Olivie_420
King of self-sabotage 🥲
- Mar 13, 2024
- 9
I've been trying to get to this for the past week, but I'm making this account my digital diary. I don't do much, unless I go outside. Which is only once a week so far, but Ill just be randomly jotting out thoughts and stuff. I guess this can be my first entry?
I'm sitting in my room rn talking to my friend and since Friday is the only day I can have outside this week, I've been trying to find things to do in my state or if there's any National food/drink days that places give deals for around me. There isn't. They only have stuff for Cinco de Mayo and the Saturday that proceeds.
I started texting my friend about it, and we got into the conversation about how last Wednesday, my friends and I were hanging out and they threw me into a shopping cart, and pushed me around a one-way street near the school I graduated from. My friend who initially pushed me in the cart, let's call her Mei (fake name obvi), could not stop talking about the fact that I felt lighter than I was before, and it was confirmed when she fully picked me up. A girl shorter than me (Shes probs 5'2 and she's fit, I'm like 5'5 and idk what to call my body type) fully just picked me up no problem.
I'm glad I lost weight, I am, but being told like that just made me kinda sad. Because only I, and my best friend who I get to see maybe 2 or 3 times a year know. The only reason I've been losing weight is because when food enters the room I'm in, whether I bought it or he, I have to share it with my boyfriend. When I eat more bites than Im "supposed to" I get called a big back and I'm told in hogging all the food, so I've been just surviving on small bites, and whatever food I can get for free outside.
I also realized this is why I can never stay awake during the day, but my insomnia can keep me awake during nights.
The life of a broke, closeted trans nb.
I'm sitting in my room rn talking to my friend and since Friday is the only day I can have outside this week, I've been trying to find things to do in my state or if there's any National food/drink days that places give deals for around me. There isn't. They only have stuff for Cinco de Mayo and the Saturday that proceeds.
I started texting my friend about it, and we got into the conversation about how last Wednesday, my friends and I were hanging out and they threw me into a shopping cart, and pushed me around a one-way street near the school I graduated from. My friend who initially pushed me in the cart, let's call her Mei (fake name obvi), could not stop talking about the fact that I felt lighter than I was before, and it was confirmed when she fully picked me up. A girl shorter than me (Shes probs 5'2 and she's fit, I'm like 5'5 and idk what to call my body type) fully just picked me up no problem.
I'm glad I lost weight, I am, but being told like that just made me kinda sad. Because only I, and my best friend who I get to see maybe 2 or 3 times a year know. The only reason I've been losing weight is because when food enters the room I'm in, whether I bought it or he, I have to share it with my boyfriend. When I eat more bites than Im "supposed to" I get called a big back and I'm told in hogging all the food, so I've been just surviving on small bites, and whatever food I can get for free outside.
I also realized this is why I can never stay awake during the day, but my insomnia can keep me awake during nights.
The life of a broke, closeted trans nb.
