EternalShore
Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
- Jun 9, 2023
- 1,299
I just don't feel right~ I have a lovely guy all to myself, and he's amazing~ <333 but with my family and literally everyone continually dead naming me, it just doesn't feel right~ :(
Given the community's sentiments, I get that this will be unpopular, but... well... Since I grew up, I always wanted to be a kid again. Growing up was always scary to me, and unsurprisingly, has caused a lot of anguish :( To do so, I figured I could have my own kids and re-experience childhood through them~ and well, since I'm Christian, I'd have to suffer through all the pain of wanting to be a girl instead of a guy, pretending and accepting the roles of something I'm not, and marry a woman to have kids with her and hopefully, get to have fun to play with them and her.
Yeah... It failed lots and sucked. Turns out that constantly pretending and being rejected despite it doesn't do much for your mental health :/
Now, I see all these people getting what I wanted soooo badly and can't help but feel extremely jealous. :/
And ofc, yes, I wouldn't be happy like that, but... Gender norms are still very much a real thing and sacrificing myself to it would just put me through the same amount of pain in a different way.
Now, since I'm a girl now, I just can't help but feel that I've dishonored my younger self by changing my gender and God (even tho I know He never condemned transgenderism anywhere in the Bible). Ofc, there's also the feelings of being an incel when people slam those people which just makes me feel worse. Like I had a gf but being a failed male who didn't even want to be one in the first place just makes me feel awful... :(
It just hurts and makes me so jealous. Why did Satan have to corrupt my gender? :(
Given the community's sentiments, I get that this will be unpopular, but... well... Since I grew up, I always wanted to be a kid again. Growing up was always scary to me, and unsurprisingly, has caused a lot of anguish :( To do so, I figured I could have my own kids and re-experience childhood through them~ and well, since I'm Christian, I'd have to suffer through all the pain of wanting to be a girl instead of a guy, pretending and accepting the roles of something I'm not, and marry a woman to have kids with her and hopefully, get to have fun to play with them and her.
Yeah... It failed lots and sucked. Turns out that constantly pretending and being rejected despite it doesn't do much for your mental health :/
Now, I see all these people getting what I wanted soooo badly and can't help but feel extremely jealous. :/
And ofc, yes, I wouldn't be happy like that, but... Gender norms are still very much a real thing and sacrificing myself to it would just put me through the same amount of pain in a different way.
Now, since I'm a girl now, I just can't help but feel that I've dishonored my younger self by changing my gender and God (even tho I know He never condemned transgenderism anywhere in the Bible). Ofc, there's also the feelings of being an incel when people slam those people which just makes me feel worse. Like I had a gf but being a failed male who didn't even want to be one in the first place just makes me feel awful... :(
It just hurts and makes me so jealous. Why did Satan have to corrupt my gender? :(
