Discussion Do you ever think of telling anyone?

[hahabye]

Do you ever think about telling anyone about your ctb plans?

I am scared as hell of someone realising what I'm planning, and actually asking about it or trying to talk me out of it. But at the same time, it feels like it would be so comforting to speak to someone close about it and have them understand and accept my choice.

What are your thoughts/experiences with that?

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I would love to tell people about my plans and why but I can't risk being send to a psych ward. I constantly make passive suicidal comments to my family but I don't tell them I am actually thinking about ctb 24/7

 

[hahabye]

And they never ask anything about these comments?

 

[ShutUpEli]

It's really hard to tell people things because if they think I'm serious and get me sent to a psych ward I'm fucked. I find even if they don't threaten to send me away, people don't really know how to respond and the situation just gets worse. I usually try to just keep them to myself, but there are times when I slip up and accidentally say something. I'm getting better about controlling it though.
Best wishes

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

And they never ask anything about these comments?

Yes they do and get concerned so I guess I need to be more careful

 

[TessB]

Yes I enjoy telling the mental health services of Ashford Kent every fucking thing I'm planning because they give no fucks

 

[Celerity]

Yes I enjoy telling the mental health services of Ashford Kent every fucking thing I'm planning because they give no fucks

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this, so I guess I'll go with both. Gotta love mental health services.

I have- in pieces. I just talk about suicide in an abstract, theoretical way.

 

[WornOutLife]

I have done that and it only made things worse.
Once, I was almost sent to a psych ward and the second one, I ended up being a prisoner in my parents' house for almost 6 months.

My advice: Try to keep your ctb thoughts to yourself.

 

[TessB]

I don't know whether to laugh or dry at this, so I guess I'll go with both. Gotta love mental health services.
I have- in pieces. I just talk about suicide in an abstract, theoretical way.

I told the occupational therapist who for some reason been given me to contact for active review that I have Sodium Nitrite on the way and am going to ctb any time. She wasn't very interested and put me down for another call in 4 weeks. It's fucking hilarious. I don't obviously care that their lack of care means I'll be dead.. but generally their service which is meant to help and save lives is doing the exact opposite and they may want to try a different strategy.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Yes but only on an account nobody would know my true identity on, it's easier that way because I know there's gonna be "that guy" who will go through my account looking for a relative to tell

But even then, I'm not gonna tell directly because my friends have dealt with too many of their community members passing away and it's just gonna give them more depression. I'd rather put it in my profile description so when I'm gone there's at least a reason why for those who are curious.

 

[hahabye]

I have done that and it only made things worse.
Once, I was almost sent to a psych ward and the second one, I ended up being a prisoner in my parents' house for almost 6 months.

My advice: Try to keep your ctb thoughts to yourself.

Sorry to hear you didn't receive acceptance and understanding from those close to you.. That must be heartbreaking.

I sometimes try to imagine that some people around me would be able to understand, but then I realise how naive that is and, yeah, I would never risk it...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this, so I guess I'll go with both. Gotta love mental health services.

I have- in pieces. I just talk about suicide in an abstract, theoretical way.

That sounds like an interesting way to go about it... Like testing what their view on suicide is. But I'm still too afraid that if I did that, people would start to get suspicious

I told the occupational therapist who for some reason been given me to contact for active review that I have Sodium Nitrite on the way and am going to ctb any time. She wasn't very interested and put me down for another call in 4 weeks. It's fucking hilarious. I don't obviously care that their lack of care means I'll be dead.. but generally their service which is meant to help and save lives is doing the exact opposite and they may want to try a different strategy.

That's so sad and ironic at the same time...

 

[UterEntonaur]

Do you ever think about telling anyone about your ctb plans?

In real life? Never. Not a single soul (except the people from here) know about my plans to CTB. I could literally disappear, and nobody would know where to look, where I've gone, why, how long for, etc. That's the way I wish to keep it to ensure that I'm not "saved" or disturbed when CTBing.

Yes I enjoy telling the mental health services of Ashford Kent every fucking thing I'm planning because they give no fucks

Maybe they're too busy thinking about going to the amazing designer outlet there, for their summer clothes haul, before popping into asda next door to do the weekly shop? (I know someone who literally did that today)

 

[Odwin]

Nah, that would make my CTB complicated

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

One person know that I'm doing it someday and probably know how and he don't try to stop me (I knowed that and that's why he know how I feel). I'm not going to tell anyone else.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Nah, not scared of family finding out though, they know I've been suicidal in the past and that I tend to have depressive states frequently. They are not the type to freak out and call the cops--if I am allowed a chance to talk them down from hysterics.

 

[TessB]

In real life? Never. Not a single soul (except the people from here) know about my plans to CTB. I could literally disappear, and nobody would know where to look, where I've gone, why, how long for, etc. That's the way I wish to keep it to ensure that I'm not "saved" or disturbed when CTBing.


Maybe they're too busy thinking about going to the amazing designer outlet there, for their summer clothes haul, before popping into asda next door to do the weekly shop? (I know someone who literally did that today)

I used to work at the designer outlet!

 

[fred farkle]

Yes they do and get concerned so I guess I need to be more careful

didnt you say that you had a long talk with your father about your desire to ctb? how did he react to that??

 

[LastLoveLetter]

She wasn't very interested and put me down for another call in 4 weeks.

