Do I just don’t want to try?

[losttagain]

I hear all the time that I just don't get better if/because I don't want to.
Sometimes I wonder if this is true. Part of me doesn't want to, doesn't want to leave the house, to socialize, to do my hobbies, to try everyday to get better. But I don't do these things because I don't feel capable. Because I'm in such a misery of a mindset that every time I try to do them I feel even worse cause I can't do them so I just do nothing. But am I deep down just creating excuses just to do nothing at all? Do I rather be suffering than making an effort to get better? Because every time I don't try I have a million reasons in my head for not trying, but then I feel even worse. But then I think of all the years I spent trying to do those things and always felt like I was going nowhere…
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

 

[Trueno]

I think it's just daunting to begin taking the first steps towards getting better maybe that's why. It's always infinite possibilities of things that can go wrong or right and people having a fear of failure or finding themselves ashamed or back at square one. I've also found it a lot more comforting to remain where I'm at, nothing changes but that also means nothing improves. It's just a matter of being able to be okay with experimenting with things unfamiliar to you and open to trying things out. But you've also made it evident you know you could do these things which to me seems that you'd rather be within those familiar circumstances? I'm not sure, let me know if I've missed something.

 

[theater]

Have you ever been diagnosed?

Certain illnesses will cause brain neuron death and greatly reduce the size of important brain areas. For example MDD and BP. I have both and I can feel my brain dying as I age.

Many progressive illnesses like MDD and BP are not about willing yourself to be better. It's a disease. You cannot will yourself to try harder to get rid of cancer diseases or heart diseases. The same is true for mental diseases. If you have someone saying "just try working out", then please understand this is extraordinarily ableist of them.