Discussion Do you know anyone who suicided but their family never had a funeral

[freedommatrix]

Or refused to admit the real cause of death? There were suspicions in my school that one of my classmates died of suicide. He was a stoner kid, real weird but cool and the other hand. One day he just disappeared and the parents said he drop out and didn't want to attend school and moved as exchange student abroad but it seemed strange that he also broke up from a few friends and never talked to them again.

Is it possible to avoid a funeral?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Or refused to admit the real cause of death? There were suspicions in my school that one of my classmates died of suicide. He was a stoner kid, real weird but cool and the other hand. One day he just disappeared and the parents said he drop out and didn't want to attend school and moved as exchange student abroad but it seemed strange that he also broke up from a few friends and never talked to them again.

Is it possible to avoid a funeral?

Sounds like he ctb'd. And I suspect the family was abusive and were more concerned with manipulating others' perceptions of them rather than of the ctb-er.

It is possible to avoid a funeral, one is not required. I think my parents will not have one, which is good because I don't want an obituary or service. They have a story for their friends and our extended family that all is lovey-dovey.

Get this.... My parents chose to stop speaking to me many years ago for calling out abuse, they told me goodbye, included their pets in the signature. But a couple years ago, my mother used a 30-year old photo of her and I as her Facebook profile photo, getting all these likes and comments, including a comment from the woman who threw the function. My mother replied, "We still thank you for it." I assume an obit or funeral would be quite inconvenient for them. In fact my being gone is more to their advantage.

Edit: In answer to your question about not admitting ctb, it is very common. A boyfriend in HS ctb'd by gunshot. His family said he had a brain clot that caused it. My dad was a death investigator, his response was that of course there are clots of blood at the scene. He said blaming another cause and scapegoating are also common in ctbs. I was scapegoated by peers.

 

[Epsilon0]

@GoodPersonEffed

Exactly how old are your parents? They sound like 7 year-old brats: "they included their pets in the signature"

You did the right thing! You stood up and spoke the truth. You have more courage, maturity and integrity in your little finger, than both of them put together.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@GoodPersonEffed

Exactly how old are your parents? They sound like 7 year-old brats: "they included their pets in the signature"

You did the right thing! You stood up and spoke the truth. You have more courage, maturity and integrity in your little finger, than both of them put together.

Could that have been any more ridiculous??? Not that the pets would join in the pettiness, but I'd never even met two of them! It was triangulation, a power play because my parents' position is so weak. They lack integrity and inner strength, and are indeed emotionally immature. That's how bullies roll. Including bullies in their late 70s.

I cherish your comments. My little finger and I thank you.

 

[Epsilon0]

Could that have been any more ridiculous??? Not that the pets would join in the pettiness, but I'd never even met two of them! It was triangulation, a power play because my parents' position is so weak. They lack integrity and inner strength, and are indeed emotionally immature. That's how bullies roll. Including bullies in their late 70s.

I cherish your comments. My little finger and I thank you.

I have to tell you something. I have been following your posts, and they say a lot about who you are as a person. You are smart, funny, eloquent and compassionate. I can't, for the life of me, imagine how anyone could turn their back on you, let alone your own parents. It's their loss, and I pity them. Truly.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I have to tell you something. I have been following your posts, and they say a lot about who you are as a person. You are smart, funny, eloquent and compassionate. I can't, for the life of me, imagine how anyone could turn their back on you, let alone your own parents. It's their loss, and I pity them. Truly.

I try to be my authentic self here, and it means so much to be recognized for the good person I made great efforts to become and to be. Thank you so much for telling me what you see. I truly cherish it. You made a great difference in my final days and validated my decision to participate here. If you've ever doubted that you have done incredible great good for others, doubt no more. Kindness fills others up; you've filled me.

I feel sorry for them, too. They missed out on a damn fine daughter and great comfort in their final years.

 

[aloneintheworld]

Sounds like he ctb'd. And I suspect the family was abusive and were more concerned with manipulating others' perceptions of them rather than of the ctb-er.

It is possible to avoid a funeral, one is not required. I think my parents will not have one, which is good because I don't want an obituary or service. They have a story for their friends and our extended family that all is lovey-dovey.

Get this.... My parents chose to stop speaking to me many years ago for calling out abuse, they told me goodbye, included their pets in the signature. But a couple years ago, my mother used a 30-year old photo of her and I as her Facebook profile photo, getting all these likes and comments, including a comment from the woman who threw the function. My mother replied, "We still thank you for it." I assume an obit or funeral would be quite inconvenient for them. In fact my being gone is more to their advantage.

Edit: In answer to your question about not admitting ctb, it is very common. A boyfriend in HS ctb'd by gunshot. His family said he had a brain clot that caused it. My dad was a death investigator, his response was that of course there are clots of blood at the scene. He said blaming another cause and scapegoating are also common in ctbs. I was scapegoated by peers.

I'm in the same boat I was cut out for pointing out some abuse and I feel so alone now without support and isolation and being cut off from my home and my cat and my family I feel like my family will cover this up too when I die. Say they loved me did everything they possibly could when they haven't seen me for months I was alone on all the holidays and my birthday and have separated me from my friends and my beloved cat which I'm pretty sure they gave away she's my everything without her I don't feel like I have obligations to live. But when I die they're either going to ignore it not going to have a funeral etc or make up elaborate stories that they were the best parents stories and they did everything to try to help but there was nothing they could do

 

[mesohappy]

I don't know anyone that happened to as far as CTB,but yeah its possible to avoid a funeral.Niether of my grandparents had any funeral services when they passed away...They stated before they passed that they didn't want anything,just to be cremated and the family obliged(though a few weren't happy about it).Later on the immediate family had a small private dinner/gathering for each of them in their memory.When I ctb Im going to do likewise.Funerals are a pain in the ass anyway..Besides I doubt anyone would come for mine.

