Venting Disappointed

[DefinitelyReady]

So a user on here really got my hopes up... because they PM'd me and said they wanted to bless someone else with some "supplies" (the most talked about one here) because they had extra. They had seen my Partner Thread and knew of my difficulties to ctb on my own. The package has had plenty of time by now to arrive, and it hasn't. Even though, with my GI issues, my risk for vomiting it up is high, I was going to use propranolol, benzos, quetiapine, fasting, and sheer will to keep it down... (I have experience with trying to not throw up from these GI issues.)

I'm so discouraged and let down... I understand if they changed their mind for whatever reason, but why lie? I think they felt comfortable enough to tell me "Sorry, nevermind etc." They literally wanted to bless someone else with the extra they had; and I felt blessed... It was going to be the push I needed to finalize my life and get my shit together so I could finally end this. They said they mailed it and I waited and waited...

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

As from my own experience, mental ill people lie a lot even though they probably have good intentions at heart (me too)

 

[DefinitelyReady]

As from my own experience, mental ill people lie a lot even though they probably have good intentions at heart (me too)

True. But this really appeared legitimate...

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Some people are just untrustworthy, if it seems too good to be true it usually is. There are definitely some trolls who slip through the cracks even in communities where you get vetted to join, or they could have changed their mind at the last minute about sending you the package and stopped communicating rather than owning up to it. Either way, I know it really blows, especially when you're feeling so desperate and banking on someone else's help.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Some people are just untrustworthy, if it seems too good to be true it usually is. There are definitely some trolls who slip through the cracks even in communities where you get vetted to join, or they could have changed their mind at the last minute about sending you the package and stopped communicating rather than owning up to it. Either way, I know it really blows, especially when you're feeling so desperate and banking on someone else's help.

I know. I'm really not the gullible or naive type in these situations so that's why I'm just so shocked and upset. This was a liked, known, and trusted user so it just doesn't make sense to me. I just wish I knew what happened :/

 

[DefinitelyReady]

OMG. Bless their heart... They really DID Bless Me... My mom unfortunately had the package all along.... It said "To the Family of..." and it freaked her out and she's so chaotic and our relationship is the worst place it's ever been that I can't even ask for my mail. I knew weren't a liar. I'm so elated. This god damn medicine and circumstances are fading my high of believing that I actually have it! It is so hard for me to do anything and my finances are fucked that it was going to be so stressful and miserable to get it. I can't believe I could be free... Like I'm sorry, but Goodbye... Oh my god. It's so sad that the only thing that can bring you real peace in life is death. (Ew I sound like you-know-who now.) I know I can do this, and not throw it up; and it looks like there's plenty! Hell maybe I will see them if there's an afterlife. Ironic that I just had two appts about living and making sure I was checked on because of my high suicidial ideation. The power of freedom. Like it could all be over... Do what I need to to help my family as best as I possibly can, and then in the words of Lil Wayne...
"...And I could die now, rebirth, motherfucker! Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker! I'm gone, motherfucker, I'm gone."
-Drop the World

 

[derpyderpins]

OMG. Bless their heart... They really DID Bless Me... My mom unfortunately had the package all along.... It said "To the Family of..." and it freaked her out and she's so chaotic and our relationship is the worst place it's ever been that I can't even ask for my mail. I knew she wasn't a liar. I'm so elated. This god damn medicine and circumstances are fading my high of believing that I actually have it! It is so hard for me to do anything and my finances are fucked that it was going to be so stressful and miserable to get it. I can't believe I could be free... Like I'm sorry, but Goodbye... Oh my god. It's so sad that the only thing that can bring you real peace in life is death. I know I can do this and not throw it up; and it looks like there's plenty! Hell maybe I will see them if theirs an afterlife. Ironic that I just had two appts about living and making sure I was checked on because of my high suicide ideation. The power of freedom. Like it could all be over. Do what I need to to help my family as best as I possibly can, and then in the words of Lil Wayne...
"...And I could die now, rebirth, motherfucker! Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker! I'm gone, motherfucker, I'm gone."
-Drop the World

If this is a real goodbye I wish you all the best. I'm going to miss you. You're crazy af (in the best way) and fun.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

If this is a real goodbye I wish you all the best. I'm going to miss you. You're crazy af (in the best way) and fun.

Well I have a source now in possession which I haven't had in years. Maybe enough antidepressants to cause a heart attack or some other painful death, but nothing solid and real like this. I knew I had to go see my mom so I took 30mg instead of 15mg dxm so I'm a bit drunk and I can't see worth a shit. I had to make a few scary phone calls,had a therapy appt, a coordinator appt, got surprised and trapped by a neighbor outaide with my hairy legs, and got stuck with my mother so I'd say I'm stoned from those experiences wrapped up in a spance of almost 4hrs.
My cat is lying in my crotch which is disgusting, my boxers are bunching up my butt, and I can't turn the ac down without moving him and I have to urinate for the 20th time today.... so I'm a little delirious as well. I'm not used to this much stimuli so I'm also exhausted and a touch out of my mind.

It's not goodbye yet, because I still have a shit ton to do to for my family and myself. But the fact that it's possible, that the potion is in the next room is surreal.

I beg your pardone? Crazy as fuck? Why whatever do you mean? This is unheard of and certainly not the least bit true... Why I'm as stable as a three-legged table...
So these "hug" emojis feel like "cheers" in this post tbh... That's fine to have cheerleaders rooting for you, and I love cheerleading...
But it's just weird, like, I just envisioned someone looking over my phone and asking me, "What are they all cheering about for you?" and my nonchalant response::
"Oh they're just happy for me that I got the elixir that I'm going to use to kill myself."