Venting Do you ever fear that a loved family member is going to suddenly die?

[Rudi]

I don't know why but I keep thinking that some family member of mine is going to randomly die at some point, and I know I would break completely if that were to happen. I cannot live without them, I don't know what I would do without them.

I wanna stop thinking about it but I just can't and it's been like this since a couple months now - since April, this year. And I feel like if I keep thinking about it I'm gonna call for it which I don't want to happen. I'm so lost, I need reassurance so bad.

 

[nir]

All the time. I think about it pretty much daily. It's a horrible obsessive thought. I'm sorry you have it too :(

I have OCD, which I believe is the reason why this happens for me. Have you ever been evaluated for it?

 

[Rudi]

All the time. I think about it pretty much daily. It's a horrible obsessive thought. I'm sorry you have it too :(

I have OCD, which I believe is the reason why this happens for me. Have you ever been evaluated for it?

No, not at all actually, I also never thought that I might have it.
I'm curious now, though :,)

And I'm sorry you're going through that aswell! It's literally haunting.

 

[PI3.14]

For me, a sudden death of a loved one is far worse that the death of one who has been depressed and suicidal for a very long time. The latter one makes you expect such an event taking place even if you don't wish so.

 

[Rudi]

For me, a sudden death of a loved one is far worse that the death of one who has been depressed and suicidal for a very long time. The latter one makes you expect such an event taking place even if you don't wish so.

TRUE. that's literally so true :(

 

[nir]

No, not at all actually, I also never thought that I might have it.
I'm curious now, though :,)

And I'm sorry you're going through that aswell! It's literally haunting.

It's so haunting! I hate it.

I have a lot of obsessive/intrusive thoughts. I have gotten help for my OCD, and it has helped me a bit. Definitely something worth looking in to if you find you are struggling with obtrusive thoughts <3

 

[divinemistress36]

ya I worry about my dad dying all the time

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Every day. It's a daily reoccurrence for me. I find myself constantly acknowledging the possibilty of it and somewhat bracing for it, because having it happen unexpectedly would be much more horrifying.

I think what makes it so anxiety-inducing for me is that I have a larger family of 8 people. We're all older adults and we all love and care for one another very much. Not having ever experienced a death in the family for this many years makes the anticipation much worse. Generally speaking, I haven't even experienced the death of anyone I would consider a close friend yet. And I'm already 45.

The worst part is that it's inevitable, unless I go first. As selfish as it sounds, it's part of the reason that I want to go first. So that I don't have to experience any of their deaths. Even my father is 83 years old and I don't think I could bear to see him go. Even though it's probably going to happen any day now.

The worst would be having this happen to my youngest sister whom I watched grow up and care for dearly. Especially if it were to be an excruciating or painful death. I think I would follow her right after by CTB without even hesitating.

I suspect that being autistic might be fueling this degree of obsessive compulsiveness about it. Because it doesn't seem like anyone else in my family worries about it to the degree that I do. If they do, they don't show it.

Sometimes when I'm watching shows like Dateline or Forensic Files, I find it so odd how people on the show can be interviewed about their murdered loved ones without breaking down in tears. They're so nonchalant.

Death being inevitable is part of the reason that I have chosen not to have children. I just don't see the point of creating life that is going to eventually die. Especially if there is a high chance that the life could be insufferable for any number of reasons, on top of being finite.

I'm so glad that you asked this question, and it gives me some solace to know that I am not alone in having this type of anxiety. So relatable.

Anxiety medications like Venlafaxine might be the only cure for it.

 

[sorrowful]

Yes, and two people close to me dying just under a year apart does not make it any better. I lost my grandmother to cancer in August last year, and the man I love to suicide in July this year. I cannot bring myself to get close with anyone now because I think they will die suddenly too.

The only family I really have is my grandfather, and I currently live with him. His health isn't the best. I worry every day he will just drop dead and I have no idea what I'd do then. I'd probably break and kill myself on the spot.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Yes, I worry about this a lot. I go so far to imagine how they would die and cry about it. I feel like I can't deal with them dying and if I imagine their deaths, I can be more prepared.

It is a daily occurrence, with my boyfriend specifically, as I feel I would break completely if he suddenly died. I've imagined car crash, his suicide, sudden death, being robbed, etc. I don't know how to stop that beyond trying to distract myself.

There have been several deaths in my life and it's hand to deal with something so tragic that can happen at any time.

Just yesterday I looked behind me and saw my hamster suddenly unwell, I felt it in my heart that she was passing but took her to the emergency vet anyway. She passed as soon as the vet started examining her... I had never witnessed an animal dying of natural causes before... I will spare you the details but it was shocking and heartbreaking.

It's now 6am and I've been awake for hours. Her body is in her carrier and we will need to bury her today.

Her death was very sudden and unexpected and even though my heart was prepared for her passing, being an animal with a short life span, I was convinced she would reach her 2 years. Rest in peace my little girl, I love you so much, I hope your passing was a peaceful as it could have been. I will never forget you...

 

[Forever Sleep]

The really awful and kind of monstrous thing is- I have mixed feelings now. For me, it's only really my Dad left. All of my other close family members have already died. A lot when I was a child and all of their losses still upset me. I know how awful it's going to be when my Dad goes. It will feel like there's no one after that. Plus- it's not like he wants to die either. He actually seems to like life overall... But- I don't feel like I can go until he does. So, I have this other, awful part of me that wonders how long I'm going to have to hold on for and, how bad it's going to get. Which, I realise is terrible.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I find myself worrying about this often, especially in regards to my grandparents, dad, and bf. I feel like my mom will probably go on to live a very long life so her dying has never really been much of a concern for me. The others, I'm not so sure about that. My dad and bf both possess some unhealthy habits and they have talked about being suicidal before, and my grandparents are only getting older as time goes on. I've never lost someone before so I can't even imagine how it must feel like. I often find myself scared about losing them. I'm especially scared that if I ctb then that may end up leading to them dying too (including my mom), either due to stress or due to them also ctbing.

 

[thereaperreturns666]

Yep losing my parents and my aunt and uncle is my worst fear I'm and only child plus I'm and incel so when they are gone I'll be all alone and I won't have anyone or anything to live for anymore I plan on roping when that happens