Discussion Do you guys think love is possible when you're mentally ill?

[cylus46]

Im a handsome guy. Not to say in like a cocky or narcissistic way. I just put a lot of effort into my body,skin, and hair and I'm happy with my body for the most part.

I have had opportunities to get with wonderful women but I felt as my mental illnesses would harm them in ways I cannot be OK with. I'm depressed, my therapist thinks I have bpd, I'm angry, I just feel like they deserve someone that's normal...or at the very least...ok.

I do well at hiding my problems and making sure they don't effect my partner, I've done it before to great success but still-
It just nags in my mind and I feel unworthy of the love I crave so badly.

I don't know I guess I want to hear this from others POV :(

 

[monetpompo]

possible? yes. healthy? depends. i feel like my mental illness being bpd and a fearful-avoidant attachment makes me the worst, worst partner a person could have. i feel like my partner would hate me constantly and i would be worried that they would hate me no matter what i did. i love people a lot but i feel too jealous of others and like too much of a husk of a person to accept love and feel love.

I have had opportunities to get with wonderful women but I felt as my mental illnesses would harm them in ways I cannot be OK with.

this is the most important part. do you think you would hurt your partner with the symptoms of your mental illnesses? maybe the thought that you do holds you back, but if you know you could hurt people, then you may not be ready to date. that's how i feel. i'm just not really as whole of a person as someone that isn't shackled down by despair all the time.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

mental illness makes relationships harder but it doesn't make them impossible or anything <3
i know a girl who has all of the cluster b disorders and some more other ones and is in a happy relationship

 

[person2]

Im a handsome guy. Not to say in like a cocky or narcissistic way. I just put a lot of effort into my body,skin, and hair and I'm happy with my body for the most part.

I have had opportunities to get with wonderful women but I felt as my mental illnesses would harm them in ways I cannot be OK with. I'm depressed, my therapist thinks I have bpd, I'm angry, I just feel like they deserve someone that's normal...or at the very least...ok.

I do well at hiding my problems and making sure they don't effect my partner, I've done it before to great success but still-
It just nags in my mind and I feel unworthy of the love I crave so badly.

I don't know I guess I want to hear this from others POV :(

Sure man. If you're self aware enough to worry then you deserve it. Just work on it. Don't expect it to be easy. You'll do great.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

YMMV. It helps to be upfront with it, but I think it takes the right person who is 'compatible' with your issues, and/or willing to learn how to handle them. On the flip side, you should be on top of coping and treatment as much as you can; having a support system or even just a secondary person outside your partner who is reliable is always a bonus, as it can simply be too much for one person after a point.

I'm disabled by my illness(es), but I'm (happily enough) married now to someone who accepts the raw and messy truth of all that comes with it. He has had his own decade-long and ongoing mental health struggles, but deems the highs with me high enough to take the lows too; and he's not the first. I have been in multiple relationships and/or loved & supported by multiple people.

They're out there, imo, and everyone is deserving of love. One, two, three failures don't define it if or when they happen. It's harder as a mentally ill person, but it still becomes a matter of whether you find someone worth working it out with. That's true for both people.

I think there's no harm in going for it if you're on the same page about expectations and feelings; it'll be effort, but when it works out, it's very rewarding and, in my experience, can be a positive tether to life.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Maybe you should look into attachment theory and healing complex trauma. It's completely possible to change your own attachment style and to learn how to regulate your nervous system. Whoever says "BPD" are doing you a disservice - an increasing amount of clinicians are discarding that vile diagnosis.

 

[Cirno]

Personally, I have a little more dark view on that (just like for everything basically lmao). Problems with mental health are really a significant thing in relationships, and I think that our partner should know about our illness beforehand, since it's the essential of building a healthy and honest relation. Personally I don't think it's not possible, but for sure: a lot harder than when you would be "normal". I had bad experiences with relationships with mentally unstable/ill people and a lot of people had bad experiences with relationship with me. I know both perspectives here. It's really hurting when you see someone that is unstable in their head. You need a lot of patience, empathy and determination to be with someone like that. It reminds me of having a kid lmao, you have to sort of take care of yourself AND your partner sometimes. On the other hand- when you're the one mentally unstable, it's hard sometimes to keep this relationship in good terms. I have various problems with mental myself, and being with someone causes me getting into some kind of psychotic episode when I become literally unbearable to my partner, so I chose to not have one.

Overall- you need to ask both yourself and your partner about that. Ask yourself if being with someone makes you more happy, if it makes your life more bearable, if you love someone. Ask your partner- if they feel comfortable with you, tell them what makes you feel better, and what makes them feel better. One word- talk. Talking with each other makes everything better. Always be honest.

 

[wantingdignity]

It's possible!! I think there's a lot of overlap with mental illness and addiction recovery here.

For a healthy relationship, I think it's important to have clear and negotiable boundaries and to develop them over time. It's important to treat the mental illness as something that can have power over you and to continually do what you need to in order to prevent it from happening. People in addiction recovery have sponsors; it would be good to have people outside of the relationship to rely on for support (therapist, support group, doctor, friends that are aware of your struggles, etc). You don't need to hide your problems, and it is possible to express anger in a healthy way.

