oxymoron
Arcanist
- Jul 18, 2019
- 439
Seriously cannot comprehend what would be better. Living life like this - one shitty fucking day at a time or dying.
justfloating
Student
- Feb 13, 2020
- 172
im in the same situation. I don't want to be alive and continue my life, but im not sure if its bad enough for me to end it yet
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
Ardesevent
It’s the end of the line, cowboy
- Feb 2, 2020
- 358
If you're even thinking about CTB in the first place, I'm sure your life is bad enough. You don't have to justify it to anyone besides yourself.
But it's still better to be 100% sure about these things. From what I've seen, something pops up eventually that helps people make their decision.
But it's still better to be 100% sure about these things. From what I've seen, something pops up eventually that helps people make their decision.
-Link-
Deep Breaths
- Aug 25, 2018
- 552
For the most part, I think death is the better option.
But, guilt and survival instinct are powerful forces. Maybe there is an inkling of hope. Maybe for some people, another factor is that they just can't be bothered going through the effort to do it. You have to summon some motivation to do it (something obviously greatly lacking with a lot of mental illness). As well, suicide would be a change from the status quo, and people are resistant to change.
But, guilt and survival instinct are powerful forces. Maybe there is an inkling of hope. Maybe for some people, another factor is that they just can't be bothered going through the effort to do it. You have to summon some motivation to do it (something obviously greatly lacking with a lot of mental illness). As well, suicide would be a change from the status quo, and people are resistant to change.
Last edited:
Una
Write something, even if it’s just a suicide note.
- Feb 28, 2020
- 87
Hi,
I am a new member here but have been reading forum-postings for some time. From those readings and especially from readings/research outside the forum, I have concluded that:
- majority of our fellow humans never experience more than a fleeting thought of suicide, irrespective of how horrific and hopeless life might be. Despite how painful life might have become, their 'software' is simply not programmed to seriously consider suicide. It is not so much that suicide is morally/ethically/religiously abhorrent to them, but rather that it is a very distant notion, light years removed from their own 'universe' (we all create and inhabit our own universe). This explains why some people survive seemingly unsurvivable places such as labour camps likes of Gulags and similar. The iron will to survive is forged in those places by an absolute belief that one's life will improve if one can only hold on to it until freed. Which of course turns to be true the moment one is liberated while still alive. The sense of camaraderie from the fellow inmates also aides the survival mindset. Whilst I have never been an inmate in any labour camp or similar place, I have lived through some very trying and very traumatic times … but the thought, serious thought, of suicide never really entered my mind. Not because I thought then, or do now, that suicide is somehow 'wrong' but rather because it simply was not within 'my universe.' That is to say – it wasn't until 18 months ago when a terrible tragedy found me. Amongst other things, it propelled me into research that, within a little bit less than 6 months, saw me successfully obtaining all the ingredients necessary to effectively and efficiently end my life. Did not even flinch … a woman who did not know who Dr P.N is, (I am not sure if allowed to post his full name), or that there are organisations such as 'Dignitas.' This is, of course, a simplified version of it all … eye-opening and life-changing experiences happened along the way and still are. Nothing unmasks the life as death does. Including how utterly and swiftly our 'universes' changes when the right circumstances converge upon it.
-few of our fellow humans learn to function with their own 'brand of suicidality' (how they experience thoughts, urges, plans, and even attempts), sometimes embracing it as a cloak inside which to take a refugee from the harshness of reality and mountains of hard, and by no means certain to deliver any lasting results, work that awaits on any meaningful road to recovery... I have come across the term 'professionally suicidal' albeit I am not sure to be a fan of it, even though I can see how a certain level of 'skill' and 'mastery' is required, as well as what 'benefits' might be. Still, I am rather inclined to think that to truly know those landscapes, one must first traverse them. It can be a barren desert littered with smashed illusions, shattered dreams and decomposing self-deceptions.
-fewer still are those who successfully complete the act of suicide. Without the slightest intention to glorified suicide - I have the deepest respect for each and every human who musters the courage to 'swim upstream' ... alone. It is when one truly meets oneself for the first time. When the pain (in whichever forms it presents itself) of living, exceeds the fear (in whichever forms it presents itself) of dying ... that we make the crossing. My wish is for a clear head and a steady hand.
I believe in saying I once heard – while there is endless pain and suffering in this world, not all ends in suicide, but there is never, ever a suicide without pain and suffering.
I am sorry if it this post is too long.
Thank you,
Una
I am a new member here but have been reading forum-postings for some time. From those readings and especially from readings/research outside the forum, I have concluded that:
- majority of our fellow humans never experience more than a fleeting thought of suicide, irrespective of how horrific and hopeless life might be. Despite how painful life might have become, their 'software' is simply not programmed to seriously consider suicide. It is not so much that suicide is morally/ethically/religiously abhorrent to them, but rather that it is a very distant notion, light years removed from their own 'universe' (we all create and inhabit our own universe). This explains why some people survive seemingly unsurvivable places such as labour camps likes of Gulags and similar. The iron will to survive is forged in those places by an absolute belief that one's life will improve if one can only hold on to it until freed. Which of course turns to be true the moment one is liberated while still alive. The sense of camaraderie from the fellow inmates also aides the survival mindset. Whilst I have never been an inmate in any labour camp or similar place, I have lived through some very trying and very traumatic times … but the thought, serious thought, of suicide never really entered my mind. Not because I thought then, or do now, that suicide is somehow 'wrong' but rather because it simply was not within 'my universe.' That is to say – it wasn't until 18 months ago when a terrible tragedy found me. Amongst other things, it propelled me into research that, within a little bit less than 6 months, saw me successfully obtaining all the ingredients necessary to effectively and efficiently end my life. Did not even flinch … a woman who did not know who Dr P.N is, (I am not sure if allowed to post his full name), or that there are organisations such as 'Dignitas.' This is, of course, a simplified version of it all … eye-opening and life-changing experiences happened along the way and still are. Nothing unmasks the life as death does. Including how utterly and swiftly our 'universes' changes when the right circumstances converge upon it.
-few of our fellow humans learn to function with their own 'brand of suicidality' (how they experience thoughts, urges, plans, and even attempts), sometimes embracing it as a cloak inside which to take a refugee from the harshness of reality and mountains of hard, and by no means certain to deliver any lasting results, work that awaits on any meaningful road to recovery... I have come across the term 'professionally suicidal' albeit I am not sure to be a fan of it, even though I can see how a certain level of 'skill' and 'mastery' is required, as well as what 'benefits' might be. Still, I am rather inclined to think that to truly know those landscapes, one must first traverse them. It can be a barren desert littered with smashed illusions, shattered dreams and decomposing self-deceptions.
-fewer still are those who successfully complete the act of suicide. Without the slightest intention to glorified suicide - I have the deepest respect for each and every human who musters the courage to 'swim upstream' ... alone. It is when one truly meets oneself for the first time. When the pain (in whichever forms it presents itself) of living, exceeds the fear (in whichever forms it presents itself) of dying ... that we make the crossing. My wish is for a clear head and a steady hand.
I believe in saying I once heard – while there is endless pain and suffering in this world, not all ends in suicide, but there is never, ever a suicide without pain and suffering.
I am sorry if it this post is too long.
Thank you,
Una
departing
Enlightened
- Jul 5, 2019
- 1,502
I'm in a bit of a purgatory of sorts. I don't want to live any longer but I haven't reached the point again where it's time for suicide. So, for now, I research and rehearse. When the time arrives, I'll know it and I'll be ready.
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