Discussion Did what made all of us the way we are really stem from an early incident?

[daocreator]

Hello there, been a while since I sent a post here.

I'm just asking since I'm starting to think of why I'm the way I am. And honestly I am starting to realise it's because some parts of my childhood being blurred.
This is not a vent, so I'll keep it short: I believed that I had a pretty "normal" childhood, but... whenever I try to recall I don't remember anything. And when I do, it's bits and pieces with a bit of melancholic nostalgia mixed in.

So, the question is, do we all originally reeeeeally have a reason why we are the way we are?

Because, honestly, I can somehow manage my life on my own if I continue putting on hard work. But no matter how hard I try on improving my mental health, it's just stale with no improvement whatsoever. Like, whatever work I'm doing is simply to have a normal any guy's life: that pays the bills and can buy whatever I may need.

But I simply am losing interest as time goes by in all of my previous interests. Like, I liked writing for example, but now I don't have the same excitement for it anymore. Much less enthusiasm for reading books too.

Soo, to sum all this up (and thank you for reading all up to this btw), would anything regarding mental health have a reason for it?,

 

[enduringwinter]

It's normal to not remember your childhood there's a process in the brain that erases it just like how it works for dreams. But to answer the question no my life is just endlessly traumatising. I don't have the luxury to dwell only the childhood part.

 

[sos]

i believe that everything has a reason.

losing interest in things you've enjoyed before doesn't have to mean anything special really.

we all lose interest in something we used to enjoy at some point. that's when you're being challenged to find something that fills up that empty gap.

 

[daocreator]

It's normal to not remember your childhood there's a process in the brain that erases it just like how it works for dreams. But to answer the question no my life is just endlessly traumatising. I don't have the luxury to dwell only the childhood part.

It doesn't have to be childhood, per se. Like some certain incident that made us this way?
I heard somewhere that when there's a memory that's traumatising enough for you not to handle, your brain's automatic self-mechanism is to fog it or simply forget it?

Like, that could be a reason. But this is all a discussion so I'm not really sure

 

[enduringwinter]

It doesn't have to be childhood, per se. Like some certain incident that made us this way?
I heard somewhere that when there's a memory that's traumatising enough for you not to handle, your brain's automatic self-mechanism is to fog it or simply forget it?

Like, that could be a reason. But this is all a discussion so I'm not really sure

I seriously doubt that, I remember all the nastiest memories and my mother recalls in vivid details her war torn childhood every night.

 

[daocreator]

i believe that everything has a reason.

losing interest in things you've enjoyed before doesn't have to mean anything special really.

we all lose interest in something we used to enjoy at some point. that's when you're being challenged to find something that fills up that empty gap.

Well, I wouldn't have mentioned that for nothing, really.
So I've been trying to get better for a while now, yet I looked it up and:
[-Relation between waning hobbies/interests and mental health decline?

When this loss of interest is ongoing or recurring, it may indicate a worsening mental health condition.]

Which means instead of making myself better I'm actually getting worse? Idk the credibility of this but it's on many websites.

 

[Mirrory Me]

How old are you? I guess it's quite common that you don't remember everything from your early childhood, only a few moments remain permanently in your mind (those that might be important when putting together "puzzles".). Childhood really "hints" quite a lot about our life and future, (like for example, what is our so-called "life purpose" or rather our calling, by asking "what activities did I do when I was a kid / what did I enjoy doing?"). Getting "bored" with your craft and interest is only natural as we age, but you could find that spark back somehow, or perhaps discover something new about it.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I Am…All of Me…

 

[sos]

Well, I wouldn't have mentioned that for nothing, really.
So I've been trying to get better for a while now, yet I looked it up and:
[-Relation between waning hobbies/interests and mental health decline?

When this loss of interest is ongoing or recurring, it may indicate a worsening mental health condition.]

Which means instead of making myself better I'm actually getting worse? Idk the credibility of this but it's on many websites.

what is it that you're doing to get better

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

Well even events from infancy that certainly almost no one will have memories of can influence later psychological developments and this is proven by many experiments on attachment styles. One extreme example would be reactive attachment disorder. It is normal to forget about your childhood, but suppression of memory is also possible. Losing interest in things is unfortunately a common thing we all experience and what separates it from being normal is the inability to form new interests imo.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think our childhoods have a profound effect on who we are. They are our 'formative years'- they form who we are. We learn so much when we're young but I'd say, we don't necessarily have the emotional capability or knowledge to handle certain things.

We maybe won't question why that person is bullying us. Why even our parents are being abusive or neglectful. I think, as a child we're far more likely to just accept and internalise all the bad stuff that happens. I think it very likely that a lot of people here had some sort of trauma in childhood. A lot of people started having ideation as children. I don't see how that couldn't affect who we become as adults. It's baggage we continue to carry around with us.

