Discussion do you drop hints that you plan to ctb?

[deletedaccount30982]

i've been frequently making jokes and sometimes flat out saying that i plan to ctb soon. i do it to prepare people for when it happens so that it doesn't take them by surprise. usually they just laugh it off or simply say "well don't do that" does anyone else do that? why do you do it?

 

[nobiuobi]

I don't drop hints. I do plan to get my affairs together and leave my savings to my family who needs it. I rather leave a letter that could provide some closure than drop hints that they might forget anyways.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I don't drop hints. I do plan to get my affairs together and leave my savings to my family who needs it. I rather leave a letter that could provide some closure than drop hints that they might forget anyways.

i plan to leave a letter too, something tangible they can remember if they choose to

 

[Amnesty]

I do joke about death and that I want to kill myself etc. yet not to drop hints. I do it on impulse which really makes people around me uncomfortable.

 

[bpdteacher]

I have actively told people I want to, to prove they don't really care. No-one has done anything about it. Part of me hopes someone will help, part of me hopes they won't.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

I have actively told people I want to, to prove they don't really care. No-one has done anything about it. Part of me hopes someone will help, part of me hopes they won't.

i've told people what my plans are and they don't seem to do anything. no one has told anyone so it just brings the idea that no one cares into life

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I have told my family and some people i know about it as well. People usually say just smile and pray, and family mostly just says please dont. Thats it. Mum asked me to describe how and i did. She knows about sn. She asked me to atleast warn her because others might not notify her. Shes nice and understanding. Were very far away from each other. It all just confuses me more too be honest

 

[selfhater]

i used to make jokes but when things went worse i tried to reach for help and talk about it and i got ignored:( i wish i didn't talk about ctb

 

[beyond_aquila_rift]

I regularly make jokes and drop hints yeah

 

[disabledandhopeless]

I have actively told people I want to, to prove they don't really care. No-one has done anything about it. Part of me hopes someone will help, part of me hopes they won't.

That's what I did too... They don't care.

 

[sadghost]

I used to voice how I felt before, when I was struggling but still trying. I stopped when I actually made the decision to CTB. My rationale is that I don't want anybody to get suspicious and notice/save me so I've been laying low and just going about my business as usual. If my behaviour raises any red flags (deleting social media, cleaning my room, looking sad, etc.) it's 100% not intentional - I'm trying my best to make sure I don't seem suspicious.

 

[ERASED]

Yes I do. I just want them to know I'm done fighting. I want peace. I want to leave.

 

[TowerUpright]

I don't say anything at all now. I used to mention suicidal thoughts to my doctors, but now I don't want to chance anything.

Can mention anything to my wife and certainly not kids. I might be an awful person (and I'm ok with that), but I want it to appear sudden, without any note. If there's no real, people can decide my motive to be whatever they want. if I say anything, they'll likely blame themselves more.

 

[Ardesevent]

I used to send depression and CTB memes to my friends, but that just makes me paranoid now. My dad's still in a depression because my mother committed years ago, so he's a no go, and the only other person I'm still in contact with is an overly serious religious type.

 

[serah]

I constantly make jokes about wanting to die. My friends seem to just laugh it off although they are aware of my depression. Most recently I was asking my bestfriend/crush how would she feel if I "left". She probably assumed I mean leave to another state or school. I was trying to see how would she feel about losing me.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

Not that I have a plan but that I'm depressed and suicidal. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think everyone replying to this thread uses humor to cope. Laughing feels amazing and laughing at being a major disappointment? Hitting two birds with one stone! I used to joke about wanting to die in middle school and stopped when someone left a tip to the office that I was suicidal. Now, I don't do it unless I'm in a mental ward or I'm with friends who feel the same.

 

[Cosmiq]

Not recently, I've mostly communicated that I'm not in a good place. I've already been involuntary committed, but wasn't actively planning anything. I'm debating if I want to drop a hint in a non-joke way so it seems less sudden. I plan to leave notes, but I guess part of me wants them to feel like they did everything the could, and even then you can't "save" everyone. I mean even if they were fully alerted and hospitalized me again, once I'm released I'm still an adult and not ill or disabled enough to where my parents could take guardianship of me or anything.

 

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

My friend circle knows that I like to study the phenomenon of suicide academically, but not much more

 

[LastFlowers]

Jokes that aren't jokes.

 

[aukguy]

Jokes about it sound more like a cry for help.

 

[Shoopie]

Yes, well sort of.

