Discussion Do you hate yourself and/or your body or do you actually feel pity for yourself?

[Darkhaven]

I seem to feel both ways in waves.
Sometimes i hate my body for being weak and having failed me by giving me a disease such as the one i have while at such a young age. I also hate my mind for being so stupid and coward.
Then after these self hate episodes i normally feel bad for myself. Maybe my body and my mind aren't responsible for my failure? Maybe it's written in my genes that i am destined to be a miserable wretch of a human being?
By killing myself i'm actually making my body pay for something that it didn't have control of. It breaks the closest thing i have to a heart...

 

[Astral316]

You are anthropomorphizing your body and mind. They are unconscious facets of your self... so don't worry about destroying them unless you have a problem killing your self.

I sometimes pity myself but I won't be bothered by killing the body/mind because I think very little of myself/my life.

 

[Alexus]

I hate all my self. My body because I'm ugly, weak, small and I don't even have good health and I think all that might have contributed to my horrible personality I'm shy, coward, akward, stupid, worthless in general so eventually I ended hating all about my self.

 

[JimFord99]

I hate myself. I am an useless, non-achieving, good for nothing piece of shit. Never done anything good at all. I hat is why I want to die.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Good question. I pity myself far more than I hate myself. After all, if I had not been failed by those I was suppose to trust, I would not be here right now. Life really is all circumstantial and free will is an old, out-dated myth.

I'm sure this likely means nothing to you, but you really shouldn't hate yourself over what you've said.

 

[scorpiooo2]

I absolutely cannot stand myself and it pains me to look in the mirror some days. It's not that I think i'm ugly, it's that I don't think i'm pretty enough. I see all these beautiful people around me and on the internet and I just think of how bad I wish to look like them. I see what people refer to as beautiful and I know immediatly that i'm not that. But what we all have to come to terms with in our lives is that we cannot massively alter our appearance.

I hate myself for being silent also. I've got severe Social Anxiety so I never really talk to people and I prefer to stay quiet. In my opinion it's better to just to be silent because people are only either going to judge me or ignore me. It's always been that way and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I have no social life whatsoever and it makes me awfully sad but i'm too scared to socialize.

 

[Darkhaven]

I absolutely cannot stand myself and it pains me to look in the mirror some days. It's not that I think i'm ugly, it's that I don't think i'm pretty enough. I see all these beautiful people around me and on the internet and I just think of how bad I wish to look like them. I see what people refer to as beautiful and I know immediatly that i'm not that. But what we all have to come to terms with in our lives is that we cannot massively alter our appearance.

I hate myself for being silent also. I've got severe Social Anxiety so I never really talk to people and I prefer to stay quiet. In my opinion it's better to just to be silent because people are only either going to judge me or ignore me. It's always been that way and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I have no social life whatsoever and it makes me awfully sad but i'm too scared to socialize.

What you said describes me perfectly.

 

[mnjkl]

It's all written in your genes. Your personality and all the decisions that you make are the result of the genetic makeup of your brain combined with all the environmental factors induced on it. I mostly just hate nature, because even though your mind is capable of anything, nature can drag you down to the level of lesser animals.

 

[JimFord99]

Born to die, this would be a paradox to nature's purpose, but it happens so often. Makes me think that nature failed and not us.

 

[mathieu]

I both hate myself and have pity for myself. I'm overweight from taking antipsychotics so I hate my body. I hate that I can't just cope with life like a normal person and I hate my lack of achievement.

 

[JimFord99]

A lack of achievement is not a failure so you don't have to hate yourself for that. If you have not achieved anything, you have not. You don't need to. What for? Or who for? On the other side, not being able to cope with life, yes, I understand and can relate to it.

 

[k75]

This is a difficult question. My issues are aesthetic, I guess. I used to love my body. The way it looked naturally. Then I got cancer and had several botched surgeries that amputated parts and left me feeling hideous and mutilated. Now I look at myself, and while my face is the same, the rest of me is unrecognizable. I hate this version of my body.

I don't feel like my body let me down or anything like that. I don't blame it for getting sick. I don't feel sorry for myself, but I do feel crushing grief and loss and misery because of what happened to it.

 

[JimFord99]

This is a difficult question. My issues are aesthetic, I guess. I used to love my body. The way it looked naturally. Then I got cancer and had several botched surgeries that amputated parts and left me feeling hideous and mutilated. Now I look at myself, and while my face is the same, the rest of me is unrecognizable. I hate this version of my body.

I don't feel like my body let me down or anything like that. I don't blame it for getting sick. I don't feel sorry for myself, but I do feel crushing grief and loss and misery because of what happened to it.

The dreadful C word, totally understandable how you feel. Really, I do.

 

[blanketyblk]

I absolutely cannot stand myself and it pains me to look in the mirror some days. It's not that I think i'm ugly, it's that I don't think i'm pretty enough. I see all these beautiful people around me and on the internet and I just think of how bad I wish to look like them. I see what people refer to as beautiful and I know immediatly that i'm not that. But what we all have to come to terms with in our lives is that we cannot massively alter our appearance.

