Venting Detained

[headphones]

Struggling to hold onto my sense of self. I'm trapped and stuck in a place not meant for me.

My right to freedom has been taken away. My right to refuse "treatment" has been taken away. I am not in prison and have not committed a crime. I don't understand why my decision to do what I want with myself is unacceptable (without doing harm to anyone else).

Am I being punished like a caught criminal? I don't think there's anything "wrong" with me. I've made a decision that concerns me. I have no dependents. I have no ties. This is so fucked up. How is this in anyway legal?

I would just like to leave and be left alone. It's exceptionally difficult to CTB when I have no physical freedom. My "alone" time is very limited, and I only have one resource, but I think my fucking neck is too thick. All I can do is keep practising, while hiding the marks on my neck.

I don't know what options I have…

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally see so much cruelty in how it's treated like a crime to not want to suffer in this existence, it just shows what a horrific world we exist in where suffering is seen as to force and prolong no matter what even know this existence was imposed in the first place. I'd never wish for any of this and I always suffer from how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing with no risks of trying to die going wrong, but anyway I wish you the best, I'm sorry you have to suffer so much in this cruel existence.

 

[headphones]

I personally see so much cruelty in how it's treated like a crime to not want to suffer in this existence, it just shows what a horrific world we exist in where suffering is seen as to force and prolong no matter what even know this existence was imposed in the first place. I'd never wish for any of this and I always suffer from how I cannot just have the option to peacefully cease existing with no risks of trying to die going wrong, but anyway I wish you the best, I'm sorry you have to suffer so much in this cruel existence.

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. They mean a lot to me. We do all suffer to some extent in this cruel existence. It's unfortunate that that is life.

 

[Darkover]

your all bunch of fucking slaves

 

[bipolar22]

You're not officially labeled criminal but you are kinda. You went against the goverments interest. Now they gonna teach you a lesson. Wouldn't even try anything in there just play along, tell them how great it is to live and work jobs and do your time. Otherwise they will keep you much longer and poison you with their antipsychotics drugs until you're permanently damaged. At least that's what they do where I live.

 

[slowdance]

If you're talking about the psych ward the thing I noticed there is that the people who make a big show of how much they really need it and how they could never handle life outside are the ones that get shoved out the door as fast as possible. It's like they're not even trying to hide that they're fundamentally opposed to your desires. If you want out, they keep you in. If you can trick them into thinking the way to make you suffer the most is to leave, they kick you out.

 

[headphones]

If you're talking about the psych ward the thing I noticed there is that the people who make a big show of how much they really need it and how they could never handle life outside are the ones that get shoved out the door as fast as possible. It's like they're not even trying to hide that they're fundamentally opposed to your desires. If you want out, they keep you in. If you can trick them into thinking the way to make you suffer the most is to leave, they kick you out.

That's fucked up. It's all a pointless mind game. No wonder they haven't been listening. So childish, that the opposite applies. I don't understand why listening to what people are saying is so difficult.

You're not officially labeled criminal but you are kinda. You went against the goverments interest. Now they gonna teach you a lesson. Wouldn't even try anything in there just play along, tell them how great it is to live and work jobs and do your time. Otherwise they will keep you much longer and poison you with their antipsychotics drugs until you're permanently damaged. At least that's what they do where I live.

I have tried saying that I want to go back to work. They're deaf. It kinda makes sense, though, based on what slowdance is saying.
It was weird, they took usb cables and tiny little plastic bags, but left my shoelaces in my shoes, then gave them back to me!

 

[slowdance]

That's fucked up. It's all a pointless mind game. No wonder they haven't been listening. So childish, that the opposite applies. I don't understand why listening to what people are saying is so difficult.

I have tried saying that I want to go back to work. They're deaf. It kinda makes sense, though, based on what slowdance is saying.
It was weird, they took usb cables and tiny little plastic bags, but left my shoelaces in my shoes, then gave them back to me!

They get off on cruelty. The only reason they took the job because it gives them absolute power over vulnerable people. They don't care what happens to you as long as they can make you suffer.

 

[RandomFellowIdc]

such a difficult situation. people want to help, but when help involves keeping you alive despite your own wishes, then what do you do?
i understand completely why people dont want their loved ones to die, obviously, especially when it seems like there is still a good chance of recovery.
but forcing someone to live just so they can hopefully eventually tolerate life just enough to not ctb is fucking cruel.

i can understand both sides completely, and i honestly still dont know what side i am on. all i know is that personally, i want to decide my own fate, and i refuse to let anyone make that choice for me

 

[headphones]

I don't think I can wait until I get out of here. It is horrible. So much suffering, staff on power trips, lack of care and empathy, so many examples of blatant violation of patient rights.

I may have found my bus stop. Just did a test, I think— I hope the anchor will hold. I had to really lean into it to see the anchor could take my weight. It did, and I don't want to test again because I don't want to stress the anchor before I CTB.

It does mean partial suspension is feasible. I've given up on ligature strangulation for the time being, it is a more difficult method to execute than it seems.

And I know it was only a test, but wow, the SI is real.

 

[headphones]

I don't think I can wait until I get out of here. It is horrible. So much suffering, staff on power trips, lack of care and empathy, so many examples of blatant violation of patient rights.

I may have found my bus stop. Just did a test, I think— I hope the anchor will hold. I had to really lean into it to see the anchor could take my weight. It did, and I don't want to test again because I don't want to stress the anchor before I CTB.

It does mean partial suspension is feasible. I've given up on ligature strangulation for the time being, it is a more difficult method to execute than it seems.

And I know it was only a test, but wow, the SI is real.

I fucked it up, and now I'm fucked.

 

[J&L383]

You're not officially labeled criminal but you are kinda. You went against the goverments interest. Now they gonna teach you a lesson. Wouldn't even try anything in there just play along, tell them how great it is to live and work jobs and do your time. Otherwise they will keep you much longer and poison you with their antipsychotics drugs until you're permanently damaged. At least that's what they do where I live.

Agree. I know it is incredibly difficult but do what you need to do to get out. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[slowdance]

I don't think I can wait until I get out of here. It is horrible. So much suffering, staff on power trips, lack of care and empathy, so many examples of blatant violation of patient rights.

I may have found my bus stop. Just did a test, I think— I hope the anchor will hold. I had to really lean into it to see the anchor could take my weight. It did, and I don't want to test again because I don't want to stress the anchor before I CTB.

It does mean partial suspension is feasible. I've given up on ligature strangulation for the time being, it is a more difficult method to execute than it seems.

And I know it was only a test, but wow, the SI is real.

Don't try it in the psych ward. They will catch you and they will punish you severely for it. They will make you 10 times more miserable than you already are. Wait until you're out