Discussion Do you guys ever trigger yourself on purpose?

[neverwashere]

Sometimes I feel fine and as close to "normal" as I possibly can be, but then I'll go out of my way to somehow remind myself how miserable I am, usually by purposefully triggering myself and making myself want to cut (which I usually end up doing). Does anyone else do this or am I a new type of crazy?

 

[Death is my goal]

I don't cut so can't relate

 

[deciduous]

we all have pain here, but I guess maybe the point of being here is so you don't have to feel strange or alone for it. You're definitely neither neverwashere. Sometimes when we know there's a part of us that's deeply fucked up and waiting to hurt us, but sometimes it shows its face and sometimes it doesn't, the worst part can be the mystery and anticipation of just not knowing when it'll happen. Taking control by forcibly bringing your pain to the surface is so natural. I have so many rituals and acts for exactly this. Take care <3

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sometimes when I feel bad, I'll trigger myself to feel worse. The other night, I put on the film: 'Requiem for a Dream'. I find that film so upsetting. I tend to need to already feel upset to watch it though.

I don't exactly sabotage a good mood on the rare occasions I have one but it troubles me. I certainly don't trust it.

 

[Seered Doom]

Sometimes because I don't deserve to feel happiness, digital self harm and even good old irl self harm scratches that itch

 

[LetMeBeSad]

Whenever I am doing good I start listening to music that depresses me. I don't think I deserve happiness most of the time. My life should be in constant chaos. Because if I have any time to stop and think, all I can think about is the numerous ways in which this life is a giant pile of bullshit.

 

[Wouldpecker]

I do this often. It feels deserved. Like some sort of justice. I am shit and I get incredibly frustrated by how much I suck, so I punish myself. I'm living with the person I hate the most, and I get to hurt him as much as I want whenever I want. I don't physically self-harm but it's always good to remind myself how inadequate I am. It's good. Really helps get out the frustration.

 

[neverwashere]

Sometimes because I don't deserve to feel happiness, digital self harm and even good old irl self harm scratches that itch

I think this is why I do it too. I have to remind myself that I don't deserve to be happy by making myself miserable since that's what I feel I deserve

 

[sensenmann]

Yes, sometimes I am really motivated to get better, but then I don't identify with myself anymore, like I am desperately trying to be be someone I'm not, so back to normal.