Discussion Do you ever think of telling anyone?

[Oozzy]

I told my only friend about my plan. Now I dont have any friends. I'm not gonna tell anyone again.

 

[BandAddict]

The thought crosses my mind pretty frequently. I feel horrible for thinking that, because it makes me feel like a fraud, and I definitely don't want to seem like I'm just seeking attention for shits and giggles. I'm really scared, honestly. I know that my next attempt might very well be my last, and I wish I could share that fear with someone and reach out, but that would fuck everything up for me. So, I'm in a tug-of-war with that, like I should and shouldn't.

I really like my social worker, and he's managed to get more out of me than I'd have liked. Luckily he doesn't know enough to have to intervene. I wish I could tell him, but I've felt around enough with questions and theoretical conversations to know that I'd be in trouble if I did.

 

[smithy]

Honestly most people in my surroundings are useless.
the couple of times I have talked about my thoughts people come up with poster phrases. Or the typical: oh no, don't say. Don't talk like that...

Useless!

 

[goingrealsoon]

Do you ever think about telling anyone about your ctb plans?

I am scared as hell of someone realising what I'm planning, and actually asking about it or trying to talk me out of it. But at the same time, it feels like it would be so comforting to speak to someone close about it and have them understand and accept my choice.

What are your thoughts/experiences with that?

I have been fortunate to have been speaking with a trusted friend for the last week. He has been, I think, dutifully calling me daily and has been a huge help in many ways. I am caught in a delema I don't see any way out of except by ctb. He has been compassionately been there, listening and honoring my choice, even though he would prefer I don't, he does understand why. He has given me some resources that I have been exploring, even though I do not think they will adequetly obviate my delema. Still, I would not even have tried exploring any of either his suggested resources or even considered another possibility. At this point I am set up and ready to ctb, but I look forward to his call more than anything else. I hope you can find a trusted someone to confide in that will compassionately listen to you without urging you to alter your plans. Still, they may have suggestions you have not considered and that may be worth hearing. It is a great relief to confide in someone.

 

[FuneralCry]

This is never a good idea for me. This is why it is good to have this website as in real life there would be constant monitoring and it would be hard to go through with the act if I told someone. It is better to write a note explaining the reasons for after the CTB.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I'm pretty sure most people who have known me for a while always have that in the back of their minds, so, no need to.

 

[charcoalcat]

"Very quietly I take my leave
As quietly as I came here;
Gently I flick my sleeves
Not even a wisp of cloud will I bring away"

 

[life-eternal]

I have told my family and it only made it worse. I agree that it is best to keep CTB plans to yourself. The only thing you will get out of it is a brief moment of release and comfort. The damage is already done, no point in me talking about it. just my 2 cents

 

[Aeathelina]

I've made no efforts to hide that I don't enjoy life in the slightest and that any given time I could not be here anymore.
They don't take it seriously because their mentality is that if I was serious about it then I would already be dead and not sitting here at 26.
Last time I told someone I had a crisis worker sent to my house and it did nothing because there wasn't any beds open at the nearby facility and hospitals only do 48hr holdings and I don't have insurance...so pass. Once I can get my binging under control than I plan to starve myself

 

[hahabye]

I have been fortunate to have been speaking with a trusted friend for the last week. He has been, I think, dutifully calling me daily and has been a huge help in many ways. I am caught in a delema I don't see any way out of except by ctb. He has been compassionately been there, listening and honoring my choice, even though he would prefer I don't, he does understand why. He has given me some resources that I have been exploring, even though I do not think they will adequetly obviate my delema. Still, I would not even have tried exploring any of either his suggested resources or even considered another possibility. At this point I am set up and ready to ctb, but I look forward to his call more than anything else. I hope you can find a trusted someone to confide in that will compassionately listen to you without urging you to alter your plans. Still, they may have suggestions you have not considered and that may be worth hearing. It is a great relief to confide in someone.

I am so glad to hear you have someone to talk to about this. people who understand and accept suicidal people seem to be so rare. And he even makes you wait for his call! That's wonderful, to have someone like that. Good that you're keeping an open mind regarding other possibilities. And even if they don't help, it must be so nice to have someone to turn to and talk about ctb compared to having to face it alone.

This is never a good idea for me. This is why it is good to have this website as in real life there would be constant monitoring and it would be hard to go through with the act if I told someone. It is better to write a note explaining the reasons for after the CTB.

Sad how true that is... I wish there was a possibility to talk about it before (without being judged, committed, etc.) rather than just going through all of this experience alone and only expressing oneself in a note

I have told my family and it only made it worse. I agree that it is best to keep CTB plans to yourself. The only thing you will get out of it is a brief moment of release and comfort. The damage is already done, no point in me talking about it. just my 2 cents

How was it, telling your family? Couldn't have been easy. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell my family. My mom have witnessed one of my attempts and she must have chosen not to ever mention it again for a reason...

 

[Sprite_Geist]

No. Absolutely never. Given just how much stigma there still is against wanting to end your own life - that admitting to being suicidal is itself character suicide, it is an easy way to become rejected.

