Discussion Do you really want to die?

[Susannah]

Benzos did me in too! A coworker offered me valium when I made the mistake of mentioning that I was dealing with depression/anxiety. I should be said thanks but not for me and stupidly I took one, got a headache and should've thrown the rest out but I ended up trying another one a month later...Dr ended up putting me on something else and then he prescribed the valium. He kept me on it way too long and I ended up taking myself off due to ringing in the ears, tapered a month but this wasnt long enough and got delayed withdrawals. Didnt realize it was from stopping the valium and Dr put me on alprazolam and got worse quick and then he prescribed a dangerous combo of meds that did me in. There should be an absolute law that benzos cannot be prescribed longer than 2 weeks...we'd be okay right now. Fuck do I ever regret taking those things, stopping them was bad too. That's what makes dying difficult, but it seems necessary in my case. Sorry to hear you two are in the same boat

Wow. Was it that bad, Valium? I've never tried to quit, but it's not very common to prescribe Valium in high dozes in Norway, so I guess I'm fine using them.

 

[wanttodie]

gidday iane been trying to join the group without sucess, i have reset my password and i hope that works, can you please email me an let me know how to start a new thread have looked evrywher and have no idea, thanks ,steve
[email protected]

going to try to join the group later

 

[botderlinemistake]

I want the pain to end, desperately. So desperately. I went to treatment for 10 months after fucking up my entire life. I got in an abusive codependent relationship with a woman who I thought was my mom. She destroyed me. I lied about being sick with cancer for 6 mos... it was like this fantasy of dying that I was able to live through in the open. I genuinely thought I would die of cancer — until I remembered I wasn't really sick. It was awful. I burned every bridge in my life at 18 years old. I went to treatment and felt healthy and happy and content after 10 mos — thought I had it all, thought I had a shot. Got in another codependent relationship with my life skills coach from my treatment center (I attach to mother figures). She just walked away from me because I attempted suicide last week and that was a boundary of hers — if I ever attempted suicide, she would walk away. In the moment, I didn't even consider that boundary. But she held to it, found me passed out and called another friend to come take care of getting me to the hospital. And now she's gone. And my heart hurts and I don't want to go through this pain again. I don't want to feel this pain again. I just want to go.

 

[Nowayout]

As stated before, I also believe nobody wants to truly die. Its just that we all crave a change that is sometimes impossible to achieve in our current lifes, therefore making us want to end it.
If we could have an endless supply of cash, no pain, no sadness, no worries, many people would probably think otherwise, although I also understand that for some people all of that has no worth, because in the end, it is meaningless. Some people simply cannot find happiness no matter how far and wide they search, and on the other side, there are people who get happiness from every little thing. It really is kind of unfair.

I definitely want to die. I'M not scared of death but I am very scared of pain. That' s the only reason I am still here.

 

[PatKat]

Do you really want to die, or just want the suffering to end, and death seems like the only way out? I often feel this way. Had my circumstances been different, maybe I'd actually want to live.. but that's just wishful thinking. I'm planning to ctb very early Sunday morning. I have everything setup, just can't help but feel sad.

I'm glad you made this post! This is a great topic that goes through my mind quite a bit.

Myself personally I don't want to die, but I do not want to wake up and feel the same way for the rest of my life. Everyday gets worse to me. The past two days though I have been not as sad when I woke up. During the day though the past two I have gone to both extremes multiple times in the day. Not sure what is going on, but I have to see my psychiatrist soon. I am going to mention to her that this has been happening and what I can do about it to make me more peaceful.

 

[bigj75]

Yeah, i feel like we're all here cuz survival instinct really.

True . Survival instinct is a bitch .

 

[Nem]

Wow. Was it that bad, Valium? I've never tried to quit, but it's not very common to prescribe Valium in high dozes in Norway, so I guess I'm fine using them.

Wow. Was it that bad, Valium? I've never tried to quit, but it's not very common to prescribe Valium in high dozes in Norway, so I guess I'm fine using them.

Valium can fuck you right up along with another pill that I was given which is even more of a nightmare. Ready to end my life pretty soon and no way can I screw this up

 

[Arak]

I really want to live, but the odds are that won´t be an option ...

 

[Fucking loving it]

Yes. I'm only concerned about a very important person I'll leave behind.

 

[ninaevol]

Welp, my attempt was unsuccessful and I got caught. Looks like I'm going to be here a while longer.

 

[zadig777]

Welp, my attempt was unsuccessful and I got caught. Looks like I'm going to be here a while longer.

how did u try to ctb
what method?

 

[willowtrees0]

I dont want to die but yea like other people said the suffering is unbearable. Honestly tho I dont think anything couldve changed it. I had everything I wanted. I have a great family, an amazing job and going to school for my dream job, I was independent and was living comfortably. I often wonder what went wrong in my life.

Im not like everyone else that started with a bad hand. I often wonder if Im actually going crazy. I think fear and anxiety of loosing everything I worked hard for started my road to ctb. Maybe if I wouldve gotten help I wouldnt be here but I honestly didnt even know I had it until looking back and trying to piece together where I started changing.

