect of them suggesting things... Ultimately I understand that perhaps I'm not really suicidal if I'm bothered by this BS otherwise I wouldn't give a fuck. Or maybe I am and i just consciously acknowledge these absurd fears/thoughts that my mind is creating.

I can't open up fully about my problems to anybody in this world, so I don't want to tell anyone about it partially, because they wouldn't know the full story if i really do kms. That's why I kinda can't make a strong connections to people, because there's always a possibility of me killing myself, i don't want anybody to feel sad because of it and don't want them to know what actually happened and why i did that. So I'm kinda more calm when I isolated for a long period of time. This way the case of suicide will be really vague, because no one could say they talked to me lately

 

[FuneralCry]

If one dies then they cannot be seen as anything as they'll simply no longer exist, this undesirable and hopeless existence will no longer be their concern and instead all will be forgotten about. I personally admire those who managed to voluntarily end their own existence and I'm repulsed by those who act like this is something bad as after all, all that causes one to suffer is ultimately as a result of existence and I see no value in prolonging meaningless suffering as much as possible. If "winning" means dying slowly and painfully tormented by old age then I'd never wish for that, no matter what I'd prefer to not exist, non-existence is always preferable to me as it's the eternal absence of all suffering and harm.

 

[LowLevelChimp]

I'm one of life's losers anyway so I don't much care what people think of me in general but I do worry that my past may be opened up to scrutiny and my partner and family will be hurt again due to my own previous actions.

There was a woman here where I live who had all sorts of details released about her past when she ctb'd and was missing, that really scared me as my past is similar in some ways and worse in others and not all my family know everything.

Most people I know are acquaintances, I don't have any real friends, never did. I can relate to not wanting or being able to make connections and I too pull away when people get close.

I have worked hard to recover from my issues but I've no more energy nothing helps anymore, I feel a heavy inevitability of my destination.

I'm fairly worthless at this point with little to offer to anyone or society, I'm just a drain again and I am feeling the need to remove myself fairly soon.

I pray that I never wake up but unfortunately it looks as though I will have to make my own way or continue living in physical and mental pain.

I thank you for your post it made me realise some of those issues I must consider that will affect others.

 

[qw3rty259]

There was a woman here where I live who had all sorts of details released about her past when she ctb'd

Whoa, why did it become publicly available? Or did she just had some info about her in the internet that was used?

 

[timetodie24]

Yeah I'd imagine people will think I'm weak and all the usual shit people say like 'if only they knew they were loved … if only they reached out… if only they knew it could get better… so much to live for etc.'
But once I'm gone I don't care. I have no control of how others perceive me , that's their prerogative. Death is the goal for me, what others do or think after isn't my problem or concern

 

[unabletocope]

Yes and no, generally yes, I think a lot of people would smirk and say 'I told you so', it's what they do best

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

Given I'm killing myself because of a chronic pain condition, i think they will pity me but not in a "he's a loser" way. I'm comfortable with that.

 

[LowLevelChimp]

Whoa, why did it become publicly available? Or did she just had some info about her in the internet that was used?

The police released it during the search.

 

[BadChanges]

loser? continue to live and deteriorate is the most loser thing you can do. Leavingthe world at your lowest when others memories of you are entirely bad is the worst in my opinion.

 

[qw3rty259]

The police released it during the search.

Shit's fucked, looks like you have to write down a note with a statement to not publish any info about you or better have someone to make sure they don't do it

Death is the goal for me, what others do or think after isn't my problem or concern

True. It's just an observation about my mind. at some point it even got me thinking about how my every action affects the perception of me after my death , which is ridiculous. I don't attribute to much value to those thoughts, it's just an aspect of my anxious personality that transformed in this absurd fear

 

[HereTomorrow]

I'm already a loser, so I don't care.

Suicide is taboo in my family's culture (they literally say "commit the sausage") so if/when I go they'll probably withold discussion of it enough to pretend I never even existed in their lives anyway. If they percieve me as a failure, they won't be able to properly discuss it amongst each other, or maybe my CTB might be that change.

As for my friends...I don't know. I feel like they see me as a loser already but love me enough to look past it. I'm afraid of hurting them with my passing, at most they'll be upset I never sought professional help.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm lucky in that I have no one to think anything about me, alive, or after I'm dead. Regardless, I have zero concern about what others *might* think about me after I ctb. I have no control over what others think, so why worry about it?