 

[squirtsoda]

Yes a former coworker and friend of mine CTB a couple months ago and his family refused to do a service of any kind

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Funerals are a pain in the ass anyway.

Yup. Funerals are for the living. And the living are generally a pain in the ass.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

My family doesn't do funerals. I certainly don't want one, and no one would come anyway. Most of my family would happily help me mix up the SN!

I am going to request that my husband inform anyone that asks that "cardiac arrest" was the cause of my death. He hates lying, but most deaths involve cardiac arrest.

Quite a few people would otherwise say that my ctb was just "attention seeking/drama". I just want to catch the bus and not have anyone notice.

 

[k75]

Is it possible to avoid a funeral?

Of course. Funerals aren't required. But you can't really control what your family decides to do after you're gone. I'm not sure if you can legally prevent a funeral, but I guess you could try.

 

[escapefromabuse]

My dad was well known and respected in our community. We've told everyone it was his heart and leave it at that. There's enough people that know the truth that the rumor mill is in full operation though.

 

[mukluk0713]

Yeah, most CTBs that have occurred in my state, the family covers it up and says it was something else. I've rarely seen where they've avoided a funeral, but frankly the funeral industry is a racket anyways. It is ridiculous how expensive they are and I've indicated to all my next of kin that I do not want them to bother paying for something so extraneous when most of them didn't care about me while I was alive anyways. One of my relatives had a very simple, bare bones funeral and it still ran the family around 8,000 dollars. Ridiculous.

Also, to those who have come out about abuse and had their family turn on them, I am so sorry for you all. I have had a similar experience and have found that many family members find it easier to demonize the victim than accept the truth and take on the rest of the family. It is so sad how weak and cowardly people can be. Especially with your pets, how absolutely childish and ridiculous. I'm infuriated for you. I wish you all peace and am sending you love.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I knew a former coworker that ctb with gun to the chest. No funeral or anything for him. But I've known people that didn't ctb and no funeral held because they just didn't want one.

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

My dad was well known and respected in our community. We've told everyone it was his heart and leave it at that. There's enough people that know the truth that the rumor mill is in full operation though.

It's plausible enough that it would fool some people. I'm pretty sure heart disease is still the leading cause of death, at least in America. By the way, nice Hicks reference.

 

[escapefromabuse]

It's plausible enough that it would fool some people. I'm pretty sure heart disease is still the leading cause of death, at least in America. By the way, nice Hicks reference.

Yeah most people believe it without question. And yeah I'm a huge Tool fan. "There's no such thing as death..."

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

Yeah most people believe it without question. And yeah I'm a huge Tool fan. "There's no such thing as death..."

Yeah, I'm a fan of both Hicks and Tool, so that song is a match made in heaven for me, but I digress . . .

 

[BipolarExpat]

Yeah most people believe it without question. And yeah I'm a huge Tool fan. "There's no such thing as death..."

Yeah, I'm a fan of both Hicks and Tool, so that song is a match made in heaven for me, but I digress . . .

One more digression:

"If there were no desire to heal
the damaged and broken met along
this tedious path I've chosen here

I certainly would've walked away by now

And I still may, I still may"

 

[escapefromabuse]

One more digression:

"If there were no desire to heal
the damaged and broken met along
this tedious path I've chosen here

I certainly would've walked away by now

And I still may, I still may"

Maynard and Tool are musical geniuses.

 

[faust]

I never heard about such people but you can state in the note that you do not want the funeral and it is your final wish. Or if you want, you can be cremated. Or simply never found. But the last thing is more complicated and requires a good plan

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

It's plausible enough that it would fool some people. I'm pretty sure heart disease is still the leading cause of death, at least in America. By the way, nice Hicks reference.

I don't know if I know that reference

 

[NextBusLeaving]

Yes. A friend of mine. And his parents did the same thing. Sprinkled his ashes after and not even an obituary. Poof. Just like that he was gone.

 

[NotWhatIExpected]

Yes. A friend of mine. And his parents did the same thing. Sprinkled his ashes after and not even an obituary. Poof. Just like that he was gone.

As dumb as it is it's technically illegal at least in some places (although that might just be in like national parks or at the beach)

I feel like that would be easy to clandestinely do, though

Plus idk how aggressively they'd really deal with you if you got caught

That's a reassuring thought though, I think I'd like that

Particularly as you don't even have to use anything expensive as an urn

 

[bananabear]

Or refused to admit the real cause of death? There were suspicions in my school that one of my classmates died of suicide. He was a stoner kid, real weird but cool and the other hand. One day he just disappeared and the parents said he drop out and didn't want to attend school and moved as exchange student abroad but it seemed strange that he also broke up from a few friends and never talked to them again.

Sorry for replying to this so late, but thats almost exactly what i (genuinely) did back in high school. i switched to another school further away, then about 6 months later went abroad as an exchange student. it was actually planned out, but i ended up not telling any of my close friends (or anyone else for that matter) until one of them called me when i didnt show up to something important at school. I wonder sometimes if i worried some ppl, but i think aside from the one close friend i thnk no one cared lol. had she not reached out, id never have spoken to anyone from that school again. to me it just seemed easier to disappear quietly than getting attention from people curious about ur plans. im not suggesting thats what happened but its a possibility