Discussion Do any of you keep methods available even though you're trying recovery?

[Heavy_Metals117]

I just want to know if that's a normal thing, like does it give you comfort to keep a method to ctb always available? Is there another reason that you may keep a ctb method available? I do and I keep it in my bed, it gives me a weird sort of comfort, but today gave me some hope that I can recover, but I don't want to get rid of my noose.

 

[LastNite]

Directly at my hand? No, but if time comes I know how to access it. It is comforting, I dont see why would it be weird. I see suicide as an escape when things turn out bad.

 

[houseofleaves]

yeah i do this too. it gives me comfort and helps me feel more in control.

 

[ilovenewyork]

I got rid of it, because the presence creates ambiguity about the future. You're either going to kill yourself or you aren't. If not you have to put all of your energy into solving the challenges of life. But if you have the presence of this escape, it weakens resolve. In a world as competitive as ours one needs to be all in to even have a chance.

 

[Heavy_Metals117]

I got rid of it, because the presence creates ambiguity about the future. You're either going to kill yourself or you aren't. If not you have to put all of your energy into solving the challenges of life. But if you have the presence of this escape, it weakens resolve. In a world as competitive as ours one needs to be all in to even have a chance.

I see your point and that is interesting. But also knowing of my mortality and feeling like I have control over my life, even if I may not end it, has made it easier for me in particular to make progress. Like today I went into a supermarket for the first time in years and I had a short conversation with someone in a different store, which is a first for me. I like your perspective though. Maybe I'll get rid of it when I feel like I'm making really good progress.

 

[lainduster]

Back home I used to keep a big box of blades and a noose near my bed, sort of within arms reach and another noose hidden in the same room. I don't have those anymore nor do I live there all the time because I'm in a dorm currently but I still keep some razorblades in my phone case and buy fresh ones every other week or so because i switched to using a razor that needs such double edged blades. It's a very weird sense of comfort but I guess some is better than none, at least for me. I even keep all of my "blood shirts" that survived over the years that I used to clean myself up with. It's sort of nice. Sometimes it keeps me grounded and sometimes it makes me spiral.

Anyways, good luck with recovery and stay safe!!

 

[Autumn Blaze]

Yeah, that's normal.

I've kept razors in one of my drawers and pills for god knows how long. On one call I made to a hotline, I actually felt more distressed about disposing the pills because of the weird comfort having multiple methods in the same room was better than the distress I felt at that time about everything. Sometimes, some comfort is preferable to none, even if that comfort is poisonous or sharp. I find, like lainduster, it'd both help me be grounded and give me peace of mind but it would also make me spiral, too.
I guess it's like that because you do get a sense of control over how your life is gonna end by looking at your options.

Good luck with recovery! One day I hope you'll be able to get rid of your methods without it feeling really distressing!!