Discussion Do you ever plan for the future even though you're going to ctb?

[LeGuitarist]

What the title says. I find myself constantly planning my life up to a decade into the future, even though I doubt I'll survive that long. It's almost like a coping mechanism for me ngl. Anyone else do that?

 

[motel rooms]

Yes, because I don't know when I'll be forced to ctb

 

[Ednospatient]

Yup, I've made plans too even though I know I won't even make it to 30

 

[kurisutinabestgirl]

Yeah, totally. If I wouldn't then the anxiety would be killing me, that if I can't ctb then I would be completely stuck.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I just stood by and watched my life spiral out of control because I never saw the point of planning ahead. It has only compounded my misery and I feel like I have no other option left.

In a way suicidal ideation is a self fulfilling prophecy. Once you get it in your head that you want to die you start to act in ways that will eventually lead you down that road. At least it was for me.

 

[finalexit]

I pretty much just plan for my death

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Nah, fuck it. What happens, happens.

 

[deflationary]

I didn't even plan for my future when I wasn't planning to ctb.

 

[xLosthopex]

No. And one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone asks me "what's your plans for the future?"/"What are your long term goals/ambitions?" -I get that question all the time from customers at my job especially, because most people don't see stripping as 'real work' When my patience is low though I will just straight out say to them no I don't because I plan to be dead :)

 

[h0wd1rtygrlzST4YCL3N]

i feel like i try to some times, to come off as normal.....but in reality i know what i want in less than 5 years....but you know you have to come up with things that sound good for the normal people.

 

[Hurt]

Yes. That's what I've been doing lately. It's like there are two of me. For example a weekend holiday next month but I could ctb before that happens. I'm tired of this world.

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

Most I can plan is a few months now.

Long term investments like my health and financials are not a thing anymore. Funny, I just received the advice of "benefits over bonuses" and I didnt think twice about ignoring benefits.

 

[ClownMe]

I don't really plan for the future per say, I mainly just save my money in case a shit show pops up.

 

[noxin]

I fluctuate between doing nothing because I feel like I have no future, to making plans even though I feel I'm going to ctb soon.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

Merely thinking about the future makes me angry and sick, although almost everything has that effect on me.

 

[PinkSakura]

Yeah

 

[FuneralCry]

No. I just deal with what is happening in the current moment. There is nothing to plan anyway, I know that if I stay alive I will spend my days barely doing anything. It is horrible thinking about the future. I know that things will get worse. There is so much dread. I try to ignore these thoughts. All I want is to be free from this horrible existence.

 

[Panna]

I do, mainly since I haven't burned every opportunity. My last chance is college, save up enough money to live in a small house isolated away from society, actually having my own room with a door and being able to make my own decisions free from religion and having the final say over my life. If I burn this bridge, then I'll finally be ready. I'd rather die then continue living how I do now.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I do, mainly since I haven't burned every opportunity. My last chance is college, save up enough money to live in a small house isolated away from society, actually having my own room with a door and being able to make my own decisions free from religion and having the final say over my life. If I burn this bridge, then I'll finally be ready. I'd rather die then continue living how I do now.

You might as well try everything you can before you ctb.

No. I just deal with what is happening in the current moment. There is nothing to plan anyway, I know that if I stay alive I will spend my days barely doing anything. It is horrible thinking about the future. I know that things will get worse. There is so much dread. I try to ignore these thoughts. All I want is to be free from this horrible existence.

I also live day to day without much thought of the future. I always thought I would sort of just figure things out but that never happened. Now I have just given up and accepted my fate.

 

[Idontmatter]

I do just so I can hide the fact that I'm going to ctb soon.

 

[noname223]

I plan a lot. I have OCD and my brain needs a plan. The problem is I have tried everything twice. My problemes cannot be solved. My future is pretty pretty dark. Suicide awaits me due to poverty/severe mental illness,
I need hope in order to feel better. Just giving up feels so horrible for me. Instead I fought wars which were obviously lost. However this seems to come to an end. My 6th recovery attempt (I am in my mid twenties) failed. I think I really let things happen. I cannot do anything about it.
I think I really try to get retirement status. No more lying about my health. Saying I could work just in order to try it again.

There is no hope. My biggest hope is the welfare state and hopefully a new assisted suicide law.
That is my plan for the future. I wish I had a better one.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, it is strange. I don't plan stuff long term but there is a part of me that keeps engaging in this horrible world. I think living in the present (good or bad) is the best strategy anyway. I just distract myself in anyway I can until it is time to check out. I eat junk food, play video games, chat online, take pills, watch movies and tv shows. You know the usual shit.

 

[Rational man]

No. I used to worry about the future but soon realised that the best plans can go tits up. I just live NOW as much as possible until I die. Theres no guarantee anyways about the future.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I used to when I was younger, but not anymore. At this point, there aren't many options for my future unless a miracle happens.

I'm positive I will die by suicide within 5 years or less.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I'm trying to survive to the next day, until I can't anymore. There's no more planning for the future

 

[seaweaves]

When I was younger and absolutely convinced I wasn't going to live past a certain age (a moving target, even today) I did absolutely no planning.

Now? I find myself absolutely struggling to imagine any possible futures or to plan for them. Realistically this is at least as much a result of some trauma stuff as it is decades of never really developing the capacity for a future oriented imagination from a pretty young age, but damn, I wish I'd done more planning throughout all the various CTB times if it wouldn'tve led me here

 

[forgotten15]

I used to make plans, but not anymore. There is nothing to plan, future won't bring me anything, i just go to work and come home. I live an empty existence and have no will to do anything. I just let the days pass hoping someday I will get so fed up of this life that will decide to go through with my decision to end it.

 

[Brayu]

I'm 23... I've set my goal until 35, although I don't want to reach 30...

Patience, if death is an "ungrateful person" who doesn't want me

 

[Comfydant]

for me, it's the opposite. i want to ctb because i have no plans for the future. i know i'm only 19, but each day is a slog to get through and i'm nowhere near self-sufficient. i dropped out of high school in sophomore year, i don't have a job, and i was never taught how to cook, do my own laundry, manage money, or anything like that. i'm quite literally just taking up space and being a burden to my mom, who already has her own health to worry about.

 

[sevenkarmas]

Unfortunately for me right now, my future is scheduled. I have things going on personally and professionally that if I don't at least make a plan, people will start asking questions and things could get more difficult, even to the point where I won't have access to what I need to ctb. Meanwhile, I'm trying to determine when I'm going to ctb. It's like I'm living two parallel lives. Eventually they will split, but until then I have to keep up appearances.