As for your situation- losing interest in things that once brought you joy. That's a common symptom of depression I believe. Sadly though, I think it's also quite common as we progress through adulthood. Both a friend and I noticed we'd lost some of our enthusiasm for things. I suppose when you're young, it's all new- which makes it exciting. Plus, I simply think we have far fewer responsibilities when we're young. As adults, we likely have far more worries at the back of our minds. I don't think that's necessarily down to something that happened in childhood (although, I suppose it could be.) I feel it more likely that particular symptom arises as a consequence of growing up and just getting jaded by life.

 

[daocreator]

How old are you? I guess it's quite common that you don't remember everything from your early childhood, only a few moments remain permanently in your mind (those that might be important when putting together "puzzles".). Childhood really "hints" quite a lot about our life and future, (like for example, what is our so-called "life purpose" or rather our calling, by asking "what activities did I do when I was a kid / what did I enjoy doing?"). Getting "bored" with your craft and interest is only natural as we age, but you could find that spark back somehow, or perhaps discover something new about it.

I'm still rather young; 19. If I can agree with what you're saying, but losing interest to everything would mean I'd be back to square one where I have nothing to choose from other than just wanting to ctb

what is it that you're doing to get better

Well, forcing away suicidal thoughts, doing things I wouldn't normally do(like hanging out with others, working out, etc.)
Bur at this point it feels like I'm too far deep down this rabbit hole. Whenever something bad happens I always have to hold myself back from thinking that I should ctb asap a

Well even events from infancy that certainly almost no one will have memories of can influence later psychological developments and this is proven by many experiments on attachment styles. One extreme example would be reactive attachment disorder. It is normal to forget about your childhood, but suppression of memory is also possible. Losing interest in things is unfortunately a common thing we all experience and what separates it from being normal is the inability to form new interests imo.

Well, that answers the question somehow. I guess I am the way I am because of something I forgot about?

I think our childhoods have a profound effect on who we are. They are our 'formative years'- they form who we are. We learn so much when we're young but I'd say, we don't necessarily have the emotional capability or knowledge to handle certain things.

We maybe won't question why that person is bullying us. Why even our parents are being abusive or neglectful. I think, as a child we're far more likely to just accept and internalise all the bad stuff that happens. I think it very likely that a lot of people here had some sort of trauma in childhood. A lot of people started having ideation as children. I don't see how that couldn't affect who we become as adults. It's baggage we continue to carry around with us.

As for your situation- losing interest in things that once brought you joy. That's a common symptom of depression I believe. Sadly though, I think it's also quite common as we progress through adulthood. Both a friend and I noticed we'd lost some of our enthusiasm for things. I suppose when you're young, it's all new- which makes it exciting. Plus, I simply think we have far fewer responsibilities when we're young. As adults, we likely have far more worries at the back of our minds. I don't think that's necessarily down to something that happened in childhood (although, I suppose it could be.) I feel it more likely that particular symptom arises as a consequence of growing up and just getting jaded by life.

Yeah. I think that whatever we had as a way of thought on our teenager part of childhood would definitely stick with us unknowingly. We do grow more mature as we age, making us handle our emotions better and dealing with everything easier.

But, what if we're just that kid we were at that part of our lives, and afterwards we just... aged. Like time continued moving, we gradually adapted to new situations, etc. But that kid in us was still there, making us however we are. Might seem a little weird, but that's how I've come to understand people with no suicidal ideation or thoughts. Like my parents.

I guess, then, that losing interests is indeed sadly a sign of growing out of things.

 

[avalonisburning]

There was no original sin from which all of my problems sprang. I'm the conflux of several small, individual mistakes made by several different people, myself included, over a long period of time.

 

[sos]

Well, forcing away suicidal thoughts, doing things I wouldn't normally do(like hanging out with others, working out, etc.)
Bur at this point it feels like I'm too far deep down this rabbit hole. Whenever something bad happens I always have to hold myself back from thinking that I should ctb asap a

the risk of forcing away suicidal thoughts is that you end up doing things that you're simply not comfortable with

forcefully bringing yourself in certain situations might help, but it can also backfire at the same time

it's kind of the trick that you've got to find things in life that allows you to feel different than you do now

the kind of things that lets time pass by quickly

don't force too much, especially if you're well aware of not being fully comfortable in these situations bc once again, it can backfire and ask more from your mental / physical state than you think.


those situations can suck all the energy out of you; leaving you vulnerable in the moments whenever the thought of catching the bus starts to dominate inside your head

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I personally think that we are what we are mainly due to our biology and, specifically, our neurotype

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

This isn't me implying that your childhood wasn't normal, but I'd like to add the very real phenomena of people tending to believe their fucked up childhoods actually were normal to the discussion. I know a lot of people - including myself - with traumatizing childhoods who had absolutely no idea about it. Partly this is because our childhoods tends to act like blueprints for the rest of the world; young children have no prior experiences of normal and tends to assume that what's happening in their lives is how the rest of the world works. Partly because a lot of themes in traumatizing childhoods are very covert and hard to spot even if it's playing out before our eyes; parentification, scapegoating, emotional incest, gaslighting, secondary traumatization etc. are all things that are actually quite hard to notice, even for adults. Partly because society (I do blame the DSM) has had a long standing narrative of the things that are considered to be "allowed" to traumatize you (physical violence, sexual violence, war, natural disasters etc.) and it's only very recently that there has been a discussion of the whole spectrum of potentially traumatizing events.

