Discussion Do you give yourself one last chance?

[tuto170]

Hi, my depression has gone since i switched my medication, but my suicide ideation has not stopped completely. Because as some of you know, I have schizophrenia and I have said and done some things i feel not only akward, but also shameful that have hurt many my beloved friends and family members. I recently had a relapse and stayed 10 weeks in a mental hospital. My meds have been changed and I no longer suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, but schizophrenia stops me being full citizen and as a person. I recently started a job at full time, but it is too difficult and makes me tired, so I am moving part time. I still live with my mom and minimum wage is really low in my country, like 4 EUR/an hour. So working part time I would have just enough to pay for cigarettes and have only around 120EUR to spend. I have met a lot of mentally ill people that has been moved to care home, because they can not support themselves financially and this is what I am afraid of. So I have given myself one last chance, I mean conditions - If i won't be able to work even part time - I will definitely ctb, doesnt matter how but I will. So I have given myself one more chance, but I still often think of CTB.

 

[NationalistKorean]

Unless miracle happens likely no. And I swear I'm the most unluckiest human on earth so I bet a miracle is happening.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I gave myself so so many last chances. I have tried everything. Depending on the news I get soon I will probably give myself no more chances and just ctb.

 

[death137]

No

 

[MYStERY_Man]

I'm giving myself plenty of chances. Current goal is to score a public job to get some financial stability and assure a reasonable work-life balance. Meanwhile, I'm trying to become a competent poker player to get myself though a second Bachelor (until I get an internship) if I don't get that job by the end of 2021/2022. After either of those, I'm open to therapy and don't mind trying alternative stuff (like ayahuasca rituals or whatever).

Saying that, just yesterday I had a noose around my neck, so there is a chance I won't make it there (and I'm okay with that).

 

[Caspers]

This is my last chance. I'm changing my approach to therapy and we are going to try some things. I've got a referral to a psychiatrist and that may help a bit. I'm giving myself a year or two to see whether recovery is possible, although a part of me doesn't want me to get better. But I do have my SN and most of the other things needed for it. So if I have a really bad day, poof

 

[Mm80]

So many times. As for me ctb is the ultimate act. I will need to be at peace that i have done everything i can first. Having said that sonetimes i think that si and fear of death give my mind false hope because as humans we are programmed to survive.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm exhausting all my options before ctb. Right now, I'm on a change of meds so hopefully they work. If they don't and I'm still suicidal, I'll try ECT or TMS. If that doesn't work, I'll try acid or shrooms. If that doesn't work, I'll go to long term facility for therapy. Finally if that doesn't work, I'll seriously look into ctb

 

[BPD Barbie]

I've given myself tens of chances, if not more, but my back is constantly against the wall and I'm constantly cornered. I keep fighting but the ultimate ending that I always come back to is to ctb. I hope that you're able to keep fighting OP and make something of yourself. It's good the meds are working and that you're able to work, even only part time. Maybe in time you could increase your hours gradually to full time. Keep up the fight, sending love

 

[LenkaX]

Since my 21 I've already postponed my CTB like 1000 times. But now I have nearly everything for the Amitriptyline method which I hope will be painless. I will do it asap.

 

[Sweet Release]

Yes I keep giving myself a new chance to rebuild and make something of my life.
I am so tired though I don't want to keep trying anymore.

 

[zeroshark]

the question for me would be "one last chance for what?" if there was one last chance for me to live without this kind of pain, i would take it, but that would require me to undo a litany of past choices and mistakes i have no hope of undoing without time travel. the only chances i have dont offer relief for me or those around me, so dont strike me as much of a chance at all.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i don't deserve another chance, nor do i want one. i consider myself a lost cause.

 

[Friend_A]

i tried but still things did not go my way and now i have no faith in this world