Discussion Do you believe one can fully quit self harm?

[Nitlott]

I don't cut regularly (depends on what counts as regularly though). For the last ~2-3 months I've seriously (way more than 5) cutted only once if that matters. But I don't count small accidental cuts/one cut only/ways I get to see my blood. If I was asked that a year ago I'd definitely say yes. But now I'm not so sure about it.

I used to believe that I can easily quit it due to me remembering only one time I cutted. But my memory's not the best and turns out there were several cases of it throughout the years. Although I'm definitely an unreliable narrator I'm 100% sure that I've never experienced the high I get now then. Maybe too hard on that percentage...88%, still a lot.
It's not easy to explain, but I'll try: Last year I almost got my iris damaged due to an accident (the needle that got in my eye was literally millimetres away from it) and I still remember how I felt when I got home from the hospital. It was like I finally started to live and feel like I'm living. But that feelings wore off quickly because it was accidental and didn't really hurt (if at all). I think the adrenaline was at fault then. I got a cool story though, but man, even that red dot on my eye healed in 2-3 days!
Now, when I cut I experience the same high multiplied by 5. Although it's not as good as it was the first time I let myself sh for real, it lasts for days. It's like all your life you had that noise in the background and one day it disappears, and you realise how peaceful it can be. You get a clear head and become really aware of everything, it's feels like heaven because sometimes I feel like everything is flat no matter how hard I touch stuff and etc. Is that weird?...

I think I'm doing a great job in terms of when to allow myself to cut and how often (especially if to consider I have those thoughts everyday), but the high I experience worries me. And the fact that I can cut 15-20 times and notice only after getting a clear head. I wonder if amount of cuts can determine the high... long-term probably...Sh is definitely an addiction, but it's not as severe as a chemical one. I hope so. So, you know how there's no people that quit drugs? I mean yeah, we can call them that, but it's just the matter of time when they'll relapse or if they will in the first place. The fried dopamine receptors and what not stays with you for life, you can't get everything back to normal fully. Hope I worded my point correctly and it didn't sound mean.

So, do you think that one can fully quit self harm? And how much time do you think that'll require? I know that healing isn't linear, but I think you get what I mean.

 

[alstroemeria55]

I can't know your situation for sure, but for me SH depends a lot on how deep in the gutter I am. The worse I feel emotionally, the more pain I'm in, the more I'm haunted by negativity, the more likely I am to SH. If I feel generally ok I don't SH very much if at all. I suppose it depends on how much you're treating the underlying condition that compels you to SH.

 

[heatnormal]

So, do you think that one can fully quit self harm? And how much time do you think that'll require? I know that healing isn't linear, but I think you get what I mean.

depends on what counts as "fully". like with most addictions, i think your brain will always jump to harming yourself, but you can choose not to indulge. i guess the part of the "healing" process is accepting that no alternative will ever feel as good.