N
noname223
Archangel
- Aug 18, 2020
- 5,001
My suicidal thoughts are also caused by my OCD. It is often the sentence "I gonna kill myself" which I repeat. I think this has something to do with my mania or psychosis. When I am depressed I repeat something I told to some professionals. "I read books from people who have committed suicide. I visit suicide forums. And I am planning my own suicide." It sounded kind of dramatic. I am ambivalent what I think about that. Sometimes this thought comforts me because I think I gonna die anyway and I don't need to be scared about the present so much. I can still commit suicide when life turns hell again. On the other side I am kind of scared. I am scared that this is a self-fulfilling prohecy and I can't escape my fate suicide. I have very diametrical thoughts on that.
When I tend to become manic I repeat other thoughts. Like today. They are more focused to induce mania and ecstasy. (I don't mean the drug...) I always repeat moments when I have presented myself as very intelligent and extraordinary. I know this is quite pathetic but it is related to the bullying I have experienced.
Many of these repeating thoughts are caused by OCD. Others from my tendency to become psychotic. ( I analyze conversations a lot. Some of them are even years ago but not so many...) And on top of that it probably also has to do with my mania/major depression. Lol. I am such a wreck. But today I feel better. Probably because I am more or less on the edge of a new mania. It is quite dangerous.
Thanks for reading.
When I tend to become manic I repeat other thoughts. Like today. They are more focused to induce mania and ecstasy. (I don't mean the drug...) I always repeat moments when I have presented myself as very intelligent and extraordinary. I know this is quite pathetic but it is related to the bullying I have experienced.
Many of these repeating thoughts are caused by OCD. Others from my tendency to become psychotic. ( I analyze conversations a lot. Some of them are even years ago but not so many...) And on top of that it probably also has to do with my mania/major depression. Lol. I am such a wreck. But today I feel better. Probably because I am more or less on the edge of a new mania. It is quite dangerous.
Thanks for reading.