I was just thinking about this today. I had a really good childhood. And it was all thanks to my mom. My dad was out doing awful things and being terrible to her, and my sister and I never knew. My mom made a childhood for me and my sister that was wonderful. She decorated our home, stuffed our stockings with things we wanted at Christmas, planted flowers outside, learned how to do woodworking with my grandpa, had special birthday parties for us, got us ice cream after the doctor...
I will ctb mostly because of her. Collectively, everything that is wrong in my life is so disappointing and difficult for her. I wish I wasn't disabled, and that I had a good-paying job and could take her on vacations and send her nice gifts for her birthday. I wish I had the financial capability and a home with space so that she knew I'd be able to take care of her when she's older if my stepdad dies. Why, oh why, did I let my mother down? I could've made life wonderful for her.