Do you ever start to resent people who are good to you because you feel useless?

[TheLastGreySky]

I mean you feel like you're helpless or worthless when someone is good to you?

 

[Aim]

YESS i understand you very well! and it's a horrible feeling, because these people the light. Inner demons taking over can and will ruin everything.
Self awareness will save many lives.

 

[certified_idiot]

Yeah. I feel like they don't know who I actually am, and I'm tricking them into being nice to a horrible person.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Yeah. I feel like they don't know who I actually am, and I'm tricking them into being nice to a horrible person.

Preaching to the choir. Like IF you knew who I was or the "real" me you'd hate me.

 

[milquetoast]

yeah, and every time they do something good to me i just have that desperate thought of "can i even repay all this kindness back?" and when i don't i feel so much worse about myself

 

[TheLastGreySky]

yeah, and every time they do something good to me i just have that desperate thought of "can i even repay all this kindness back?" and when i don't i feel so much worse about myself

It's a trauma response. And as a social creature, most humans are emotionally codependent on the social validation of others. You're perfect the way You are.
And yet, as I said in another POST, WE are wired to lie to ourselves.

So, let me get this straight... my anger is a secondary emotion and is a manifestation of the feeling it's masking. So, my mind won't let me know what I'm feeling and my ego won't let me accept it?
We could literally have a conversation about serotonin alone.
Why, what, and what the fuck.

But even in understanding, I'm still bound by this wiring,

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

Yeah. Back when I had people who were good to me. Nobody talks to me anymore, though so I don't need to worry about it.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Yeah. Back when I had people who were good to me. Nobody talks to me anymore, though so I don't need to worry about it.

I'm sorry to hear that. I feel like some kind of masochist at times, but I try to remind myself that's a trauma response.

 

[Desp]

I do not resent people who are nice to me. I feel a bit guilty because I will eventually let them down.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't have people who are good to me to begin with. Never did, never will

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I don't have people who are good to me to begin with. Never did, never will

I hope you do eventually, but it is a double edged sword. I wish you well.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I hope you do eventually, but it is a double edged sword. I wish you well.

That's true. However, in my case, the other end of the edged sword seems less sharp than the end I currently experience and it'll be like that until I get irl experience of getting mistreated by people who I consider to be friends or acquaintances. In fact I tend to wish that I could get abused by people who I considered as friends as at least that means I would have had friends at one point and that, to me, is preferable than being *completely* alone throughout my entire life. People can't understand my perspective nor can I understand their perspective as we experienced completely different things in regards to this

 

[scared:bug]

no.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I wouldn't say resentful, more like I chose to distance myself because I was realizing that I'm on a different path. People in my life are still holding on to the old way of life. I realize that I can't exist in society the way I have been and the choices I'm about to make will make it so I won't have money or a home so I doubt I'll have friends again.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

That's true. However, in my case, the other end of the edged sword seems less sharp than the end I currently experience and it'll be like that until I get irl experience of getting mistreated by people who I consider to be friends or acquaintances. In fact I tend to wish that I could get abused by people who I considered as friends as at least that means I would have had friends at one point and that, to me, is preferable than being *completely* alone throughout my entire life. People can't understand my perspective nor can I understand their perspective as we experienced completely different things in regards to this

I didn't have a single friend until highschool, and then I didn't have any new friends until I was 30 and in jail. No matter what risk their is in life, life is worth that risk.
However, without a doubt some of the pain you might face might be unbearable... but that's something you really won't know until (or if) it happens.