 

[zadig777]

I dont want to die but yea like other people said the suffering is unbearable. Honestly tho I dont think anything couldve changed it. I had everything I wanted. I have a great family, an amazing job and going to school for my dream job, I was independent and was living comfortably. I often wonder what went wrong in my life.

Im not like everyone else that started with a bad hand. I often wonder if Im actually going crazy. I think fear and anxiety of loosing everything I worked hard for started my road to ctb. Maybe if I wouldve gotten help I wouldnt be here but I honestly didnt even know I had it until looking back and trying to piece together where I started changing.

what are u suffering from when u say u have everything?

 

[willowtrees0]

what are u suffering from when u say u have everything?

depression. I had what I wanted but for some reason something just went wrong during my life. maybe my mind fought against me? . I lost my job because of depression. I couldnt function through the day. I quit school shortly after because I felt like a failure. after that I quit talking to my family and me and my bf barely look at eachother anymore because I have isolated myself. I dont know what happened to me. Now all I feel is pain and hurt and like I have given up everything good that ever happened to me because of something I dont even understand.

I guess I really dont make much sense. im sorry if its confusing. my biggest goal in life was to get a house and when I got it I always had what if thoughts. like what if this happens or that happens and Im homeless. how would I recover? and it turned into a obsession. I was in constant fear that something bad would happen. after that depression hit and it just all went downhill from there. I thought if I took a few days off from work Id bounce back but isolation was the worst choice I made. it sent me deeper into a depression state. It kept getting worse and worse over 3 year period and now its just unbearable. maybe I really am just crazy and this is all in my head and Im literally going to die to something imaginary....

 

[Retched]

Welp, my attempt was unsuccessful and I got caught. Looks like I'm going to be here a while longer.

I feel your pain & me too.

 

[NewDelhiGuy]

I believe in reincarnation too. Sometimes I think I can remember my past life.

I just watched this

 

[Retched]

I want to die. Too chicken to pull off some methods I've researched. So IDK. But I want to die.

 

[DreamFreedom]

Sometimes idk, but it's nice to know I have a choice.

 

[deathoverlife]

I went to get away from this world..form the people around..from every thing...if only death can make it possible...then yes I went to really really die!!

 

[Roph]

Yes. No doubt about it.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Do you really want to die, or just want the suffering to end, and death seems like the only way out? I often feel this way. Had my circumstances been different, maybe I'd actually want to live.. but that's just wishful thinking. I'm planning to ctb very early Sunday morning. I have everything setup, just can't help but feel sad.

Yes I wish to die. I won't have to remember what I look like anymore and hate all my physical features

I won't have to feel misery over my acne

I won't have to feel pain over my past mistakes

I won't remember being bullied and a social reject

I won't have to remember how barbaric this world is

I won't have to remember being a romantic failure and not being pretty enough

I will be FREE from all of these experiences finally

 

[RedHarlequin]

No I don't want to die, death scares me to be honest. I just want for my suffering to end. I've tried almost everything, but nothing works.

 

[BlankUser]

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. When everything seems hopeless I want to die. But sometimes I think if I could get rid of my OCD, I would live.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't want to experience death, dying is uncomfortble, hard and it leaves a legacy. I just want to not exist anymore. I want eternal nothingness. If it was up to me I would completely disappear and erase my life.

 

[Heartaches]

I want to end my suffering for the most part, but sometimes I really wish I could just die, or at least stop existing somehow. Sometimes the anguish, the sadness, the emptiness is too much to the point I can barely function, it's awful and at those times I wish everything could end no matter what. Other times I'm a little bit more hopeful, composed and "stable" to an extent, I can carefully explain what I'm feeling to others without breaking into a million pieces; I get the impression things can improve; but nothing ever stays the same does it?

In the end, I wish things hadn't reached to this point. If other universes exist, I hope there is one where my life is happy and fullfling, no depression, no anxiety, no trauma, no bad romantic relationships, no awful thoughts...but maybe I'm being too optimistic.​

 

[Yasuke]

Yes. I plan on killing myself next week

 

[Bedrock48]

Not really no, I yearn to live a fulfilling life to be honest but that's proving extremely challenging. However, I've had times in my life when I was completely at peace with dying and I 100% wanted to die there and then. Those episodes seem to be happening more frequently and it feels like my soul is finally getting tired of fighting.

 

[Emilia1012]

Do you really want to die, or just want the suffering to end, and death seems like the only way out? I often feel this way. Had my circumstances been different, maybe I'd actually want to live.. but that's just wishful thinking. I'm planning to ctb very early Sunday morning. I have everything setup, just can't help but feel sad.

I feel the same. I really want to live, if only my circumstances were different. But unfortunately I can't change them

 

[Beachedwhale]

I feel the same. I really want to live, if only my circumstances were different. But unfortunately I can't change them

Same pretty much

 

[Emilia1012]

Same pretty much

I am so sorry. I don't know what are your problems but are you 100% sure nothing can be done?