Do I wait to hate life even more?

[Snake of Eden]

I am in process of deciding to order N from D but it costs me an arm and a leg because i pay doublr the rate as in North America or Europe. I have the money but I lack the commitment to do it. Do I wait longer to hate life more so when I recieve it I will be desperate enough to take it? Should I order it now so maybe in future that I will decide to take it?

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I am in process of deciding to order N from D but it costs me an arm and a leg because i pay doublr the rate as in North America or Europe. I have the money but I lack the commitment to do it. Do I wait longer to hate life more so when I recieve it I will be desperate enough to take it? Should I order it now so maybe in future that I will decide to take it?

If I were you, and have the financial means I would order it as soon as possible. Just in case as a back up when life becomes unbearable for you

 

[Snake of Eden]

Life is unbearable now but I dont feel pushed enough to freaking end it. Part of me feels like it will always be this way. I mean that no matter how awful it will get i would still not be able to ctb :(

 

[Foreversad]

I am in process of deciding to order N from D but it costs me an arm and a leg because i pay doublr the rate as in North America or Europe. I have the money but I lack the commitment to do it. Do I wait longer to hate life more so when I recieve it I will be desperate enough to take it? Should I order it now so maybe in future that I will decide to take it?

Make the decision now .better beforehand .font let it be that late.i guess u'd feel more reasured having it there in case of .only thing stops me is the cops case .any fear of cops

If I were you, and have the financial means I would order it as soon as possible. Just in case as a back up when life becomes unbearable for you

Agree totally agree

 

[PaxAmerica]

Life is unbearable now but I dont feel pushed enough to freaking end it. Part of me feels like it will always be this way. I mean that no matter how awful it will get i would still not be able to ctb :(

I am miserable and every day is just a repeat of the torture. I was so sure of suicide a few weks ago. Now I just see how things go wrong, people survive as vegetables, or cause pain to family loved ones. Its so complex.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I am miserable and every day is just a repeat of the torture. I was so sure of suicide a few weks ago. Now I just see how things go wrong, people survive as vegetables, or cause pain to family loved ones. Its so complex.

I know. Causing pain to loved ones is inevitable. It is a question of which of the two options you are willing to endure: a) life of suffering b) death with loved ones in grieving pain

 

[PaxAmerica]

I know. Causing pain to loved ones is inevitable. It is a question of which of the two options you are willing to endure: a) life of suffering b) death with loved ones in grieving pain

My family would not be able to cope if I CTB'd. Can I ask what happened that made you so down? Dont answer if you dont want to say.

 

[Snake of Eden]

My family would not be able to cope if I CTB'd. Can I ask what happened that made you so down? Dont answer if you dont want to say.

Nothing specifically happened. I just know my life right now is the start of my worst nightmare as it is and it can only get worse

 

[FuneralCry]

At least having the N means you have a way out if things become unbearable. Life is painful, I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much. I wish you well.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

Do it because you never know when or how things will get worse (or better). Like another user said I was so sure of suicide months ago but now my desire is steadily decreasing. You just never know.