Discussion Do you ever feel worse whenever you remember that so many people out there have it worse than you?

[coolgal82]

Personally for me literally 2 nights ago i was so close to ending it after a massive spiral caused by just seeing some random reddit post about someone who had it worse than me (that day was an entire rollercoaster, first that and then just super fucking happy and positive for a few hours, then i just exiled myself from my friends for 12 hours because i decided i was an awful person lmao but anyway im rambling)

Every time i see anyone who has anything worse than me, be it like symptoms or conditions or background (especially considering my like background is very good i've had no major bad events happen to me really) it just really sets me off. i just feel so like guilty that like i get off lightly and they don't, and then i feel bad for making their issues about me, and seeing any worse issues than mine immediately send my brain into "its all in your head/youre exaggerating it/you just want attention" mode. its just a whole rush of things that just take me out of whatever i was doing and make me feel fucking awful.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

 

[willitpass]

I generally don't and I always try to remind people when they feel that way about themselves that they shouldn't either. While I know objectively people have told me I have it pretty bad and have even said they feel bad for feeling the way they do with everything I've been through, I think it's an unfair lens to look at things through. Feelings and emotions are subjective, everyone reacts to different things differently. And there are no "correct" feelings and emotions. Someone could go through objective hell but they feel okay about it while another person could "have it easy" and still suffer. Especially when it comes to mental illness and suicidal thoughts, they do not discriminate. They do not care if your situation is full of suffering or if your life has been a walk in the park. Comparing your emotions to another's to try and tell yourself you shouldn't feel some type of way is comparing apples to granola bars. And as someone who, like I said, has been told that apparently my situation is one that makes people feel bad for their own depression, most people in bad situations don't want to be thought of that way. Our trauma does not related to your life, so why try and compare it? They are not the same, so don't even try to think of it that way.

 

[coolgal82]

I generally don't and I always try to remind people when they feel that way about themselves that they shouldn't either. While I know objectively people have told me I have it pretty bad and have even said they feel bad for feeling the way they do with everything I've been through, I think it's an unfair lens to look at things through. Feelings and emotions are subjective, everyone reacts to different things differently. And there are no "correct" feelings and emotions. Someone could go through objective hell but they feel okay about it while another person could "have it easy" and still suffer. Especially when it comes to mental illness and suicidal thoughts, they do not discriminate. They do not care if your situation is full of suffering or if your life has been a walk in the park. Comparing your emotions to another's to try and tell yourself you shouldn't feel some type of way is comparing apples to granola bars. And as someone who, like I said, has been told that apparently my situation is one that makes people feel bad for their own depression, most people in bad situations don't want to be thought of that way. Our trauma does not related to your life, so why try and compare it? They are not the same, so don't even try to think of it that way.

i mean its not like i try to do it, i'd love not to and iget why its bad, but my brain just does it against my will.

 

[willitpass]

i mean its not like i try to do it, i'd love not to and iget why its bad, but my brain just does it against my will.

I'm not blaming you for it, I'm just explaining what I tell people when they tell me that. It's unfair to yourself to compare. I know it's not a choice to think that way or as easy as "just stop" though.

 

[timetodie24]

Yeah i do this a lot. I feel like I've had a pretty easy life, no major trauma, loving parents etc. So i feel guilty that I can't pull myself together and get on with my life for them. And i know they'll feel guilty about my ctb eventhough it's not their fault. So i feel bad about that.

All problems and feelings are valid. What one person can cope with could be the end of the world to another. I'd never try to dismiss others problems but it's so hard not to dismiss my own when i read what others have gone through

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Whether someone else has it worse than me won't change my personal situation. Who really has it worse or not is always subjective.

 

[RueTheRavenPrincess]

Personally for me literally 2 nights ago i was so close to ending it after a massive spiral caused by just seeing some random reddit post about someone who had it worse than me (that day was an entire rollercoaster, first that and then just super fucking happy and positive for a few hours, then i just exiled myself from my friends for 12 hours because i decided i was an awful person lmao but anyway im rambling)

Every time i see anyone who has anything worse than me, be it like symptoms or conditions or background (especially considering my like background is very good i've had no major bad events happen to me really) it just really sets me off. i just feel so like guilty that like i get off lightly and they don't, and then i feel bad for making their issues about me, and seeing any worse issues than mine immediately send my brain into "its all in your head/youre exaggerating it/you just want attention" mode. its just a whole rush of things that just take me out of whatever i was doing and make me feel fucking awful.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

Not for me. There's some study or something out there I read about once I don't remember the specifics, but it observed and compared the brain of a rich girl whose car privileges were taken away, to some kid in the hood whose mom was murdered and the mental trauma sustained was equal. Everyone handles stress differently especially with how the human brain acclimates to stress. I think it's never fair to compare peoples issues because your dream life is someone's worst nightmare and vice versa scaling up and down forever.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Some people have very horrible lives or had very horrible things happen to them .

i guess people with "good" lives don't realize that if something terrible happened to someone else something to that level could also happen to them . no one is immune from all kinds of threats . there are many threats any human is under . i guess this is all hidden because no one says it.