As for me personally, I was 23 or 24 when I first begun to realize that my childhood wasn't normal. I had a therapist at the time whom I told about some of the physical violence I had to endure from my stepfather and she - much to my surprise - got angry. When I asked why she said that was because it's not okay to hit children. I was surprised and defended him, said that that situation was different because I had deserved it. She looked me dead in the eye and said "No child, whatever they have done, deserve to be hit." After that it took me several years to even fully comprehend that I had been a child at all, because I've always felt like an adult. It took me even longer to comprehend the covert abuse, the attachment disruption and the emotional neglect and just how ingrained that is in me.

 

[indefinitesleep]

The first five years of your life tend to be a huge predictor of a big part of you when youre older, and how you relate to the world around you so Id say those events definitely effect you as youre older.

For me going to the psychward after psychosis and being put on meds fucked me up tho.

 

[daocreator]

the risk of forcing away suicidal thoughts is that you end up doing things that you're simply not comfortable with

forcefully bringing yourself in certain situations might help, but it can also backfire at the same time

it's kind of the trick that you've got to find things in life that allows you to feel different than you do now

the kind of things that lets time pass by quickly

don't force too much, especially if you're well aware of not being fully comfortable in these situations bc once again, it can backfire and ask more from your mental / physical state than you think.


those situations can suck all the energy out of you; leaving you vulnerable in the moments whenever the thought of catching the bus starts to dominate inside your head

I can certainly get what you're talking about, since I did experience what you've said.
Forcing them away does indeed make life more bearable, as it becomes more or less a constant emotionless life.
But it is challenging since it also means there's nothing to really look forward to nor is there anything to think about.
And, the last part is certainly true! I usually force myself to become more social. But sometimes (it's becoming more frequent, though) I get the need to just get the hell out and find some way to urgently ctb.

I mean, all of this is because I'm thinking of ctb as the "comfortable state in which I wouldn't have to worry about anything or do anything anymore"

I personally think that we are what we are mainly due to our biology and, specifically, our neurotype

Might be true in some certain occasions; like getting a stomachache and suddenly you're in a really bad mood. But certain chemical reactions within the body wouldn't necessarily give you what you think.

Like, our SI makes it really hard to really go through ctb when u have the method. Which means body's chemical reactions or whatever that's called don't want you to ctb.

So thoughts or needs are a very distinctive "thing" from our biology. Though as I said, it can affect it

This isn't me implying that your childhood wasn't normal, but I'd like to add the very real phenomena of people tending to believe their fucked up childhoods actually were normal to the discussion. I know a lot of people - including myself - with traumatizing childhoods who had absolutely no idea about it. Partly this is because our childhoods tends to act like blueprints for the rest of the world; young children have no prior experiences of normal and tends to assume that what's happening in their lives is how the rest of the world works. Partly because a lot of themes in traumatizing childhoods are very covert and hard to spot even if it's playing out before our eyes; parentification, scapegoating, emotional incest, gaslighting, secondary traumatization etc. are all things that are actually quite hard to notice, even for adults. Partly because society (I do blame the DSM) has had a long standing narrative of the things that are considered to be "allowed" to traumatize you (physical violence, sexual violence, war, natural disasters etc.) and it's only very recently that there has been a discussion of the whole spectrum of potentially traumatizing events.

As for me personally, I was 23 or 24 when I first begun to realize that my childhood wasn't normal. I had a therapist at the time whom I told about some of the physical violence I had to endure from my stepfather and she - much to my surprise - got angry. When I asked why she said that was because it's not okay to hit children. I was surprised and defended him, said that that situation was different because I had deserved it. She looked me dead in the eye and said "No child, whatever they have done, deserve to be hit." After that it took me several years to even fully comprehend that I had been a child at all, because I've always felt like an adult. It took me even longer to comprehend the covert abuse, the attachment disruption and the emotional neglect and just how ingrained that is in me.

Now, what you said would have an entire different effect on me, to be honest.
I've always felt that I've become 'me' by 15. Like my personality had stopped developing, and it was then that I developed suicide ideation. Taking ctb as a good peaceful farewell.

Well, there were events of being hit, and many events of, I'd say "drama" between my parents. I always considered it normal since I thought maybe every household has the same thing going on?

But, my parents nearly divorced several times back then, and there were a lot of... things going on back then.

Thinking about it now, was that really what made me what I am? If so, how? Like how could any event make you want to ctb, when you're young?

For the last part, I'm very sorry for what you went through and hope that at least some part of it healed.

The first five years of your life tend to be a huge predictor of a big part of you when youre older, and how you relate to the world around you so Id say those events definitely effect you as youre older.

For me going to the psychward after psychosis and being put on meds fucked me up tho.

Sorry you had to go through that. Psych wards are never good for anyone, no matter where.

I just can't get the point of its entire existence.

And yeah, as I said earlier, what you experience when you're young may very much define you as a whole for when you grow older.