Yes I absolutely hate it so, so, so much. I have never been able to relate to the "normies" who are so happy and proud of themselves for continuing to live despite their suicidal thoughts. I hate myself for still being here after all these years. I've been suicidal since I was 9. I was supposed to be dead extremely long ago, but I am a pathetic coward who just can't bring myself to do it. Every single fucking year without fail, I'm like "this will be my last Christmas," "this will be my last birthday," etc. only to continue to stay alive. I am so fucking sick of this. I really wish there was a pro-choice therapist I could talk to who could help me overcome my anxiety about finally taking the plunge and committing suicide once and for all. But sadly, due to the stupid pro-life world we live in, the kind of therapy I need doesn't exist. I am so sick of wanting death so badly yet being too afraid to do it. I hate my body and brain for giving me survival instinct and I hate living in this shitty pro-life world where we have to resort to undignifying, horrific, and terrifying things to end our suffering.