Even if this was not true I would still not open up about the way I am feeling just because I am quiet, and prefer to keep my life to myself - mostly.

 

[hahabye]

I've made no efforts to hide that I don't enjoy life in the slightest and that any given time I could not be here anymore.
They don't take it seriously because their mentality is that if I was serious about it then I would already be dead and not sitting here at 26.
Last time I told someone I had a crisis worker sent to my house and it did nothing because there wasn't any beds open at the nearby facility and hospitals only do 48hr holdings and I don't have insurance...so pass. Once I can get my binging under control than I plan to starve myself

Oh gosh, that sounds very harsh... Not being taken seriously probably feels as terrible as being committed against their will feels for the others.

And the system... Unbelievable... Nobody seems to know what they're doing when it comes to mental health and suicide.

I'm sorry you are

I've made no efforts to hide that I don't enjoy life in the slightest and that any given time I could not be here anymore.
They don't take it seriously because their mentality is that if I was serious about it then I would already be dead and not sitting here at 26.
Last time I told someone I had a crisis worker sent to my house and it did nothing because there wasn't any beds open at the nearby facility and hospitals only do 48hr holdings and I don't have insurance...so pass. Once I can get my binging under control than I plan to starve myself

Oh gosh, that sounds very harsh... Not being taken seriously probably feels as terrible as being committed against their will feels for the others.

And the system... Unbelievable... Nobody seems to know what they're doing when it comes to mental health and suicide.

I'm sorry you are going through this alone

 

[iDieUDie80]

I told some friends on Discord about it a couple of weeks ago or so and one of them told my sister, and it was related to my mom and it's just annoying. I'm sure I do it to get reactions out of people, or because I'm unsure about my plans myself. Telling people about your plan is generally not a good idea, from your perspective, because they are definitely going to stop you.

 

[hahabye]

No. Absolutely never. Given just how much stigma there still is against wanting to end your own life - that admitting to being suicidal is itself character suicide, it is an easy way to become rejected.

Even if this was not true I would still not open up about the way I am feeling just because I am quiet, and prefer to keep my life to myself - mostly.

So sad how much stigma there still is around this topic! People have been ctbing probably since the beginning of the humanity and still, we can't even talk about it.

I am the same way, I don't express myself that much. But it's not always easy keeping things to yourself. Hope you're doing alright

 

[Sprite_Geist]

So sad how much stigma there still is around this topic! People have been ctbing probably since the beginning of the humanity and still, we can't even talk about it.

I am the same way, I don't express myself that much. But it's not always easy keeping things to yourself. Hope you're doing alright

Yes, and it is likely that it will remain a hidden topic for a long time.

And thank you for asking.

 

[goingrealsoon]

I have told my family and it only made it worse. I agree that it is best to keep CTB plans to yourself. The only thing you will get out of it is a brief moment of release and comfort. The damage is already done, no point in me talking about it. just my 2 cents

I appreciate that. Your 2 cents is more valuable for me. I have written an opus for them to try and release them from self blame, appreciate them, and make them aware of my challenges.

 

[onthelastday]

I've already said a few phrases like "I never wanted to be born" or "I don't like life" near my mother, but I had to hear that "if you think life is bad, just change it", on my social networks full of suicidal phrases, but I never talked to anyone about it, I have no one, probably when I ctb, the things that were right in front of people will seem true, but I won't be here anymore, thankfully

 

[goingrealsoon]

I've already said a few phrases like "I never wanted to be born" or "I don't like life" near my mother, but I had to hear that "if you think life is bad, just change it", on my social networks full of suicidal phrases, but I never talked to anyone about it, I have no one, probably when I ctb, the things that were right in front of people will seem true, but I won't be here anymore, thankfully

It's a shame that the level of avoidance from those who do not experience dispair, depression, hopelessness, and meaninglessness is so very extreem. People prefer to go about thier days and in some sense of happy delusion. Anything else is a threat to that, and there is nothing in the culture that accomodates the alternative. Perhaps in poetry, a novel or film, one can touch into that abysmal emptiness; but to have it infuse them...well there is just nothing in the culture to prepare one for that level of honesty and disparity. So, people listen with high vaulted walls to protect them from the notion of oblivion and groundlessness. It's a place ordinary people shut out and avoid at all costs. That cost for us is having honest open dialogs with deep listening and compassionate people who, whilie they might not relate, may be effused with empathy. Knowing that there is at least the possibility of empathy for the plight of those of us who are tormented could be a comfort. However, that sort of connection is quite rare; and the people who are capable of it have done heaps of work with themselves. Perhaps a regular meditator could relate as touching into those darker places or perhaps honest places become available through meditation. It isn't the cure for apathy, but holds some keys that allow for experiencing deeper places of the human experience.

 

[Moose.000]

Nah, I don't want to raise any active suspicions. Last thing I need is someone getting in my way when the day comes.

 

[Voi]

No, I leave them in my thoughts