Do you ctb vicariously from watching this site?

[Meditation guide]

I want out so badly that it is comforting to me to see that others are doing what I cannot do, which is ctb. I feel terribly sad when it happens, and get a sense of what the person was like, feeling their sadness and desperation that drove them to ctb. But at a deeper level there is envy and admiration, the thought if they can why can't I? I know I can't for various reasons yet it still if helpful to see others who have escaped.

I feel like a trapped animal with no way out.

 

[Trayus]

Well you say you cant do it yet, right? If there is some point in the future than you can look forward to, some point where you know "now i have a way out as well" - that could give you some measure of strength i think.

Do you want to share the reasons that trap you?

 

[Superdeterminist]

I want out so badly that it is comforting to me to see that others are doing what I cannot do, which is ctb. I feel terribly sad when it happens, and get a sense of what the person was like, feeling their sadness and desperation that drove them to ctb. But at a deeper level there is envy and admiration, the thought if they can why can't I? I know I can't for various reasons yet it still if helpful to see others who have escaped.

I feel like a trapped animal with no way out.

It's almost funny, how like everything else, suicide takes work. I can't commit suicide, which makes me want to ctb even more.

 

[Trayus]

It all so inhumane nowadays. Even in day ancient days of Rome, Greece and Egypt people could very easily take their lifes. In Japan it was almost a ritual, not only a few centuries back. And people of those times were helpful and supportive!

Why did we have to go backwards so much with this??? The Reasons for suicide are climbing higher and higher, but the methods are being denied and restricted.

 

[Mixo]

Believe it or not, I think this site is actually helpful for those considering suicide because seeing other people make that ultimate decision makes it kind of more "real" for better or worse. We live in a world that wants to censor suicide as a rational or compassionate option to end a life of unresolvable pain, and people's stories here really subvert that "all problems are temporary" narrative. It's not an easy thing to carry out self-euthanasia but there is kind of an upside to it - being in purgatory allows you time to kind of come to terms with how life has turned out, and find some peace within yourself about your decision (if it is to die). I think that's been the case for me, although a part of me is still grappling with some regrets over decisions/mistakes I've made in my life.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

This site releases some of my ctb energy. When I'm really feeling low and ready, this site serves as a check to see if I'm all the way low compared to others. I also visit some of the reality video sites to watch ctb videos when I'm really low.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

yes.

I feel that coming here is a substitute because I don't have the means or willpower to do it in real life.
I just want all this to be over.
I sometimes have the urge to delete my account here and hope to fade away somehow.