After initially writing a lot that's been on my mind recently, my mind went black for a while. Nothing happened the days after I wrote that last entry. I was mindlessly doing things, and what people told me to do. Beyond having to say what I have to say, nothing matters again. Somehow, I'm still scraping by, not having failed most my subjects yet. Without anyone particularly knowing that I don't care anymore.
But she talked to me again, the high school friend I talked about. She wanted someone to accompany her on call while she was doing things. Something about accountability. I agreed, thinking something more interesting could happen. It lasted for a good 4 hours just yesterday.
Nothing much happened in the first 2 hours, we were both just doing things. I don't know, I never asked. Honestly, I didn't do anything even if it was an accountability thing. I was just mindlessly scrolling through Reddit. I don't really have any goals anymore, but something interesting was happening, I guess.
She eventually finished what she was doing and asked me how things were. She asked me how things were after she told me her problems from that drinking game a week back. I was honestly surprised that she cared about what she told me. What she said from when she was drunk sounded like the sort of things you just express when you incline yourself to meaninglessness.
I said that it was alright, and that if she needed someone to talk about her problems to, I was here. She thanked me for it, and we small-talked our way until she had to go buy some groceries at night.
It seemed like we were closer, and she seemed glad at least for today. I lied though. I won't be surprised if I already get the stuff I need to CTB by next week.
Even if hearing her problems was an unnecessary burden on my emotional state, I didn't really mind.
Even if it wasn't intentional, I guess it served a purpose to someone, even if she might've thought the conversation to be ultimately meaningless.
I don't want to say that I didn't hope, but I suppose I can't stop themselves. Nobody can.
Nothing profound. I think everybody knows wanting to kill yourself makes you desperate.
Even if you've already planned. Even if you're sure.
But she talked to me again, the high school friend I talked about. She wanted someone to accompany her on call while she was doing things. Something about accountability. I agreed, thinking something more interesting could happen. It lasted for a good 4 hours just yesterday.
Nothing much happened in the first 2 hours, we were both just doing things. I don't know, I never asked. Honestly, I didn't do anything even if it was an accountability thing. I was just mindlessly scrolling through Reddit. I don't really have any goals anymore, but something interesting was happening, I guess.
She eventually finished what she was doing and asked me how things were. She asked me how things were after she told me her problems from that drinking game a week back. I was honestly surprised that she cared about what she told me. What she said from when she was drunk sounded like the sort of things you just express when you incline yourself to meaninglessness.
I said that it was alright, and that if she needed someone to talk about her problems to, I was here. She thanked me for it, and we small-talked our way until she had to go buy some groceries at night.
It seemed like we were closer, and she seemed glad at least for today. I lied though. I won't be surprised if I already get the stuff I need to CTB by next week.
Even if hearing her problems was an unnecessary burden on my emotional state, I didn't really mind.
Even if it wasn't intentional, I guess it served a purpose to someone, even if she might've thought the conversation to be ultimately meaningless.
I don't want to say that I didn't hope, but I suppose I can't stop themselves. Nobody can.
Nothing profound. I think everybody knows wanting to kill yourself makes you desperate.
Even if you've already planned. Even if you're sure.