LOL. Not laughing at you, just at the absurdity of how these "professionals" behave. This is the reality of mental health teams and services. They don't give a flying fuck, they just want to get us off the phone as quickly as possible. People who haven't tried to access mental health services don't fully comprehend just how ludicrously dire it is.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Everyone that knows me, knows I'm suicidal. "hi I'm 'aspen' and I'm suicidal" without a care (well not exactly like that lol). If you know this and don't treat me right then it makes letting go sooooo much easier, (in most cases for those that read my most recent thread). At the same time I haven't seen a psych ward yet. The people close to me know that it would only piss me off and make things worse and the doctors know I'm trying so I don't get bothered.

 

[DarkWolf]

I didn't tell anyone for years and years til my recent first attempt. Know everyone knows and no one gives a shit. I'm just learning just how useless and shitty the UK mental health services are. What a fucking waste of time. Guess I'm on my own.
I can't even pay someone to give a shit about me.

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

I only tell strangers, but never friend or family.

 

[blue_muse]

No, especially not after a crisis charity broke confidentiality and subjected me to daily monitoring "for my own good".

 

[hahabye]

One person know that I'm doing it someday and probably know how and he don't try to stop me (I knowed that and that's why he know how I feel). I'm not going to tell anyone else.

It must be quite nice to have someone who knows and is not trying to stop you

Everyone that knows me, knows I'm suicidal. "hi I'm 'aspen' and I'm suicidal" without a care (well not exactly like that lol). If you know this and don't treat me right then it makes letting go sooooo much easier, (in most cases for those that read my most recent thread). At the same time I haven't seen a psych ward yet. The people close to me know that it would only piss me off and make things worse and the doctors know I'm trying so I don't get bothered.

That's a very unique experience that I've never heard of. I cannot imagine what it is like to be openly suicidal and not have people around you being scared away because of that. Must be quite freeing... I am glad to hear they're understanding enough not to send you to a psych ward! I wish I had a support system like that

I didn't till tell anyone for years and years til my recent first attempt. Know everyone knows and no one gives a shit. I'm just learning just how useless and shitty the UK mental health services are. What a fucking waste of time. Guess I'm on my own.
I can't even pay someone to give a shit about me.

That sounds so harsh, I'm really sorry... In a way, I kinda know what that is like. After my latest suicidal gesture, my mom just carried on as if nothing happened. Didn't offer to help me get some help or talk about it. Feels so lonely, doesn't it?

 

[Life_and_Death]

That's a very unique experience that I've never heard of. I cannot imagine what it is like to be openly suicidal and not have people around you being scared away because of that. Must be quite freeing... I am glad to hear they're understanding enough not to send you to a psych ward! I wish I had a support system like that

Close. They keep an eye on me and I wouldn't call it understanding but more they just know it won't end well. I have a big mouth and bad anxiety. Between the 2 of them it really wouldn't end well. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU CAN'T FORCE ME TO DO SHIT!" kind of thing. Along with physical violence if they tried to touch me. Knowing this about me they know it's best not to. As far as the "scared away" part.... Dude that sounds like a 'you' problem. If you don't like me for me with the understanding I've been through shit then that is a total you problem and I don't need you. It's not exactly like I asked to be this way. I'd rather be around real people that care instead of fake people that don't care.

 

[idontknow42]

Yes, I've told people (friends online - no one IRL) that I want to die, and will likely attempt to CTB sooner or later. I don't think they understand how serious I am about it though.

 

[FreeAngel]

I told my therapist I wanted to die. But I'm not gonna tell him how and when I do it, or he'd put me in a mental hospital.

 

[hahabye]

Close. They keep an eye on me and I wouldn't call it understanding but more they just know it won't end well. I have a big mouth and bad anxiety. Between the 2 of them it really wouldn't end well. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU CAN'T FORCE ME TO DO SHIT!" kind of thing. Along with physical violence if they tried to touch me. Knowing this about me they know it's best not to. As far as the "scared away" part.... Dude that sounds like a 'you' problem. If you don't like me for me with the understanding I've been through shit then that is a total you problem and I don't need you. It's not exactly like I asked to be this way. I'd rather be around real people that care instead of fake people that don't care.

Ahh I misinterpreted it a bit, sorry! That definitely doesn't sound like understanding. But you seem like a strong enough person to show them what's what and get the respect for your decision that you deserve. I envy that a bit.

Definitely get that! It's not worth it to act like you're someone you're not. But in my case, I don't have almost anyone I could talk to and I think I'd feel so lonely during these last few months if I lost them over my suicidal ideations too.

I told my therapist I wanted to die. But I'm not gonna tell him how and when I do it, or he'd put me in a mental hospital.

I'm still thinking of whether I should tell mine. What did yours say?

 

[DarkWolf]

That sounds so harsh, I'm really sorry... In a way, I kinda know what that is like. After my latest suicidal gesture, my mom just carried on as if nothing happened. Didn't offer to help me get some help or talk about it. Feels so lonely, doesn't it?

Yeah it feels terrible. No one understands. No one sees me. I feel so empty.

 

[hahabye]

Yeah it feels terrible. No one understands. No one sees me. I feel so empty.

Sounds very familiar. At least we all have each other here as a sort of community

 

[Pen>Sword]

For some reason, I am leaning towards telling my parents and siblings about my plan because I want to have not only their sympathy, but also my POV why I need to die. It could be written all of those in a letter, but they'll still blame themselves.

Then again, if I reveal it, it sounded like a suicide threat, where I'm just manipulating them like a psychopath, so that I could get what I want. I genuinely want to die, but the society just doesn't want me to do it, even though society rejects people with all sorts of problems.

At the end, I might not tell anyone anyway, so that I can CTB successfully. I'm still undecided.