It's not like it's just one thing like brain damage that can happen to anyone anyday from a stroke , anuerysm, accident parasites diseeses etc. it's also cancers, threat of kidnapping torture , tape worm ,lyme hundreds of other diseases.

That imo is just one reason why life is bad the threat of extreme suffering which could happen to any sentient being.

you could be a billionaire and get a brain stroke and then your life would be hell

And there is no reason to take such risks because life is meaningless suffering.

another reason why life is bad is that every animal gets old even the human animal . i worked in a nursing home it's an unimaginable hell . constant pain dementia disability in vevry old age combine to make life even worse in very old age. that's where most humans will end up very old in nursing homes. .

another reason is all the labor work chores problems etc that you have to do every day just to exist in this hell under such threats for no reason

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I recognise that not everyone suffers and that some suffer both less and more than me. Although regardless of that my experience is also objectively not good, and I think that's enough for me to focus on... If I weren't as broken I would probably be able to focus on helping who wants help too, be it worse or better than my situation.

 

[HereIGoAgain24]

I really appreciate these replies- they're incredibly humble and human, offering disagreements without arguments. If only more of the internet were like this!

For my own part, yeah- I do occasionally feel bad. I once had a friend in Venezuela living under the Maduro regime, terrified every day of the country collapsing around him. Some of my friends are LGBTQ+ and have had to flee their home states because of the horrific laws being passed there (one of them literally called it 'life and death' for them). And then I think, my biggest material problems (besides the general state of the world) are... my insecurity and the fact that I suck at dating. Not saying I SHOULD feel bad about it, but I do occasionally.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No. I'm too focused on myself and my own suffering to bother having any emotions for others. That said, I think that I'll soon try and look at experiences of those who suffer more than me so that I hopefully get enough motivation to ctb. It'd be uncomfortable but, in this cruel world, discomfort is necessary for suicide. I hate pro lifers for making it this way but experiencing a lot of discomfort now will counteract experiencing discomfort for 7 more decades

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel bad for them. I'll feel guilty if I think I've directly contributed to their suffering. Like when you read about people working in appalling conditions to mine the elements needed in smart phones and modern technology. But then, I know that's hypocritical of me because I still buy these things.

But in general- no. I won't be made to feel guilty that people with more difficult lives are handling them better than I'm handling mine. I won't be made to feel guilty that someone else would love my life. If it were possible- I'd give it to them! I didn't choose to come here. It's not my fault this world is set up to be as shit as it is! Hopefully, I didn't cause them to suffer.

Plus, realistically- unless I go and work for a charity that directly benefits them- what difference does it make to them whether I'm struggling or thriving? Whether I wait for natural death or kill myself? Even whether I feel sorry for them or, don't give a damn. Unless we do something practical to help them, what difference does it make?

Not to say you shouldn't feel these things. We feel what we feel. Maybe because it's been ingrained in us from an early age.

I suppose I've had ideation from childhood- aged 10. So, when anything like that came up- effectively- you need to be grateful for what you have and thankful things are no worse- I suppose I privately thought/ think to myself- yeah but- I don't even want to be alive! How am I really going to be all that grateful for anything life brings when I think the foundations are rotten. But fine, I'll feel sorry for that other poor soul who has things even worse.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just find it horrific in general how existence causes such an immense amount of suffering, to me existence truly is such a terrible tragedy, I wish I could just erase my existence so it's like I've never suffered at all. I always find it so painful to exist especially as there is no limit as to how much one can suffer in this cruel, torturous existence, in my case I only hope to never exist again, only non-existence is desirable to me.

 

[untothedepths]

i try to stay away from news because of it, because all ill see is how the world really is when you peel back enough layers.

 

[lnlybnny]

Some people who live in extremely poor and unfavorable conditions still have a strong will to live and find happiness even in these situations. That happens because most of the times their brain chemistry is not fucked up (as it is for a lot of people who want to ctb). Suffering and pain are subjective as others have said. I can only talk from my perspective and experiences. You don't know how I feel and what I go through until you walk on my shoes. So no, I don't even think about it that way.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah. My life has been pretty easy for the most part. I have no major traumas, no mental illness, born in a developed country, my family loves me, etc. I don't know if I can even say that growing up poor was an issue for me since my grandparents, who are much nicer off financially, were always very involved in my life and were willing to offer a helping hand. Along with that, my mother worked to shield me from a lot of our financial issues. I've never truly struggled in life.

As a result, I kind of feel like a spoiled brat whenever I talk about not wanting to live or whenever I do things that some people see as kind of concerning. It often feels like I have no right to be the way I am. Those feelings, along with my own feelings of self-hatred, cause me to desire suffering.

 

[Eternal Eyes]

I always feel bad or worry if I vent at people. Although most people I have asked about that claim I don't really vent too much.

In a greater sense, most people on here would be deemed "privileged" just for the fact they can use the internet, let alone read the words posted on it and even live in a nation with internet access. Happiness is relative though, regardless of where someone lives or how they're living their life.

Do not worry about how you feel OP, the fact you worry about it shows you have a lot of empathy anyway.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

No. Just the opposite. I feel like shit because everyone seems to have it better than me.

