Xebsora29
XebRubix
- Nov 1, 2019
- 47
Thanksgiving is next week. I live further away from my family and they want me to come up for the holidays. I'm not really looking forward to that, so I'm in an unfortunate situation. If I don't come, my brother will come get me and drive me back to celebrate the holidays. I know it sounds simple to ignore him and do what I prefer, however it's not that easy as it seems. My brother is quite tough and he'll do what says he'll do. They know of my current condition and quite frankly, don't trust me. (They're aware of my depression) Side note, my plans to commit suicide over the course of next week, have resulted to be another failure. I'm in a dilemma, and unsure about my next step. Unfortunately, I have people here living with me. I was planning on attempting when they're not here, givin they planned to head back home for the holidays. It seems like the initial plan to commit, will not be in effect. Do I switch to the alternatives, and do it this week? I'm not comfortable taking that step with them here, however desperate to end it all.
I'm stressed about academics, financial problems, careers, success, and most importantly, disappointed in myself. I'm a burden to everyone and the reality of the situation is that I'm making no one proud with my condition. Everything is an endless cycle of disappointment and failures that I myself, have acknowledge and recognized. I've been in a dark place for awhile, and as much as I attempt to shift away from that darkness, it returns me. The positives are only so much and are non comparable to the darkness that lingers in me. I'm tired of fighting a battle that doesn't go away. Its constant, consistent, and as I overcome one, there grows another obstacle/hindrance. Perhaps thats life and such a reality where individuals are fine with that, but I'm not. I'm worn out and tired of trying to stay strong while looking further in life when really, there isn't shit. I'm tired of observing the faces of individuals who stare at me in disgust when I avoid a class, eat out, or simply want to be myself. Its tiresome and gruesome. So yes, I'm desperate but I'm finding myself to be reluctant in this situation. What should I do?
I'm stressed about academics, financial problems, careers, success, and most importantly, disappointed in myself. I'm a burden to everyone and the reality of the situation is that I'm making no one proud with my condition. Everything is an endless cycle of disappointment and failures that I myself, have acknowledge and recognized. I've been in a dark place for awhile, and as much as I attempt to shift away from that darkness, it returns me. The positives are only so much and are non comparable to the darkness that lingers in me. I'm tired of fighting a battle that doesn't go away. Its constant, consistent, and as I overcome one, there grows another obstacle/hindrance. Perhaps thats life and such a reality where individuals are fine with that, but I'm not. I'm worn out and tired of trying to stay strong while looking further in life when really, there isn't shit. I'm tired of observing the faces of individuals who stare at me in disgust when I avoid a class, eat out, or simply want to be myself. Its tiresome and gruesome. So yes, I'm desperate but I'm finding myself to be reluctant in this situation. What should I do?