My family are all completely dependent on me for everything. So I've been teaching them the skills they'll need (a joke really as my children are in their late twenties, still live at home and are useless at adult stuff) on the pretence that 'I won't always be here'

 

[Acerakis]

I feel like dropping hints would lose what few friends I have. I just keep it to myself to not bother people.

 

[madbananas]

i've been frequently making jokes and sometimes flat out saying that i plan to ctb soon. i do it to prepare people for when it happens so that it doesn't take them by surprise. usually they just laugh it off or simply say "well don't do that" does anyone else do that? why do you do it?

I make "jokes" all the time as well. Thing is, even joking or talking about it is a huge warning sign (even mentioned in suicide prevention resources etc). But I also just get people laughing along and then next thing I've attempted to ctb and people act shocked. I suppose I do it because I'm stuck in between wanting to actually die and wanting to be hugged and told everything is going to be ok. Never works though, I can't achieve either. People just abandon me and I still have too much of a survival instinct to complete suicide.

I make "jokes" all the time as well. Thing is, even joking or talking about it is a huge warning sign (even mentioned in suicide prevention resources etc). But I also just get people laughing along and then next thing I've attempted to ctb and people act shocked. I suppose I do it because I'm stuck in between wanting to actually die and wanting to be hugged and told everything is going to be ok. Never works though, I can't achieve either. People just abandon me and I still have too much of a survival instinct to complete suicide.

now I should add, I'm no longer hinting to people. People have made it clear they don't care, through their inaction rather than action. Also, if I keep talking about feeling suicidal, I will never get the job I want because you have to be "healthy" enough. To be honest, I wouldn't necessarily say I'm mentally unwell, I would say I'm more psychologically wounded. I can and have lived very successfully despite my past, but when I relive past trauma that's when my life and hope shatters.

 

[Acerakis]

now I should add, I'm no longer hinting to people. People have made it clear they don't care, through their inaction rather than action. Also, if I keep talking about feeling suicidal, I will never get the job I want because you have to be "healthy" enough. To be honest, I wouldn't necessarily say I'm mentally unwell, I would say I'm more psychologically wounded. I can and have lived very successfully despite my past, but when I relive past trauma that's when my life and hope shatters.

Having a career interest that requires strong mental health is incredibly stressful. On my course they constantly talk about how we should ask for help if we need it but I know the truth is it will endanger myself every getting qualified if I do, so I keep quiet. As stressful as the work I want to get into is, its the only thing I can picture myself doing without feeling like life is completely meaningless. Although learning from home instead of on campus is making me feel that way anyway.

edit: quoting on this site is weird.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

I've been coping with mental illness for decades now and the folks around me seem to consider it like I am simply managing a 'chronic health condition', like diabetes, asthma, or HIV.

So, more recently I've been describing myself as unraveling and increasingly stressed and anxious, as I hope to ctb soon.

Although I don't know if these hints are being received as I intend them, or simply just in one ear and out the other, written off as part of my 'chronic health condition.'

Because of covid lockdown, I haven't see anyone, face-to-face, in months so that in-person quality of communication is missing, so I don't know how seriously folks are hearing me.

 

[Soul]

Jokes that aren't jokes.

The exact words I was looking for. Thanks! x

 

[SpottedPanda]

I never mention suicide to anyone besides my care coordinator, and even then I make it as light as possible. I'm in no hurry to be sectioned again. Recently I've stated that 'it could go either way' or 'I don't know if I've got the guts'. They've no grounds to section me.

I'll continue to give updates to my care coordinator, if and when she asks, but doing so wouldn't change my mind. There's no magic combination of words that could undo ten years of momentum.

I wouldn't dare joke or hint to family members. I wouldn't want to cause any undue stress or worry.

 

[WarRunner]

Sometimes I do reveal that I do have a motivation to end my life.

 

[HappyMstake]

No. I haven't ever told anyone or even hinted towards it mainly because I want people to believe I'm mentally stable and if I'm "mentally stable" people won't have to check up on me as often and possibly ruin my attempt to CTB.

 

[woxihuanni]

What hints, everybody knows. In this house, we are basically just ignoring the fact I will die unless the other party stops trying to get rid of me. All cheerful, as if I'm not going to die by the end of summer when the issue of renewing my address comes up. Or maybe just tomorrow, if I run out of patience waiting for anything to change.

It's incredible. We pleasantly say good morning, you want coffee? We sit down to dinner, stock flour and new kitchen things as if I'm not going to die. Write a paper, send it to the editor. Will I be around to see it in print? Apparently not.

I don't want to die at all. I just want to be treated like human so I can live.