 

[bankai]

No, no, no. No. You have a very serious issue that you need to deal with and solve before you bring Someone else into it?You won't just be bringing someone else into your own suffering, you will also have to partake of their suffering as well. That's what relationships are. You're both bringing all the personal baggage onto each other.Wanting to get into a relationship when you're ill is just selfish and cruel.

I've actually never posted my opinion on this before. Half the threads over here are about people wanting to ctb over relationships. So I never voice my opinion over there since it would be rude to the thread starter. However, since you have directly asked the question, I'm saying it here.

 

[Someplace_nice]

I went into a relationship when I was suicidal, it's made some unhealthy attachments between my husband and I to this day. We could never be happier tho, neither one of us is suicidal anymore, we have problems that we are working on. As long as you can acknowledge your problems, weather your partner told you or you know about it, you can make that change. If you could make that change before you get into a relationship is also good, it's harder to work on your mental health than your face and body. There will be times when you just wanna give up, but when you can make your partner laugh just by being you or even when you can see them falling deeper in love with just by being you, it's all worth it. My husband and I are by no mean "healed" we both still suffer with deep depression, he has a lot to work on mostly, (bc he's a guy that was taught to hold in his emotions). Think about what you think would hurt your partner more and try to work on that's, you won't see results but you'll know when you've changed.

 

[cylus46]

possible? yes. healthy? depends. i feel like my mental illness being bpd and a fearful-avoidant attachment makes me the worst, worst partner a person could have. i feel like my partner would hate me constantly and i would be worried that they would hate me no matter what i did. i love people a lot but i feel too jealous of others and like too much of a husk of a person to accept love and feel love.



this is the most important part. do you think you would hurt your partner with the symptoms of your mental illnesses? maybe the thought that you do holds you back, but if you know you could hurt people, then you may not be ready to date. that's how i feel. i'm just not really as whole of a person as someone that isn't shackled down by despair all the time.

I was in a relationship even with my mental health issues. And my ex treated me like shit which caused me to become anorexic and drink. But still I never made it her problem nor did I show it.
My love is a almost worship type, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I ever hurt my partner for x y or z reasons. But at the same time. The thought that "what if I slip" and "what if she sees me for the person I really am"
Is what scares me.

Maybe you should look into attachment theory and healing complex trauma. It's completely possible to change your own attachment style and to learn how to regulate your nervous system. Whoever says "BPD" are doing you a disservice - an increasing amount of clinicians are discarding that vile diagnosis.

I wish. Problem is a lot of my issues stem from 20 years of trauma and neglect and it's very hard even for my therapist to pin point my exact issue because there isn't one exact thing that causes me to be the way i am and think the way I do. It was a mututude of events that all stacked up over my entire life and being 20 now I have only just escape that constant truama and now im not actively in a bad situation but my brain isnt regestering it and according to my therapist it's all changed the way my brain processes things even after the truama has ended.

Funny enough I learned this even before therapy thanks to an episode of Steven Universe future where a character had the exact same issue in the episode. Going to therapy and my therapist repeating the same diagnosis for me was something that got a chuckle out of me.

Maybe you should look into attachment theory and healing complex trauma. It's completely possible to change your own attachment style and to learn how to regulate your nervous system. Whoever says "BPD" are doing you a disservice - an increasing amount of clinicians are discarding that vile diagnosis.

I wish. Problem is a lot of my issues stem from 20 years of trauma and neglect and it's very hard even for my therapist to pin point my exact issue because there isn't one exact thing that causes me to be the way i am and think the way I do. It was a mututude of events that all stacked up over my entire life and being 20 now I have only just escape that constant truama and now im not actively in a bad situation but my brain isnt regestering it and according to my therapist it's all changed the way my brain processes things even after the truama has ended.

Funny enough I learned this even before therapy thanks to an episode of Steven Universe future where a character had the exact same issue in the episode. Going to therapy and my therapist repeating the same diagnosis for me was something that got a chuckle out of me.

 

[StupidCat]

Anything is possible with the power of love

 

[rembleeds]

Im a handsome guy. Not to say in like a cocky or narcissistic way. I just put a lot of effort into my body,skin, and hair and I'm happy with my body for the most part.

I have had opportunities to get with wonderful women but I felt as my mental illnesses would harm them in ways I cannot be OK with. I'm depressed, my therapist thinks I have bpd, I'm angry, I just feel like they deserve someone that's normal...or at the very least...ok.

I do well at hiding my problems and making sure they don't effect my partner, I've done it before to great success but still-
It just nags in my mind and I feel unworthy of the love I crave so badly.

I don't know I guess I want to hear this from others POV :(

Yes. Is it ethical? Maybe, maybe not.

I feel immense guilt for ever getting with my partner because I know I hurt him when I'm not doing great. I know how much he's been hurt in the past and I don't want to make things worse. I know my death will crush him.

And yet, everyone deserves love (except the absolute degenerates of mankind), so I don't think there's anything wrong with us folk seeking love. We are communal creatures at the end of the day.