Discussion Do any of you also have childhood onset depression?

[writhe]

My mental health first became known to my family when I was 9, after I had wrote a note and "attempted" (a poor attempt at that, since I was a kid). Needless to say I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts since i was at least 8, and honestly I don't meet a lot of people with this same experience. I can't even remember a specific trigger other than my mom's mediocre parenting, and since I have ADHD (and my therapist suspects mild autism) I'm thinking I may have been genetically predisposed. My childhood was robbed from me, my teen years are over, I turn 20 next year. Anyone else?

 

[thelostautistic]

I'm sorry you've been dealing with this since you were so young. My depression started when I was around 12. I can't really remember what triggered it either.

 

[LostZombie]

Yeah I feel you with that one

I've has Suicidal Ideation for as long as I can remember, its a disease that eats away at you like cancer; just like it you can cure it, but its will never truly gone. Depression, SI, and all those other things are problems I had to contend with at 8 years old, and it runs in the family too so the SI ain't going anywhere for me.

So just know you aren't the only one.

 

[sayoriiii]

Yeah lol i first thought about ctb when i was like 11 started sh around the same time :/ blows

 

[GoneTomorrow]

Same here. I first seriously thought about CTB at age 11, and all the medical professionals could say was that I was "too young to feel this way". I feel like it has a big part to play in how it ruined my teens and subsequently my adult life, so yeah, you're far from being alone in this.

 

[GoldenTicket]

23 here, almost 24, I can heavily relate to this I feel, I remember thinking about suicide at age 9, perhaps younger, don't know what triggered such a thing at an age, but I'm sure that's the age my depression started, suicidal ideation has followed me strongly since then. I was bullied heavily as a kid in both primary and high-school, also experienced sexual abuse very young/other related traumas, but depression also runs in the family aswell, my father was suicidal himself and he had attempts, so it's hard to truly say. But it's always followed me like an unwanted pest.

Even with all the help I've gotten over the years it's never truly gone away, I don't think it's something I can recover from, just live with.

 

[eggsausagerice]

i've always been very sad as a kid. the kind of sad where i would frown constantly and cry because i felt alone and like even if i explained how sad i felt no one would understand, since the adults around me didn't think that kids were capable of feeling constantly depressed and miserable. people always saw me frowning. i was ditzy. i got bullied, but i didn't get bullied in high school because the people in my class assumed i was on the spectrum and thought it would be ableist. the same feeling of acute loneliness and self loathing followed me to my adult years and it sucked all the motivation out of me because i stopped believing i would get better. the only thing that makes me feel calm is the thought of not being here anymore. i wish i knew someone that wanted to die too. i have to lie to everyone.

the loneliness is/was the most painful thing because of how badly i wanted to express how i felt when i was younger. i think that if i googled how to tie a noose even once in middle school or high school i would've died in the same night. in middle school i didn't understand suicidality or consciousness beyond knowing that when i was unconscious i was felt calm and i wasn't being judged or yelled at. i think that being a middle schooler with depression and anxiety is really stress inducing because people just think you're being a spoiled brat or you're acting up for attention. it's also much easier you to get taken advantage of and for no one to take you seriously.