 

[Ligottian]

I do have to remind myself that everyone I have known has had problems Not the same as mine, but they exist, and I'm sure they cause some level of pain.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

No. Just the opposite. I feel like shit because everyone seems to have it better than me.

I haven't met anyone worse than me either. Maybe they are out there. It's not a competition but I do feel really bad hearing other people's stories I wish I was at least as good off as them even though their situations are also s*** frequently.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I haven't met anyone worse than me either. Maybe they are out there. It's not a competition but I do feel really bad hearing other people's stories I wish I was at least as good off as them even though their situations are also s*** frequently.

I hear that. I'd take something like career disappointment or a failed relationship over my ruined health anyday.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I never understood people who say this. This is just plain toxic and sounds like gaslighting. This society is so good at diminishing people's suffering and guilt tripping people. And by the way, what about all the people who have it better than me?
Moral of the story is, everyone is on their own journey and other people's journey is none of anybody's business, so stay out of it and take care of yourself.

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

It's something I regularly grapple with. Just about everyone I know is in a worse position than I am. I have my own place to live, a stable job/income, and family who is supportive of me and my identity. All of these are things a lot of people don't have or worse.

I could say that I'm suffering because of my autism or because of my ongoing mental illness(es) that make it near impossible to connect with people, but...those are just excuses. I have no right to complain when I know so many people who have to live with their shitty family because they can't afford anything else, or don't even have housing at all. "It could be worse" just leads to feelings of guilt for me. It isn't fair that I get to have a pretty good standard of living and want to die, and someone who wants to live and struggles to doesn't.

 

[EternalShore]

No. Just the opposite. I feel like shit because everyone seems to have it better than me.

same~ xDDD I get sooo jealous! >_< it makes me feel like a sadist because my situation is so hopeless and lost that I get happier when I see misery around me~ xD

Personally for me literally 2 nights ago i was so close to ending it after a massive spiral caused by just seeing some random reddit post about someone who had it worse than me (that day was an entire rollercoaster, first that and then just super fucking happy and positive for a few hours, then i just exiled myself from my friends for 12 hours because i decided i was an awful person lmao but anyway im rambling)

Reddit is poison~ anyways, I looked through your posts, and altho, it certainly seems that you have it better than many here, having genuine feelings of gender dysphoria can just cause everything to come crashin down~ :( It's very difficult to be happy like that~ I wish you the best~ :)

 

[badK9wolf]

shit for me has gotten pretty objectively bad recently. i know there are people who have it worse but there are definitely so many people who have it better.

 

[coolgal82]

same~ xDDD I get sooo jealous! >_< it makes me feel like a sadist because my situation is so hopeless and lost that I get happier when I see misery around me~ xD


Reddit is poison~ anyways, I looked through your posts, and altho, it certainly seems that you have it better than many here, having genuine feelings of gender dysphoria can just cause everything to come crashin down~ :( It's very difficult to be happy like that~ I wish you the best~ :)

it's not even just reddit tbf sometimes its even posts here lmao its any type of mental health related post and like yeah. dysphoria is hard. but idfk what happened lmao most of my issues now arent even related its just been like idk. its like my health suddenly drops, then stabilises for a bit, then suddenly gets worse, then stabilies, then etc etc. also like i dont like saying it cus nothing is diagnosed but my friend who is big into psychology (like autistic about it not just like pop psych stuff lmao) said i should get like tested for some other stuff and like idfk whenever i see people who have that stuff i start comparing in my head even harder than usual lol. idfk what im even saying im a bit drunk rn :3

 

[divinemistress36]

I never understood people who say this. This is just plain toxic and sounds like gaslighting. This society is so good at diminishing people's suffering and guilt tripping people. And by the way, what about all the people who have it better than me?
Moral of the story is, everyone is on their own journey and other people's journey is none of anybody's business, so stay out of it and take care of yourself.

I needed to hear this

 

[Ligottian]

We never know what degree of suffering or happiness goes on "behind closed doors".

 

[landslide2]

OP don't feel too bad, you are maybe stuck with the "too empathic" gene.

The world has always bothered me, near and far. The more you learn of it, the harder it is to unsee.
It's not about grass is greener, who's worse off, that's not what I mean.
Some of us through nature and/or nurture become attuned to others suffering, we can't help it.
Anyone who says u shouldn't bother or just switch it off, well it just doesn't work that
way for all of us.

I would love to have existed in some other timeline, and now to just not exist at all in this one.

 

[Trav1989]

Not personally, nobody fully understands exactly what others are going through and not everyone can deal with certain things as well as others. Some of us can handle a lot more trauma while others not so much. Just because somebody is worse off physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially than you doesn't mean they are stronger than you in other ways.

For me, my emotions are my weak point, I love and care deeply and respect others which has led to me being chewed up and spit out, yes it was my fault but do I regret any of it? Yes, yes I do. But when I think about it there really wasn't much that could have been done to prevent things going the way they did anyways and in a lot of ways I would have had to lie to myself and project myself as something I'm not.

So if being guilty of being your true self and being damned for it is a sin then count me among the most guilty.