 

[qw3rty259]

I'm lucky in that I have no one to think anything about me, alive, or after I'm dead

I get into this position from time to time, but sometimes I kinda give in to that longing for some sort of connection, but then instantly regret it, lol, because it feels like a burden. Now I've learned my lesson tho

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I get into this position from time to time, but sometimes I kinda give in to that longing for some sort of connection, but then instantly regret it, lol, because it feels like a burden. Now I've learned my lesson tho

Sorry if I wasn't clear, but I meant I am literally devoid of anyone who cares about me. ALL my family has passed away and I have no friends. I don't have any "connections" at all.

 

[qw3rty259]

Sorry if I wasn't clear, but I meant I am literally devoid of anyone who cares about me. ALL my family has passed away and I have no friends. I don't have any "connections" at all.

I totally get you. My mom is alive but don't talk to her so I'm on my own. There were times when i tried to connect to someone, but dropped that idea in the end

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I totally get you. My mom is alive but don't talk to her so I'm on my own. There were times when i tried to connect to someone, but dropped that idea in the end

I gave up on trying to make new connections a long time ago, too.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I won't exist so I won't be able to care about anything

Plus all those NPCs will be dead also in a hundred years. That the NPCs don't constantly realize they will die is only one reason they are NPCs

 

[CyzerRaze]

They probably will misunderstand you. I mean, the reason that this forum exists in the first place is because it's very difficult to have a conversation about suicide with a person that still has a will to live.

You could try writing your thoughts when you ultimately decide to end it all, but a personal fear of mine is that people could easily twist your words and use them against a thing they don't like. For example, a lack of interest in social activities can be construed into a mental disorder by non professionals and a bad relationship with your family can be explained by a third factor "driving you away" from them.

I can't give you any advice since I'm not in your shoes, but if I was you I would not care about the fake picture of myself that exists in the mind of others. After all you can never truly know someone, since every single person has a hidden side to them.

 

[tankapi]

Yes. There are over a dozen people that have been successfully making my life hell all year. They'll be overjoyed if I do it. I wish I could resist and not give them the satisfaction. But I also don't want to keep suffering.

 

[N3UR0T1C]

Why would I? I'll be dead. It's not like I have to come back and deal with a shitty reputation.

 

[Bluebunnysky]

I couldn't care less

 

[VoidedExistence]

i do not give a shit if they think i am a loser, i do not give a shit if they think i am stupid for killing myself over reason they find invalid. it's my fucking life it's valid because i think so

 

[everythingoes]

yeah, something like that.. most people will probably say something like "she was always a little weird, i saw it coming"

but i don't care. i've heard worse things while being alive

 

[ToMoveOn]

I could see some extended family members saying I was weak, honestly.

 

[cowboypants]

Do you think what people will think about you after your death? lol

The following text is kinda messy... But I guess my main point is clear.

I mean, personally I understand that it's actually a win. But still, sometimes, I think like people who don't know my full story would pity me and assume that I couldn't endure some mental disorder and was always alone and bla bla bla. Not to disrespect anybody who suffers from it, I might have also had some of this issues, I just don't like the way some people percept the act of suicide. Regardless of what's the cause, I don't like the prospect of them suggesting things... Ultimately I understand that perhaps I'm not really suicidal if I'm bothered by this BS otherwise I wouldn't give a fuck. Or maybe I am and i just consciously acknowledge these absurd fears/thoughts that my mind is creating.

I can't open up fully about my problems to anybody in this world, so I don't want to tell anyone about it partially, because they wouldn't know the full story if i really do kms. That's why I kinda can't make a strong connections to people, because there's always a possibility of me killing myself, i don't want anybody to feel sad because of it and don't want them to know what actually happened and why i did that. So I'm kinda more calm when I isolated for a long period of time. This way the case of suicide will be really vague, because no one could say they talked to me lately

I'm already a loser from society POV. But I also have the aptitude for excelling in certain things but I have no motivation in life. Or the other critical parts of life suffer. I can only focus on one thing at a time that's both my plus and minus.

 

[Infinite Solipsist]

I'm pretty sure I'm already seen as a loser so CTB won't have much of an effect in that regard.

 

[Lost Magic]

I, personally, feel like a loser because I am still here. I know it's not easy to ctb, but I have been here too long. I sometimes feel like a coward

 

[Cambria]

I don't particularly care what people will think of me when I'm gone. I'm a bit concerned about how it'll make my mother feel, since she's quite emotional. Maybe my dad will have a hard time with it too, he was suicidal when he was younger, but he got over it eventually as far as I can tell. I don't think I can get over it.
Plus, I'm already a loser. One more sign of me being unable to deal with life in general won't change much.

 

[Saturn_]

If I kill myself, I'll finally stop being a loser.

 

[astr4]

i think about my funeral sometimes and how other than my parents i'm not sure i know anyone that would come