Disempower my mum?

[Susannah]

Ok, here's the my situation.
My mum is in the late stage of Parkinson. She's not capable of living alone in her house. At time being, she's on a short term institution, recovering from a period with "overmedication" caused by a home care company. My mum has always been hysterical. Now she's CRAZY, no bounderies, no shame, extremely demanding and threathens with suicide if I don't help her. She doesn't want to be in a nursing home. She demands me to nurse her home. I can't cope any more, so I've said no. I really need a vacation away from her this summer, but I'm afraid she'll suffer, both physically and mentally. I definately believe she's better off in a nursing home, long term. But I can't force her. Some health persons think I should disempower her. I hate even thinking about it.

Any thoughts or experience with disempowering anybody? Like your old parents?

 

[Walilamdzi]

What do you mean disempower her?

 

[Doormat]

Ok, here's the my situation.
My mum is in the late stage of Parkinson. She's not capable of living alone in her house. At time being, she's on a short term institution, recovering from a period with "overmedication" caused by a home care company. My mum has always been hysterical. Now she's CRAZY, no bounderies, no shame, extremely demanding and threathens with suicide if I don't help her. She doesn't want to be in a nursing home. She demands me to nurse her home. I can't cope any more, so I've said no. I really need a vacation away from her this summer, but I'm afraid she'll suffer, both physically and mentally. I definately believe she's better off in a nursing home, long term. But I can't force her. Some health persons think I should disempower her. I hate even thinking about it.

Any thoughts or experience with disempowering anybody? Like your old parents?

Are you in the UK?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It doesn't seem like you have much of a choice. She's not competent to care for herself, and you don't have the ability to provide the specialized care she needs. If you say no to her demands, walk away, and leave her to manage for herself, she'll end up hurt. If she kills herself, that's within her right, but it's not your responsibility. I guess it comes down to whether or not you want to take on responsibility for making decisions. If you don't, then the government will likely end up stepping in and doing it when she proves she can't be responsible for herself, but that will likely be after she's been harmed, I doubt they'll take preventative action or they already would have, which seems to be why you're being advised to take over power for all decisions regarding her care and well-being.

 

[Susannah]

Are you in the UK?

No. I'm living in Norway.

What do you mean disempower her?

Used Google Translate. Meant that she's incompetency, unable to take care of her own health, and make reasonable choices in here everyday life.

 

[itsamadworld]

Oh, sounds like you really were put in a tough spot. Sorry to hear. I used to do home care/worked in elderly facilities for like nine years. I had several Parkinson's patients under my care throughout the years. That can be a challenging disease as they tend to still "think they can do things" as their minds (intelligence) can still be "mostly together" but yet their balance and loss of body control is so off kilter. If they were already a challenging person, as you stated your mother was, well the stubbornness and resistance stays with people those until the end, in my experience talking to family as to what their loved one was like.......Parkinson's patients also can get extremely paranoid/disillusion as the disease progresses. Between Parkinson and ALS-those can be the most difficult to manage, imo, so i wish you well.

Not sure about Norway, but in the USA we have typically a family member sign what's called a "Power of Attorney" when a person is diagnosed by a doctor as unable to do modern world responsibilities anymore. This gives legal rights to one or more family members/spouse/ friends etc.... to take on the responsibilities of the "person deemed incompetant" like paying bills, manage activities of daily living, doctors appointments, medications and the management of them, etc.... The state will provide medical services, like a nursing home, but they will take every DOLLAR they can get from the person who is sick/ receives the care. Which means pretty much take all the incompetent's possessions (money, car, home, properties); it will all be seized by the state, instead of inheritance for the family.

Not sure how much you love your mama, but caregivers can get burned out fast, but also there can be financials/$ to consider.....at least in my country....hope that helps and i wish you well.