Venting disability benefits and stigma

[roscoecity]

I'd finally come to terms with having to be on disability benefits for my mental health, and was trying to look on the bright side in that I wouldn't have to work and would be able to spend all my energy on therapy (when I'm finally off the waiting list that is ), only to come back to my family home for Christmas and have my dad mock me repeatedly for it. I'm booking my flights back to my flat for this weekend and intend to finally succeed in CTB next week. Third time lucky I guess. Have any of you had any experience with the stigma around being on benefits?

 

[KleinerWolf]

Your dad is toxic.
I don't think there's anything wrong being on disability.

 

[roscoecity]

Your dad is toxic.
I don't think there's anything wrong being on disability.

Thank you <3 Having been raised seeing benefits as some sort of humiliation it's been especially hard to come round to thinking there's nothing wrong with being on disability like you said, so it really sucks ass losing that confidence in it that I'd managed to gain.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Thank you <3 Having been raised seeing benefits as some sort of humiliation it's been especially hard to come round to thinking there's nothing wrong with being on disability like you said, so it really sucks ass losing that confidence in it that I'd managed to gain.

I'm proud of you for wanting to focus on therapy.
Thats a sign of self-care after all.

Disability benefits are there to help people.
That's its purpose.
People should not feel bad utilising it in times of need.

*hugs to you my friend*

 

[roscoecity]

I'm proud of you for wanting to focus on therapy.
Thats a sign of self-care after all.

Disability benefits are there to help people.
That's its purpose.
People should not feel bad utilising it in times of need.

*hugs to you my friend*

Thank you, I really appreciate it! I hope 2021 brings you whatever you want and need <3

 

[KleinerWolf]

Thank you, I really appreciate it! I hope 2021 brings you whatever you want and need <3

Thank you, you too. :)

 

[Gnip]

I'd finally come to terms with having to be on disability benefits for my mental health, and was trying to look on the bright side in that I wouldn't have to work and would be able to spend all my energy on therapy (when I'm finally off the waiting list that is ), only to come back to my family home for Christmas and have my dad mock me repeatedly for it. I'm booking my flights back to my flat for this weekend and intend to finally succeed in CTB next week. Third time lucky I guess. Have any of you had any experience with the stigma around being on benefits?

No stigma whatsoever. If your dad is stupid enough and ignorant enough to believe otherwise, then he can only be mocking himself for his self admitted parental failures in not enabling you to avoid the need for disability benefits in the first place when it mattered most. (And if he attempts to blame your mother or somebody else for failing you in your upbringing, then that exposes him as irresponsible as well, and thus likely the exact opposite of his own definition of a "man.")

I have no mercy for abusive parents. Your dad deserves to be strung up by his testicles (as does mine).

 

[Misanthrope]

Don't turn this inward on yourself. I saw this crap with my former clients often, who required access to social security. It being implied you are somehow lesser because you have needs. But here is the thing, this is part of societies contract to people who are unwell. If you have a social security system you have likely jumped through the flaming hoops and soulless bean counters to be recognised as ill and requiring support. Does your father know better? Got relevant credentials to overrule those who stamped this decision into being? I doubt it.

Attaching shame to this money is a standard tactic disincentivise people from taking it. Even though oftentimes it is their money. It then bleeds into the common narrative. Not helped by headlines about lazy people. The usual scrounger rhetoric creating a distorted picture despite fraud figures being very low. Not okay to bail out sick people, but okay to bail out banks and businesses. That is all social security as well... Don't measure your self worth by this. There is plenty that people do in life that has value that cannot be measured via economics alone. If you measure by society's standards you will always fall short. You cannot appease a psychopath that puts productivity before health and even takes from your corpse.

You have to fight from internalising this. When your father is mocking you for claiming disability. I would simply turn it around into a question. What should be done with the disabled then? Do you think they should starve on the street? Be gassed in a truck? The true ugliness on the other side of this line of thinking is already a dark chapter in history. You are not your bank balance and everyone deserve dignity.

If people want to take ownership of tax. Then let them, because it is my taxes also that support you, and I am glad of it. That's what its for and also everyone else's taxes who believe you have the right to dignity and comfort despite illness. Keep that in mind when you are belittled. Keep in mind that everything you spend from that benefit goes back into circulation. That this money is a contract made between citizen and government. One you cannot opt out of. There is no shame in it, beyond the way others wield that shame and how much power you let it have. It must sting to hear this crap from your father but they don't sound like they have any understanding.

I used to have elderly clients, so full of pride that they would prefer to shiver in their flat and live off baked beans then take the money. But I would then point out that they have been paying into insurance for years, now you are simply claiming the government's end of the contract. I had some success reframing it that way because one of the biggest cons is implying that this is not your money, to begin with and you don't deserve it. It's not a character flaw to be ill nor a choice. If you are not claiming fraudulently there should be no shame. In an ideal world, there wouldn't be.

Lastly, your father frankly sounds like a brainwashed muppet to me. But some time in their own future they may need a helping hand too. There will be people out there who won't begrudge them using the safety net as intended either. Because again despite what they said it is what it is for.

Peace