I hate myself for being silent also. I've got severe Social Anxiety so I never really talk to people and I prefer to stay quiet. In my opinion it's better to just to be silent because people are only either going to judge me or ignore me. It's always been that way and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I have no social life whatsoever and it makes me awfully sad but i'm too scared to socialize.

all most me to a tee. i'm almost always quite. i barely talk at work. unless someone ask me a direct question. and i almost never ever start a conversation or ever talk about my personal life at work.. just too hard.

This is a difficult question. My issues are aesthetic, I guess. I used to love my body. The way it looked naturally. Then I got cancer and had several botched surgeries that amputated parts and left me feeling hideous and mutilated. Now I look at myself, and while my face is the same, the rest of me is unrecognizable. I hate this version of my body.

f-cancer. I'm so sorry you have gone though that. i also had cancer and i have a scar from my breasts down to my groin and then across until the middle of back. it looks like i was dissected. I've always been so embarrassed by it and feel hideous if anyone even catches a glimpse of it

 

[spanishguy22]

I dont hate myself I hate the cruel World I spawned in, its reigning species and my horrible luck in childhood.

I was skinny and shy as a kid which made me weak and that did impact me to keep me from fighting jackasses and chose to just ignore them which doesnt feel good (im very quick to anger at injustice) . If only I had had a normal or strong build genetically things would have been different.

I hate that I was unlucky with those qualities but theres literally no reason to hate myself. I always did me as best as I could even if I did fuck up my life but I was just a kid that didnt know better.

 

[Mr2005]

I hate myself so much for what I've done which was to just feel sorry for myself and throw my life away. This is different, I don't deserve pity. I go some way towards making up for it by thinking of others instead but it'll never be enough

 

[c824767]

I hate myself for all the ugly things I might have caused by simply being alive and feel sorry for myself that I am in such a bad situation. I am getting old and ugly and feel my time is over. It all adds up to ctb.

 

[Fallen_From_Grace]

Both. Mostly hatred but I pity that I wasn't given a fair chance and was destroyed mentally far before I should have been. A 6 year old shouldn't have been considering how to "disappear"

 

[porfin1234]

Hate self. I loved myself for the first time last year (had glimpses anyway) because I was kicking ass being productive etc. Then fell apart when started new job(s) and back to lazy run from problems destroy everything around me. But this time I really messed up and can't go back.

 

[Thereisnothing]

No I dont hate myself or my body, even though my body has so much wrong with it physically and daily life is so hard. Its not my fault I have so many illnesses and my body is the way it is, so for me to hate my body would be a sad thing, like punishing myself for it being that way. I try and be kind to my body because of it. I dont feel pity for myself, someone very wise once said 'self pity is like quick sand, it gets you nowhere fast'. So when I feel so low and pity may start to creep in, I pull myself up and say 'no'. Its not easy believe me and when very low, everything else tends to take over.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

No I dont hate myself or my body, even though my body has so much wrong with it physically and daily life is so hard. Its not my fault I have so many illnesses and my body is the way it is, so for me to hate my body would be a sad thing, like punishing myself for it being that way. I try and be kind to my body because of it. I dont feel pity for myself, someone very wise once said 'self pity is like quick sand, it gets you nowhere fast'. So when I feel so low and pity may start to creep in, I pull myself up and say 'no'. Its not easy believe me and when very low, everything else tends to take over.

This is really inspiring.

Are you still planning to CTB, or is it something that comes in waves?

 

[Thereisnothing]

This is really inspiring.

Are you still planning to CTB, or is it something that comes in waves?

It comes in waves. I always feel I dont wish to be around anymore as there is so much suffering for me, but I am not constantly focused on CTB, the urges comes and goes. When it does come the urges to go, then its a whirlwind again trying to work out what method I would use and I dont have one figured out and unless I do I wouldn't even contemplate going ahead with taking my life. I say this because would be done in haste and could be all kinds of consequences and i would be worse off than am now. I try and always keep being kind to myself and at same time urge myself to keep going, its hard, so very hard to do when you are so low and life means nothing. I am quite good at giving myself a talking to, so think that helps alot of the time.

 

[BabyYoda]

I wish I were at least attractive enough to you know, find love. The majority of people in college are beautiful so I wouldn't be surprised if no one chooses me.

My friend called me out for being too self-pitying and it scared me to not open up to him anymore.

 

[Thatdude]

Yes I hate myself. I hate how I'm autistic. How it's hard to just get through an interview, to find someone, and so on.
I hate myself because I made stupid choices in the past which ended me up where I'm at. Choices like going after unobtainable careers when I was younger, making a choice to not have friends, making a choice to not give it my all when needed, and making a choice to think I can beat the system.

I believe I'm my worst enemy. I'm just sadly to the point in my life where I'm somewhat mature enough to know when I'm fucking up ahead of time at times, but I'm also smart enough to know how screwed I am.

As far as how I look. No I don't hate myself for that. Like I don't think it makes a difference in my case.

 

[Mizzmini45]

This is a difficult question. My issues are aesthetic, I guess. I used to love my body. The way it looked naturally. Then I got cancer and had several botched surgeries that amputated parts and left me feeling hideous and mutilated. Now I look at myself, and while my face is the same, the rest of me is unrecognizable. I hate this version of my body.

I don't feel like my body let me down or anything like that. I don't blame it for getting sick. I don't feel sorry for myself, but I do feel crushing grief and loss and misery because of what happened to it.

Gosh this got me chocked up